Couch 194: The Floral Couch

Hey couch. I feel pretty awful still. I did manage to send the following to my T:

"To be completely (humiliatingly) honest, I think that what I want is for you to tell me that I need to be admitted to the hospital. I know I could make that decision myself, to admit that I’m not sure of my safety and that I feel like I need more support. However, I have a difficult time making decisions when I’m in this state. And if I ask to be admitted I can’t be sure if there was a legitimate need or if this is just laziness, exhaustion with work, a fixed inability to feel like I’m getting my needs met outside of the frame of sickness. If I make the decision, I am deciding that one of my poor exhausted colleagues will have to cover for me at night, to cancel their own clinic and f*** up their sleep schedule because I can’t just pull it the f*** together (I’m scheduled to be on night wards for the next two weeks). Furthermore, I know that admission is thought to be somewhat risky for patients with the-disorder-that-shalt-not-be-named (can facilitate regression or up a dynamic where sickness is rewarded with attention or whatever the thinking is.) Just... this is not easy for me to admit, so if you could be gentle with me on this topic, I’d appreciate it."

I wish I would have talked more about transference with former T. I'm definitely stuck still idolizing her. I don't know how she would have handled talking about it. I know she was constantly seeking connection with me. Does that make transference more likely? With current T, I'm not sure I'm having transference with her. Except wishing she was former T. I do notice that I get more annoyed with her than I ever did with former T. Maybe former T was more attuned to me. Current T seems to be more in her world than mine when I am with her, if that makes any sense. HUGS Kit

Donut Friday at work today! Totally undermines my whole going walking in the park thing. But whatev's. It's fun. I could always use a little more fun in my life. HUGS Kit

HUGS Chihirochild. I hope you hear back from your T soon. Kit

I'm struggling today. It took me half an hour to get out of my car and go into work this morning. I really wish I could talk to my therapist. Apparently, this year, sunny days are triggering me. I got triggered on the way to my session yesterday. I felt just like I did in July 2017 and the feeling then brings memories with it. I managed to distract away from that feeling yesterday but I'm struggling with it today. The fact that we are leaving rainy season and entering beautiful, sunny season is not making me feel good at all.

Everted Copper Saucepan C-4520 – Townsends

Do you have an everted saucepan, or should i drone mine over to you asap?

I had to Google whitepot pudding. It looks delicious. I’m bookmarking the recipe I found. Yum.

stopdog, if you’re up for a pudding update, I am curious how it turns out with gf bread.

The recipe i saw said to slice the bread thinly thinly thinly, but the photos didnt look that thin. What say you?

Haha! We definitely looked at the same recipe. I thought the same thing, una.

Better go rake up my coals...

That was my favorite part of the recipe! Well, aside from all the buttering. And you know SD is actually doing it!

ETA - Fuzzy, i am just in awe of your boys story this morning / last night. I dont know which part was better, what you did, or what younger son said. I dont even want to think about how my parents reacted in similar situations, i just want this to be the picture that lasts in my brain memory neurons emotional whatever.

Someone put a noisy fan outside of my office pushing air down the hallway. It's driving me nuts. I know I'm hearing impaired, but things like fans and vacuums bother me. I'm definitely agitated.

H is taking very good care of me right now he took off work again today and is doing everything for me. Anticipating what i need even. He is even doing laundry.

@ArtieSwimsOn I'm glad H is taking care of you right now while you are dealing with the shingles and all the pain. Get well soon! HUGS Kit

I need to do something with the horrible horrible gf bread in my freezer. Report back, please.

Is that like bread pudding?

@NP_Complete

I'm sorry you're struggling so much NP. I haven't personally tried EDMR therapy, but perhaps it could be helpful in dealing with the triggers and flashbacks.

When do you next see T?

Not exactly what you wanted, but maybe you could make your own?

Simple gluten free bread recipe | Jamie Oliver bread recipes

If it's a recent thing. Can you move it somewhere else further away from you?

Perhaps it' can be reported as a fire hazard in the hallway, so needs to be removed ASAP?

It looked yummy! Its basically the precursor to Cinnabun, isnt it?

Bread never goes begging in my house though.

I just found out today my job is ending in July. They will no longer need me after that time.

Just needed to plant that somewhere. Sigh.