[noneedtoknow]

Greetings,

I have been working with my T for 15 months. It has been a struggle most of the time. I had a lot of difficulty just talking. I am able to do so better now. But the therapy has been a whole lot about "us" i.e misunderstandings/fears of judgements, whether he likes more or not. Frankly it has been ridiculous in a lot of ways that I have spent that much time wrapped up that in all that stuff that frankly doesn't really matter. . We havn't done a lot of "connecting" either. There have been a few times where it felt really usueful/gratifying etc. For the most part, again, it's just been a struggle. I find more and more I don't want to share my emotions/feelings because,'why bother?' I just had a few situations that were disconcerting. He listened, gave a few suggestions, but that's about it. I left and felt disappointed. I had shared some things and I know he listened. But I didn't feel emotionally supported.

I know he has been helpful in ways. I can see some value in the time. I have learned a few things and had the opportunity to talk about some things that I have needed to. I know he could be a great counselor for some people. I am just tired of the feeling that we don't connect. I still have the fear about judgement (which I have problems with that anyway) He evan has acknowledge he is not very good at validating/being emotionally supportive. yet that seems to be what I need. I have thought of quitting many, many times, yet I keep hanging in there. Maybe it's me, it's my fears etc. yes, it is, but I don't think it is all me. It's just hard to let go, cause I don't know what's on that other side. I am going to do a session with a new T. I am scared though that I will have all the same problems with this guy. But I think,"''''ok, might have the same problems, but maybe he has different strategies/techniques to deal with it". Don't know. I am doing this next step. I havn't "fired"' my other T yet. But I'm getting there. It's sad, I know he is a great guy in some ways. I guess just not for me?? Little ambivalence there.

Anyway, long post. Don't kow if anyone else has been there. It's just what it is. Thanks for reading if you have. Hope you all have a good day.

[sarahsweets]

All of this sounds like you have given it 14 months too long. I think you need a new therapist.

[winter4me]

Been there...don't be afraid (well, be afraid but don't let it stop you) to change therapists; you already know you need something this person can't give you and that is OK. I hung in too long with someone who was not right for me, so keep going and if the next isn't right move on------the time to question yourself is if the pattern repeats too often...if no one is right. (even then, you may find another form of 'therapy' that does work for you or that talking only goes so far for you)...((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))

[susannahsays]

Sounds like maybe it just isn't the right fit or perhaps the right modality. You won't know unless you try other therapists and see if that makes a difference. I'm sorry you're feeling so discouraged, and I hope you find someone you click with without too much bother. But please don't give up if the first alternative you try is a dud. Seems like lots of people have to interview multiple therapists before they find one that suits them.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by noneedtoknow

Greetings,

I have been working with my T for 15 months. It has been a struggle most of the time. I had a lot of difficulty just talking. I am able to do so better now. But the therapy has been a whole lot about "us" i.e misunderstandings/fears of judgements, whether he likes more or not. Frankly it has been ridiculous in a lot of ways that I have spent that much time wrapped up that in all that stuff that frankly doesn't really matter. . We havn't done a lot of "connecting" either. There have been a few times where it felt really usueful/gratifying etc. For the most part, again, it's just been a struggle. I find more and more I don't want to share my emotions/feelings because,'why bother?' I just had a few situations that were disconcerting. He listened, gave a few suggestions, but that's about it. I left and felt disappointed. I had shared some things and I know he listened. But I didn't feel emotionally supported.

I know he has been helpful in ways. I can see some value in the time. I have learned a few things and had the opportunity to talk about some things that I have needed to. I know he could be a great counselor for some people. I am just tired of the feeling that we don't connect. I still have the fear about judgement (which I have problems with that anyway) He evan has acknowledge he is not very good at validating/being emotionally supportive. yet that seems to be what I need. I have thought of quitting many, many times, yet I keep hanging in there. Maybe it's me, it's my fears etc. yes, it is, but I don't think it is all me. It's just hard to let go, cause I don't know what's on that other side. I am going to do a session with a new T. I am scared though that I will have all the same problems with this guy. But I think,"''''ok, might have the same problems, but maybe he has different strategies/techniques to deal with it". Don't know. I am doing this next step. I havn't "fired"' my other T yet. But I'm getting there. It's sad, I know he is a great guy in some ways. I guess just not for me?? Little ambivalence there.

Anyway, long post. Don't kow if anyone else has been there. It's just what it is. Thanks for reading if you have. Hope you all have a good day.

It sounds like you have had a minimally productive relationship with this person and it's well past the time that you *cut your losses and moved on*. I don't want to get preachy here but the strategy of cutting your losses is a sound one, and FOR ME, needs to be implemented far more often and more quickly.

I read an article about the phenomenon called "pathological persistence." Hoping that a situation would get better, hanging in there, well past the point when it had tanked. It's definitely ME lots of the time. Is it you, at least in this instance?

You sound clear and like you have a plan. I would only offer two pieces of feedback. One: is it worthwhile to have a discussion about which needs you had -- that weren't being met with your current T. Suggesting that you needed more supportive feedback and didn't get it, and you want to spend more time on your ongoing issues and less time on the "relationship" ?

The second thing I wonder: How will you prevent the same thing happening with another T? Are you prepared to say, "I need a supportive approach in my therapy?" "I would rather focus on my own issues, and steer more clear of the relationship with you -- I need some ME time in therapy?"

I think you are wise to take stock at this juncture and again, you sound very very clear.