[sunrise]

Tonight, the whole gang is coming for therapy. By that, I mean my husband and our 2 daughters. This will be the first time my T has met our kids. He's heard a lot about them. I am wondering what we will talk about, how this will go, how my kids will respond and what they will say, and how T will manage the session. I'm even wondering where the girls will choose to sit. Will they sit next to me? Or to my husband? It's going to be a full room! Will my T say after the session, aha, now I see your family is so screwed up because of you? Will he like my daughters? Will they like him? My youngest asked me what T looked like, which I told her, and then she asked, "is he hawt?" So many questions!

Anyone ever brought their whole family for therapy? How did it go? Was it good, awful, useful?

[Perna]

Oh, how exciting and terrifying :-) I can't imagine.

[ECHOES]

sunrise, it sounds full of potential! Let us know how it goes!

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sunrise said:
My youngest asked me what T looked like, which I told her, and then she asked, "is he hawt?"

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That is hilarious.
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Anyone ever brought their whole family for therapy? How did it go? Was it good, awful, useful?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Um, I would probably rather stick my head in a toilet bowl and flush it repeatedly, but that doesn't mean it won't go well for you, lol. From your posts, it seems as though your family is pretty committed to working together through your divorce. And of course, it seems as though your T is equally as committed. I'm sure he will manage the session well and help you all to find a good balance. Good luck, Sunny!! Please let us know how it turns out, I really wanna know!!

[jacq10]

((((((((((((((Sunrise & Family))))))))))))
Wow! I couldn't imagine doing that - but then again, thats just because of my family! Let us know how it goes!
Best of luck
xoxo

[sunrise]

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pinksoil said:
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sunrise said:
My youngest asked me what T looked like, which I told her, and then she asked, "is he hawt?"

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That is hilarious.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Ha, ha, what's even more hilarious is how I stammered around when she asked me that question. I think I answered something horribly non-committal, like, well, when you meet him, you can see for yourself.

Thanks for the notes of encouragement everyone (except for the toilet bowl comment, lol).

And oh, ahhhh, sheeeesh, T just emailed me saying he is looking forward to tonight. Reassurance. Ahhhhh. Can he read my mind or what?

[lauren_helene]

Hi sunny, I can't wait to hear more on this session after it happens. I like that T emailed you some reassurance too

> I would probably rather stick my head in a toilet bowl and flush it repeatedly...

Amen to that lol.

People would understand if they ever met my family

[sunrise]

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> I would probably rather stick my head in a toilet bowl and flush it repeatedly...

Amen to that lol.

People would understand if they ever met my family

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If you are talking about doing therapy with your parents/siblings, then I kind of feel the same way. I would not want to do therapy with my parents and brothers and sisters. But with my husband and kids, it is a very different story. I want us all to heal and be able to come through the divorce stronger and not hating each other. We may all have better relationships after we are split up than we ever did before. My T likes to work with adults and their parents, but me--not so interested! However, being in therapy has helped me some in my relationship with my mom, mainly I think because I have gotten better at having relationships through the relationship with T.

[sunrise]

So, we did have the family therapy session last night. And today I had my individual session, and we spent a lot of time talking about what happened last night. Now that T has met the whole family, he has a sort of master plan for our family therapy, and what needs to happen in order for the family system to heal and function healthily in the future. And yes, we will continue to have a family system even though at some point, we will be divorced. T says the way to proceed in our family therapy is really clear to him. Well, great!

I felt very proud to introduce my two daughters to him last night. These are my girls, they are part of ME. He said he used techniques in our group session to model things he wants us to do as a family. Truthfully, the last 3 sessions have been so jam packed with information on how to do things better in the family, that I can't remember up from down. I wish it was all written down. I feel like I am much more now getting to see T in action in his family systems mode, which is his training. I think he is a genius at it, actually. He is in his element. It is a bit of a relief to let him be in charge and manage the family session, since I always take on that role in my individual sessions. Nice to sit back and let the expert run the show.

Our focus was on the holidays (our first Thanksgiving apart in umpteen years), the recent separation of me and my husband, the loss of old routines and rituals, and the challenge of making new routines (the girls going back and forth between 2 houses).

My youngest daughter, who is very withdrawn and reserved, cried in session the first time that T spoke to her. She became very sad and started crying and pulled her hair over her face so that no one could see her. I slipped my hand under her coat and rubbed her leg, trying to give her some comfort. As my husband watched her, it looked like he was going to cry too. She is just so sad about the family splitting up but has been unable to express that.

All in all, it was a good session. We each got a chance to share and speak. At one point near the end, T said something that suddenly made me sad and a wave of sadness swept over me. I didn't say anything or even move or draw attention to myself or cry or anything, just continued to listen to what T was saying. T didn't even look at me, but said seamlessly to everyone, "right now, sunny is very sad, she is reacting to what I just said and a wave of sadness has come over her." I just felt so attuned with him, that he felt this from me without even looking at me, and wow, what a contrast, my husband would never even notice anything about the way I was feeling, or if he did, he certainly wouldn't remark on it. The way T noticed made me feel really cared for, like I and my feelings mattered. Before the session ended, he made sure to comment on something he had observed about each person and what they were feeling. It feels very good to be observed in a caring way. Everyone there mattered.

Oh, yeah, I know some people are going to be jealous of this, but in today's session, T read me a storybook, with pictures! He would read a page, and then turn the book toward me so I could see the pics, then read more. It was sooooooo nice.

