[justbreathe1994]

I noticed in DBT group the other night I am starting to have really strong jealousy for my T’s other clients. Mostly, I just notice that she seems to call on them more to talk (I am pretty shy anyway), and she just seems so much more interested in what they have to say. Like when they say stuff, she responds and there is a dialogue. When I say something, she just moves on to the next person. Idk if my observations are reality or not because they may just be my own insecurities. This is one of the MANY reasons I am afraid of bringing this up with her. Also, a similar dynamic happened with last T and I never want that to happen again... However, this is really triggering for me. At the same time, maybe it’s better I don’t feel special to her right from the get go because feeling special to my T screwed me over in the past. Another thing that was hard is she had a client from group lead an activity, which made it seem like they were buddies and/or colleagues. Through the rest of the group, the client was doing a lot of “teaching” and I guess I just felt like they were better than me in some way and I felt jealous because my T probs think is so amazing and proud of her that she asked her to lead the activity. If I’m overreacting or being overly sensitive please tell me. I want to talk to my T about this but I’m also scared out of my mind to talk to her about it.

[sarahsweets]

I think the important thing is to determine if its perception or fact.

[DP_2017]

Bring it up. Jealously is common

I have struggled my entire life with it. However it came out in the worst way with him. I brought it up often but it wasn't really discussed

Now with him gone, for the first time in my life it's rageful and making me want to hurt people. It really manifested and it's not ok

You don't want it to become too much so please bring it up. Good luck

[TishaBuv]

Maybe try to minimize the relationship with the therapist and the others in the group, and focus on yourself, why you are there, what you learn, how you use it in your personal life. Remind yourself the therapist is a facilitator and the others are there, like you, to work on themselves.

[Anne2.0]

In my experience, this is normal for being part of a group, that group-iness brings this out. If you asked many group members what they think, most people would say they are the marginalized ones and that others are treated more favorably than they are. Those who do not feel slighted might not have grown up in dysfunctional families, or they are particularly strongly defended (but of course I'm always the favorite one!) or they are more avoidant and want to be ignored, so they don't notice or it doesn't feel bad to them.

It's possible that both things are true, that it is partly your filter/lens that is making you feel less responded to, and maybe the T is responding to you for reasons that make sense in terms of the group dynamics. Such as, perhaps you say more in your comments than other people, where others need to be drawn out for their meaning, and that's why there's a dialog. I'm not sure (haven't studied therapy in particular and not groups), but I think the ideal is not for the dialog to be between leader and group, but group members.

[ArtleyWilkins]

My guess is this is more your perception than reality. You are new to the group, so there may be reasons that you aren't aware of yet since you may not quite know all of the dynamics of the group quite yet; that can take some time.

Talk to the therapist about it if it's bothering you. The therapist may simply be giving you time to get comfortable. Remember, having a new group member is also a major adjustment for the other members and affects the entire group dynamic, so the therapist has to work to help everyone settle in to the new dynamic which may be why some of the focus is on those older members. You may not be aware (are probably not aware) of the individual issues with those individual members, but the therapist is.

Group is not always equal time for every member. That is something you will start understanding and adjusting to the longer you attend. The fact is that most sessions will somewhat focus on a few members; the other fact is that which members are of focus will change session to session depending on what is being discussed, etc. It isn't about favoritism; it is simply the way group dynamics work.

[Ididitmyway]

I think, if you are there to do the work then it shouldn't matter if the therapist likes other clients more than you. Maybe she does. I am not here to tell you if it's a perception or reality. There is no way for anyone to know that. It's not that she might like someone else better, it's the fact that it upsets you that you need to pay attention to. If your healing becomes dependent on being your therapist's favorite, you won't be able to make much progress.