[WishfulThinker66]

I am just wondering everyone's take on this. Which would describe the present relationship you have with your therapist or psychologist in terms of how you see them? Do you feel it ought to be one or the other of the first two?

In my own books I feel a healthcare provider of any sort ought to behave with the utmost of professionalism. Yet, I see here time and time again those who wish for more of a friendship or peer-to-peer relationship - or even more. I fail to understand this myself but that is my personal feeling on the subject.

So where do you yourself stand? Just what are your personal limits to what kind of caregiver-patient relationships should be.

[Echos Myron redux]

I see him as an ally.

[lucozader]

I don't see him as any of those things really. I see him as my therapist, which is its own thing.

[ArtleyWilkins]

My therapists comported themselves with professionalism and that is exactly what I wanted from them. I am no longer in therapy and consider them friends now. We aren’t buddies, but we are more like old friends who keep up with each other over the years.

[SalingerEsme]

My T says he is my advocate, so I hang on to that with both hands.

[Taylor27]

I see my therapist as a therapist. I also see him as my advocate too

[junkDNA]

All three

[Anne2.0]

I have no need to pay someone to be my foe, nor have a one sided friendship, and I benefit from the professional nature of the relationship because it is useful to me to have a space to engage in the steerage of my life and discuss the kinds of things it would be too hard for the people in my life to hear.

[DP_2017]

He never really acted professional with me... so it was always friend like

Professional is what I would like it to be. And this is exactly where I clash with my first T big time, he was very unprofessional and very often. Second T was okay in that department and it was definitely one of the features I appreciated in him the most. Professionalism in a T, for me, does not mean detached or extremely clinical, disciplined at all times etc. But professional in the sense of a therapist's job. Sometimes it felt like talking with a friend too much and I never liked those aspects much beyond some momentary pleasure. Friends are friends for me and I don't even desire foes in everyday life, let alone in paid appointments. I get perfectly enough competition via my own profession and it can be inspiring, but I get it for free and am actually paid a salary to deal with it

I remember telling T that I just don't know how to describe our relationship.
It's not friendship. It's not romantic. It's certainly not clinical.
I don't know what it is.
T said "**** what things, are meant to be. It is, this!. You don't have to have a label for it.
She was right. It is what we have.

[WishfulThinker66]

Wow. I really have enjoyed the responses thus far and some have caused me more consideration on the subject. I particularly found the comment suggesting their T be an advocate very insiteful. Thanks by the way.

[stopdog]

I never found a therapist to be an ally or advocate - the concept of a therapist being either of those things makes no sense to me - advocating for what? Ally in what way? What would I need those things for from a therapist? So I did not find them to be in those roles. The first was more of a hired foe and the second a hired neutral = really they both just sat there. Neither of them did anything.

I see my therapist as a therapist. The relationship is professional as it should be. I would not feel safe if it was any other way.

Child parts, which surface throughout the therapy, have contradictory wishes. This is part of the work we do, and he maintains appropriate responses. If he did not, it would not be therapy. I would not pay for anything that was not therapy.

[Salmon77]

A good colleague. We work together.

[SalingerEsme]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Wow. I really have enjoyed the responses thus far and some have caused me more consideration on the subject. I particularly found the comment suggesting their T be an advocate very insiteful. Thanks by the way.

I've never had an advocate before, in the way he means it, with no strings attached. It was very touching when he told me he was my advocate, and it helps me keep my bearings when I feel upset, judged, or threatened by something that comes up in therapy. He used to become a foe if I got scared or couldn't recover from a session and was dysregulated for hours. This one idea of who he wants to be really helped.

advocating for what?

. Shame and those attendant feelings that come from being a little kid in bad adult hands sometimes mean you don't have a sense of self, never mind advocate for yourself. For people who are hard on themselves or blame themselves for things out of their control, it can be life affirming or even lifesaving to have your T advocate for you even if it is to your adult self about your past self . It is like role modeling. If I tell my T I feel guilty bc of xyz , he is likely to argue my case to myself. ( Unless I genuinely screwed up and then he will take a different path).

