Possibly quitting

Lately I've been wanting to quit therapy. I find that the more I go, the more negative I start to feel because I feel pressured to think about the past when all I want to do is not dwell on it. I can't say that my T is making me feel that way. I think it's just the natural result sometimes of going to therapy because you feel like you need to talk about everything. It puts me more in my own head, and I really don't want to talk about these things anymore. I just want to move on.

I find lately that the most valuable time to me is when I am at home (when I actually have the time), working on things that make me happier and spending time with my pets. But there is a weird sense of guilt about quitting. Like I owe my T something, or the T will be disappointed in me, or I am failing myself. I never cared when I quit with other Ts, but this one I actually liked and that's what's causing the reluctance to leave.

It would be good to get some feedback on this if you are going through it or have gone through it. Did you feel guilty or hesitant? Did you make yourself keep going? Did you just stop temporarily? This is the first time therapy has ever made me feel conflicted this way, and I worry it's simply because I often fall in the trap of wishing my T could be a friend.

Perhaps ask yourself why you sought out therapy in the first place. What your goals were and talk to your T about wanting to focus on the present symptoms you’re having more than the past since it makes you ruminate at home.
I have a lot of childhood trauma my T thinks I need to work on, some of it I agree, some I don’t and I tell her so, she doesn’t believe me i think.
But I find my most helpful sessions are those focusing on my struggles today! And sure, they’re often linked to something further back but and I don’t mind discussing if she asks but otherwise try to steer things back to the present. After all, it’s those things that affect my daily life now, even if the root was when I was 5 or something.

A break might help also, or there’s nothing stopping your from quitting. It’s completely up to you. Maybe now is not the time, or you could manage better without? Everyone is different.

The same is true for me, Seelenna. Most of my current issues stem from childhood, but forcing myself to go through those events again is not something I want to do. My T is like yours and seems to want to go there, but I don't. So we have stayed mostly in the present. With my last T, we did talk about childhood issues fairly often, and I felt it accomplished almost nothing. Or nothing good.

For me, dealing with the events from my past, talking about them and bringing them out into the open, is the only thing that has really helped me be free of them. Avoidance, which I was really good at, didn't help. I didn't really want to go to therapy, but talking about them released me from the grip they had over me in all kinds of ways.

But everyone is different. You can always stop therapy and then decide to go back at a later time. Or you can go to one more session, maybe having an honest conversation with your therapist about how you see it. Maybe s/he has some perspective on it. Maybe it would be better for you to avoid it.

I really agree with this! I’m fantastically skilled at avoiding. I’m not good at being alone with my thoughts. I do ruminate on past things when they’re brought up and although that feels so dooming and bad, I think it’s almost a necessary evil of the journey, to process it and move forward. This work isn’t easy... but I believe that there is hope on the other side.

I just went through this— I had a thread about it last week. I recently tried going to therapy to get practical tools for managing work-related stress/anxiety and achieving a better work/life balance, but my T kept wanting to talk about my past and didn’t really have anything to offer in the way of skills/tools. I had already talked my childhood to death in therapy years ago, and saw absolutely no benefit to doing it again. It also simply put me more in my head and was actively working against my goal of being more present in my life now. Sometimes therapists have a “one size fits all” approach to therapy, where they think all answers lie in regurgitating childhood trauma. But that may be the worst approach for some clients— like me, who already are prone to ruminating and over-analyzing everything to death. I personally chose to quit therapy and have already found that I’m happier and more present (just in the last 10 days). I’m trying other things to deal with stress/anxiety, like getting outside more, spending more time with friends/dating, trying some dietary supplements, writing things down (and then letting them go), etc. It completely depends on what your goals are, but if processing childhood stuff isn’t one of them, then I don’t see any benefit to doing so. I don’t believe it’s the key to everything.

Currently having these thoughts...

Maybe you can just ask them to help you focus more on the here and now and the future. Not everyone likes to stay focused on the past and that's ok. This is about you and what you need.

I refuse to dwell on the past. I won't talk about it beyond a quick "my mom was ******" or something, then I go on. I felt bad at times for my T because I shut down so much and refused anything past related but when he started helping me on the here and now and the future, it was much better for me. It's ok to say that if you need to

I've heard from people CBT is good for the here and now and future, maybe try that?

For me, the relevant question is: Can I get what I need to get out of therapy without talking about the past and delving into the topics that make me feel like crap?

In my case the answer is no, and the things that brought me to therapy are pretty crucial to my life. So I'm sticking with therapy and talking about those crappy topics because I think it's the only way to work through them, even though it can be really difficult.

It's important to not make yourself do more than you can healthily tolerate, though, and you are the expert in what makes sense for you right now. You should always be able to slow down or switch gears if you need to.

If you only want to work on the present, then you might try CBT. Everyone is different, and while CBT isn't helpful for many traumatized people, it does work for others and there are many Ts who practice it. You might even do cbt on your own.

There is a difference between self-awareness and self-absorption. I think therapy often leads to self-absorption and ruminations. Instead of moving on, clients obsess about the past and rehash the same thing over and over. It may be helpful to process the past for some clients but only up to a point imo. As for feeling guilty quitting, I never felt guilty or like I owed a therapist anything. The only thing that is owed is the fee. You get to quit at any moment for any reason.