[ECHOES]

T is so thoughtful and caring. I have never felt like this in my life and I love it and feel guilty for loving it.

We talked about the feeling guilty for loving being with her and where the guilt comes from. It is just so awesome to be able to tell her that I could sit with her in the room and neither of us could talk and it would still feel good, still be therapeutic.

I love being with her. She could read me her shopping list and I'd be content.

She's going to be on vacation for 2 weeks. It's going to be hard. She told me this last week and said she was going to 'be around' and would still be able to be reached by cell phone. She's offered the cell phone before several times but I can never call it. I feel undeserving, not special enough, that my need isn't 'good enough' or important enough. I have wanted to but just couldn't.

So after a rough weekend I called her regular phone and left a message on Sunday night. I just wanted to hear her voice in the recording and I wanted to feel connected to her. I said that's why I was calling and that she didn't need to call me back. Monday I called again from my cell, very late, needing the comfort of her voice so I could maybe sleep. But I accidentally called her cell!! At midnight!! omg. I realized it when it rang longer, the machine usually picks up after 3 rings and this kept ringing. I didn't wnat to not leave a message, didn't want her to have a call with no one there and have her wonder or worry. So I lef t a message saying I didn't mean to call her cell and she didn't need to call me back, was just connecting again. A few minutes later she called :-) . I missed it and was listening to the message that said she was goiong to try again in a few minutes. I slept with the phone in my hand.

She called the next day at work, wanting to 'touch base' and to see how I was doing. She had called back that night before but it must have been when I was listening to her message.

I just love so much that she calls and I love hearing her voice when she does. She called me at work, knowing I can't talk (no privacy) yet I could hear her voice and be comforted.

So, when she said she'd be on vacation but accessible by cell, it was a dilemma for me because of my not wanting to call her cell. That night after I left the message on her cell I was saying to myself I couldn't BELIEVE i called her cell!! And then I chuckled because I wondered.... was I "practicing" in case I want to call her when she's on vacation?

[krazibean]

melt, melt...........melt.

[(JD)]

(((Echoes)))) I'm sure she would rather helped you feel better quickly, rather than you not call and then have you suffering all that time and have to deal with a crisis situation when she's back?

[jacq10]

ahh your T sounds so sweet

[sunrise]

ECHOES, sounds like things are going so well with your T and that you feel deeply partnered to her. No need to feel guilty about this. You deserve it!

[MissCharlotte]

Echoes,

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But I accidentally called her cell!! At midnight!! omg

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I love this!

I share your cell phone dilemma. I have T's 3 phone numbers (cell, office, home). But I rarely use any but the office number. It just doesn't seem right! I call his cell only when we make a pre-arranged time when he will be available.

(Yesterday I called his cell 2x but he didn't pick up so I hung up without leaving a msg.)

Maybe having her cell phone number will give you some extra needed comfort during her vacation?

Awesome T, awesome story. I would die if I called my T's home on accident (she doesn't really use her cell).

[krazibean]

it's funny, i have my T's cell number and office number. i've only ever called her office once and that was when i needed to hear her voice at like 1am, but i did leave a message. usually i always call her cell because her office hours aren't 5 days a week 9-5. so usually i have a better chance of getting her. also when she calls me its usually from her cell phone, i think she's only called me once from the office. (she's also called me from her home phone but it came up as withheld, and she never gave me that number its funny how T's preferences differ

I would die if accidentally called T's cell phone at midnight. Especially since I don't have his cell phone number, haha. Echoes, I love your T. She sounds so warm; no wonder you can sit in silence with her and be comfortable.

[Perna]

My T had different offices, none of them really "hers" so she used her cell phone exclusively for calling. I bet most of them turn off their cell phones late at night or it's in their purse or with their "things" on the hall table, etc.?

Echoes, I loved your "she could read her grocery list" thought; I felt the same way, like we could both just sit and read our own books or I could nap "safely" :-)

i keep all the voicemails... ALL of them. Even if he just says "sorry i missed you, call when you're home" ANYTHING with his voice soothes me.

i have asked him to just leave me voicemails just for the sake of having them. i have tried to "collect" them off my voicemail but the quality is low i have had time to modify them in software..

haha.. i told him in software i can change things around and make him "say" anything i want. hahahaha

i can't just sit there in silence and be ok... not yet. It will take a long time before that could happen... i'd become of afraid.

[Fuzzybear]

((((( ECHOES ))))) and ((((( T ))))))