My best friend that has been in my life for 33 yrs. She has suffered some very traumatic things in her life, and finally found "the thing" that works for her: EMDR. This makes me so happy for her. I've seen her struggle for so long, and often felt so powerless and of no help at all.
To make a long story short, I'm much newer to the battle with my own mental health problems. PTSD, panic disorder, and a few other diagnosed conditions are really all new to me. In some respects, I'm still in the stage of fully understand what some of these things even mean. If you've read my posts, you'll know I have a T that I very much believe in. In fact, this is really the only positive I am feeling about the road ahead of me right now.
When I talk to my best friend, she is always instant that EMDR is what's I need and that nothing else will work. She does not trust that my T will be able to help me. She is mad because I've recently agreed to take Xanax for my progressively debilitating panic attacks and thinks that I am being led astray by my T and med Dr. Her only prescription for what will work for me is a low dose antidepressant and EMDR and doesn't seem open to hearing anything else.
She's been my best friend my whole life. She loves and cares for me like few people do I understand she's very concerned for me, and living across the country from one another doesn't make her anxiety about things any better. I'm not upset with her about how she feels. I know it comes from a place of love and care. My problem is that I believe her unwillingness to be open to the idea that different things work for different people has become a barrier to me feeling like I can talk to her freely about what I'm experiencing. That's a ****** feeling because I need her right now.
I looked into EMDR last year at her suggestion. She even scheduled an appointment for me with someone in my city, then insisted I go. I didn't go and I just don't feel like it's for me. I had a bit of a sketchy path getting to the right T for me, and as I said previously...I feel like I'm in the right hands.
How do I approach all of this with my BFF without causing her more anxiety? I especially don't want to make her think I don't believe in her choice of the EMDR approach, because it is working for her. It's causing me a lot of trouble in the mind right now, which I don't need... But I love her and can't just ignore the situation.

[Out There]

Sometimes these things do need to be addressed when they are affecting friendships. Maybe it's natural that if we find something helpful we try to tell others about it and suggest or encourage that they try it. And I'm a big fan of EMDR so I have done it. But it's not for everyone and people's choices have to be respected. So it's assertiveness and boundary setting. " I'm glad you find it helpful , but it's nor for me , thanks ". If the friendship is solid it will survive. I lost a friendship of 25 years partly to working with a Shaman. That wasn't solid clearly , but it did show up a lot of issues. I do hope you can resolve this without this happening.

[Accesshoop]

Hey Nemo,

Friend support is great to have, maybe even friend advice; but when you start to feel pressured to acquiesce to their views or you will cause them discomfort (anxiety) or garner harsh disapproval, I think there's a problem...perhaps on both sides.

I would try something to the effect of, "I appreciate your concern and suggestions. For now, I think I am on a path that is right for me. If in the future it becomes clear that what I am doing isn't working, I may reach out to you again to chat about options. For now, I think the topic of EMDR for me is causing us both some discomfort and is making things kind of awkward between us. I'd like for us to go back to supporting each other, even if we don't always agree with the choices the other person is making. I only want the best for you and I think you want the same for me. I need you as my friend, not my therapy director. I love you."

Okay, edit that down!

Originally Posted by Accesshoop

Hey Nemo,

Friend support is great to have, maybe even friend advice; but when you start to feel pressured to acquiesce to their views or you will cause them discomfort (anxiety) or garner harsh disapproval, I think there's a problem...perhaps on both sides.

I would try something to the effect of, "I appreciate your concern and suggestions. For now, I think I am on a path that is right for me. If in the future it becomes clear that what I am doing isn't working, I may reach out to you again to chat about options. For now, I think the topic of EMDR for me is causing us both some discomfort and is making things kind of awkward between us. I'd like for us to go back to supporting each other, even if we don't always agree with the choices the other person is making. I only want the best for you and I think you want the same for me. I need you as my friend, not my therapy director. I love you."

Okay, edit that down!

Thanks

[Seelenna1982]

First of all.... I really get that you love your friend from what you’ve written and that the two of you are very close and that’s a great relationship to have. But....with all good intentions she’s completely crossing your boundaries by insisting that what works for her will work for you.
My T is very keen to get me into emdr. Almost excitedly so (I know from a view of her seeing someone suffer and knowing a technique that helps many) We started about 3 months in and I absolutely hated it. I found it retraumatizing, it would make me spiral off into weeks of dissociation. I’m not saying emdr doesn’t work or even that it didn’t for me, but I definitely know, I’m just not ready to go there yet. Maybe someday, or maybe not. And that’s ok.
This is YOUR healing journey! It can only move at YOUR pace and to the places you are ready for it to go to.

You know your friend best, but if it was a close relationship of mine in this situation, knowing how I hate confrontation, I would likely write a very loving email explaining how happy I am my dear friend is finding help where she needs it and that it is working for her. And I really appreciate how much she cares and wants to share her sucsss journey with me. However, emdr isn’t something I’m ready for just yet and although her intentions are encouraging, I find it very stressful to manage when she keeps pushing that one method in front of me. There are many forms of therapy, it’s not a one size fits all and right now, I am happy working where I am.
Most of the time people mean SO well that they’re blinded by your subtle reactions to turn it down. Usually a good clear explanation is all it takes. Unless of course that relationship is toxic, then there’s often no amount of explaining that helps.

I like the email or letter idea. I didn't think of that. Then she can read it over if she wants. Thanks.