[ECHOES]

I'm so glad it went well! I can imagine it felt good be able to relax and have T run the show. Yout trust him and have a lot of confidence in him.

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T didn't even look at me, but said seamlessly to everyone, "right now, sunny is very sad, she is reacting to what I just said and a wave of sadness has come over her."

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OMG. your T wonderfully perceptive!! That must have been amazing to experience.

I'm so sorry your youngest is having a hard time with all this; it is so different from her perspective.

The storybook? Capital "J" sunny!!

Sunny, I truly share in your sadness as I read your post.

I also greatly admire you and your family for the hard work you are putting in. Your girls must be strong like you.

I figured your T would maintain the session in a wonderful, balanced way.

I'm so curious about the book. What was it about? How did it pertain to you?

[jacq10]

Can I just say that i think it's so great that you're family is having your T come and talk to them all. I don't know much about you or your situation, but when my parents separated (2 years ago) I look back and wish that we had of had some sort of guided plan on how to handle everything. My family was all over the map so to speak, and i think you are really doing the right thing - for yourself, and for your children.
I'm glad things went well for you

[sunrise]

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pinksoil said:
I'm so curious about the book. What was it about? How did it pertain to you?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It was a little picture book about a boy and what he did with his feelings as he grew up and how it affected him later in life when he tried to have a friendship. It related to what some (or all) of my family members do with their feelings. My T wants to use it when we have another group session, and he shared it with me first. (I can't remember the name of the book or the author, but my T did tell me it is out of print, and he has used it many times in therapy sessions. He said it is particularly effective with men.)

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jacq10 said:
Can I just say that i think it's so great that you're family is having your T come and talk to them all. I don't know much about you or your situation, but when my parents separated (2 years ago) I look back and wish that we had of had some sort of guided plan on how to handle everything. My family was all over the map so to speak, and i think you are really doing the right thing - for yourself, and for your children.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Jacq, thank you so much for your post. It meant a lot to me. I hope one day my kids will say something similar to me and their father, that they appreciate how we did this and that it helped them. ((((hugs))))

[sunrise]

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ECHOES said:

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T didn't even look at me, but said seamlessly to everyone, "right now, sunny is very sad, she is reacting to what I just said and a wave of sadness has come over her."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

OMG. your T wonderfully perceptive!! That must have been amazing to experience.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It was an amazing experience. I was thinking today how powerful it was just to have someone notice I was sad and acknowledge it. At Thanksgiving dinner today, I was with my parents and sisters and I remembered how a couple of years ago, we were all gathered together at a table to discuss my father's demise (my dad called the meeting), because his health is terrible. I was having such terrible problems in my marriage, was totally depressed, crying every day, and this was too much for me to sit there and discuss my father's death with him and the other family members. I remember just sitting at the table with tears streaming down my face and no one in my family said a word about this. I could have been a rock or part of the scenery or sitting there with a smile on my face. Just no comment, let's ignore sunny's sadness. I didn't think anything of it at the time, that is just how my family is. But after this experience with T noticing and commenting on my sadness, I see that that can be a comforting thing and make you feel loved. Hey, someone noticed what I was feeling! How powerful is that?

[ECHOES]

((( sunny ))) that is so sad that they didn't know what to do, how to acknowledge your pain as you sat there in tears!

I was thinking about your daughter's "hawt" remark and wondering if somewhere in her mind she connects T to the divorce and was wondering if you have feelings for T and that it might be the reason for the divorce.

[sunrise]

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ECHOES said:
I was thinking about your daughter's "hawt" remark and wondering if somewhere in her mind she connects T to the divorce and was wondering if you have feelings for T and that it might be the reason for the divorce.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Well, sheesh, I hope not! The marriage problems preceded my beginning therapy with my T (by a long time), so I hope she puts two and two together. Plus, at our family session, T was very professional (as he always is) and certainly wasn't flirting with me or doing anything inappropriate like that to mislead my daughter. But, you know, there is some truth to a connection between my T and my divorce because before I started seeing him, I was unable to move forward with ending my marriage. I was profoundly stuck, and he helped me move beyond that. Really, I am not sure I could have got this far on the divorce without him (and I'm still not done). And my daughter does know that my husband and I have seen T for couples counseling. So she knows there is a connection with the marriage ending. She's just so sad. But in the past few years, she has been so angry about the state of our marriage/family. So we're ending it, which is good. But hard for her. And everyone.

Thanks, ECHOES.

[lauren_helene]

What an amazing group session and what a truly talented T you have! That is why I took my brother and mom to my sessions and I feel like I got a lot out of that and that my T is better able to see my path so to speak.

Yes, I'm jealous that he read you a book but hey last week my T took one of my calls and was very sweet about it too...that is progress I think! So, I'm still feeling good about the call.

I feel your daugher's pain she sounds like me. I used to do almost anything to avoid crying and would hide or runaway. But she did it and this will get easier for her as she goes along. Shes your daughter Sunny and she'll be just fine. It also sounds like your husband got to feel some of that pain from her too.

Good for all of you that it seems to have been very effective.

Sunny,
It sounds like it was a very productive session! I'm so happy for you. It was good that your daughter was able to express how she felt, even though I know it was hard to watch her get upset. Yes, you are right, I am jealous! How wonderful that your T read you a book. What book did he read, if you don't mind me asking? It sounds like your T is helping all of you make the best out of a difficult situation. T's are the best!
Thanks for sharing your story I always love reading your posts!

[psynics]

I heard group therapy? what is the gang therapy?