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

I don't even desire foes in everyday life, let alone in paid appointments. I get perfectly enough competition via my own profession and it can be inspiring, but I get it for free and am actually paid a salary to deal with it

I'm also in a profession that provides an ample supply of foes as part of the work. My foes are not so inspiring, but they are powerful within the domain.
The most powerful, so maybe it's inspiring that anyone shows up to do battle with them.

There's an interesting line in one of the best things I've ever read about therapy, or fictionalized therapy (Lisa Alther's Other Women), about the therapist who understands the client needs to lock horns with her and the client thinks they are in a real struggle, but in fact the therapist is a faux foe, like your favorite uncle who lets you win at chess when you're a kid. To have a therapist as a foe would be a true luxury in terms of time and money, and I can't imagine having enough of either to engage in this way. Power to the people who do. Having a paid foe makes less sense to me and what I go to therapy for than having a paid friend, but I think whatever kind of therapy helps people is just fine and nobody's biz but their own.

[SlumberKitty]

I see my current T as a professional. My former T always stressed how she was on my team. I didn't see her as a team-mate exactly, but sort of like an advocate like others have said, or someone who had my best interests in mind. Kit

[nottrustin]

I think the three labels are to simplistic for the relationship I had with T. We were a team. She was a support person for me and an important part of my safety net. My mom died when I was just starting to have children. In many ways she guided me through life changes and struggles I am sure many viewed our relationship as unprofessional. We did have a dual relationship. ANYTHING that happened in the therapy room stayed there and was very professional. Living I a small town our paths crossed outside of therapy room. Over the years we frequently crossed over the professional line into almost a friend. During those times we never discussed anything relating to therapy. When we were in therapy we never discussed the outside relationship. We were very careful to never allow the 2 to cross. She knew my husband and family. They knew she was my therapist but that was never even mentioned by any of the parties.

With Emdr T we have a very professional relationship. I am sure it helps that I travel about 45 miles one way to see her and she loves about 45 miles away from there in the other direction.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

I see my therapist as a therapist, a professional.

I have a background of strong family and friend relationships with women, so I think I tend to relate to her as a sort of good friend/mentor. There are strengths to this, a kind of ease and comfort, and drawbacks, having to be mindful that we’re not chatting over coffee and that my inclination to mutual relationship isn’t a part of the therapy space.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

. Shame and those attendant feelings that come from being a little kid in bad adult hands sometimes mean you don't have a sense of self, never mind advocate for yourself. For people who are hard on themselves or blame themselves for things out of their control, it can be life affirming or even lifesaving to have your T advocate for you even if it is to your adult self about your past self . It is like role modeling. If I tell my T I feel guilty bc of xyz , he is likely to argue my case to myself. ( Unless I genuinely screwed up and then he will take a different path).

Oh. That was not my response to the therapist doing that sort of thing at me. I never found it life-affirming etc.

[piggy momma]

I think my T is many things.

He is definitely my advocate. He has advocated or been willing to advocate for me on many things.

He is my cheerleader. He sees in me what I don't see in myself and keeps me going.

He is my confidante. There's nothing I can't tell him.

He is a professional, yes, but he is also a person. He has good days and bad, he has his faults, he's not perfect.

We also have a dual relationship and keep everything very separate, for the most part. Occasionally we'll talk about class for five minutes and then we'll both say "we're not even supposed to be talking about this" and move on...but therapy never ever ever comes to class.

He's not a paid friend. He's my therapist. And he's everything a therapist should be to me.

We are very friendly but not friends. She is my ally, my confidante, and also a good teacher for me.

[starfishing]

Professional is probably most accurate. He's my doctor and my therapist, and he upholds a really high degree of professionalism. Our relationship is oddly both more and less formal than the one I have with my other healthcare providers--my therapist and I don't chat about our lives the way my PCP and I do, and my therapist's emails are extremely formal compared to the ones my other doctors and I exchange, but my therapist is the one who's seen me cry, who's shared how he feels about some of the most difficult things in my life, and who laughs easily and often when we talk. It's different, but clearly in the same category for me as other healthcare providers.

[Fuzzybear]

I require them to be professional and respectful. Some were not up to this requirement.