Struggling But Afraid to Reach out to T

I mentioned before that my DBT offers phone coaching. I want to call my her for phone coaching but I’m afraid to. I’m afraid of being a burden because even though she offers it 24/7 and I’ve only done it once, I’m afraid of burning her out and maybe I just don’t have a lot of trust in her yet.

If she's using DBT, phone consultations are an important part of the therapy itself. She would want you to call her.

After you call her, maybe in the next session, you two can talk about when it is or isn't okay to call but I assure you it's part of DBT.

Thank you. I ended up texting her asking for a call... She didn’t call me right away like she did last time, which led to a major spiral. She ended up calling though.

I am thankful I have her and DBT.

I saw ex T though at the clinic today when I was seeing my dietician and I still really miss her. That was very hard. I doubt she misses me.

I’m glad your dbt t got back to you! Do you mind if I ask if this is a short term skills group or a whole program? I’m pretty sure I’m on the “lite” program.

I’m sorry it was sad to see old t. Are you liking your dbt group? I have mixed feelings on mine. But I don’t want to hijack your thread just curious how you are experiencing it.

You aren’t hijacking my forum at all, GC. I am happy to share about it. I’m not sure what a short term skills group is, but nonetheless, I think it’s long term - 6mos to a 1 year. I do like my DBT group. My T facilitates it which I like too because I feel like she knows her “stuff” and it gives me more guidence/structure about what to work on in sessions. Unfortunately tho, now that ex T is out of my life, I hardly experience any interpersonal triggers. It seems like I could’ve really used DBT when I was always being triggered by and in my sessions with ex T. *sigh*

If you don’t mind me asking, what led you to seek out DBT? What issues do you struggle with? What are your mixed feelings about?

Thanks for asking and sharing your experience!!

I should have taken a dbt skills class or program when I was in my teens. Overwhelming emotions made me constantly suicidal in my late teens, the emotional pain was so bad that it felt physical. Unfortunately, that was during a period in my life when the hospital and program I was a part of had a bit of a snobby attitude towards dbt. My old t said it himself, that at the time psychodynamic therapy was seen as the gold standard, and dbt seen as therapy for the “intellectually challenged”. Which is crap of course, discouraging people like me from exploring the option.

In my thirties a work friend told me about dbt again but in a positive light. This lady was sharp and funny, well-educated. I had a second look at it but for years, still didn’t explore it.

Both psychodynamic and cbt therapy have worked well over the years and I find them complimentary. Current t has a 10 week dbt skills course he wanted me to try. And I did. But this first group was all young men except me and some of the antics made me uncomfortable so I dropped out. (Locker room humor until I entered the room, all goes silent that kind of thing).

Recently t is trying smaller more intimate groups of people he thinks will get along.
I’m in week two so far so good.

These days I need the skills to stop worrying about potential future outcomes and automatic poor self talk.

I do struggle with jealousy because my t runs the group but he is great at making me feel like I belong there.

Dbt can be deceptively simple or seem that way. I struggle with what does radical acceptance look like for me? I always confused the term with giving up. I also struggle with the coping mechanisms not in everyday struggles but the bigger crisis. Sometimes it feels like a thimble of water on a fire.

Ps do you have favorite skills or learnings from dbt so far?

I don’t know if this one is just my ts or an actual dbt thing, but when you have to remove yourself from a toxic or unproductive interaction, if it happens with a loved one just be sure to let them know when you are coming back so neither party feels abandoned. I like that. It does however remind me of a bad memory but now I can pinpoint what was wrong with the situation.