Dear T: I really need to tell you something XL

susannahsays · Apr 21, 2019 at 04:21 PM

Anything you would like to say to your therapist, big or small... post it here.

LonesomeTonight · Apr 21, 2019 at 04:57 PM

OK, I wasn't thinking Roman numerals at first, and was thinking this was the "extra-large Dear T thread"... (thanks for creating)

Echos Myron redux · Apr 21, 2019 at 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

OK, I wasn't thinking Roman numerals at first, and was thinking this was the "extra-large Dear T thread"... (thanks for creating)

I never knew 40 was XL!

Amyjay · Apr 21, 2019 at 05:32 PM

Oh, I most definitely have extra big things to tell my t!

DP_2017 · Apr 21, 2019 at 06:23 PM

I hope you had a nice holiday with your family.

susannahsays · Apr 21, 2019 at 08:05 PM

I don't care what you say! I'll do whatever I want! You can't control me!

Lemoncake · Apr 22, 2019 at 06:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I don't care what you say! I'll do whatever I want! You can't control me!

10:41 PM

I have a pic of myself taken today in which I look as completely relaxed and happy as I currently feel. I think I may have to email it to you as a follow up to my phone call the other day.
eta: i did. i hope it's ok.

Lemoncake · Apr 22, 2019 at 06:37 AM

Dear R,

Sooooooo thank you for responding to yesterdays email within 50 mins after I sent it.

I'm feeling relatively okay.

See you on thursday.

LostOnTheTrail · Apr 22, 2019 at 06:44 AM

We don't have an appointment set up yet, but I have notes, so I am feeling calmer.

See you Thursday, I hope.

Lemoncake · Apr 26, 2019 at 10:42 PM

I don't care if it's 3 months away, I woke up angry at you and dreaming of pharmacology. Why do you even need another holiday you just came back?

Lemoncake · Apr 28, 2019 at 03:15 AM

i'm still angry at you and I feel like canceling my sessions for this week.

It's because your going away with her again. You love her and not me. I'm jealous of a child what does that say about me?

Of course you would, but i don't feel like i can bring this up with you.

CartDown · Apr 29, 2019 at 07:18 AM

I love you so much it hurts. Sometimes I wish you were able to love me, too.

LabRat27 · May 01, 2019 at 05:18 AM

Possible trigger:

I think I'm going to end up hurting myself when you're gone next week

Especially because the 11th will be one year since... that really really really ****** day
And I know you're allowed to take a week off. And I know it's not abandoning me. And I know you have no idea what day that was last year.
I don't even want to admit that I checked my old calendar.
Your name on all the Fridays after that was angrily scribbled out in black marker.
I had to see that reminder on my calendar for the next two months.

And maybe I just also want to establish that I'm not okay going a week without you.
But talking to you about this preemptively on Friday would seem like a guilt trip. You're going to try to convince me to not do it. It's not going to work. And then I'll feel guilty for having burdened you with that knowledge. And pathetic for being so needy.
Maybe I should only tell you after if at all.

LabRat27 · May 16, 2019 at 03:57 PM

T who isn't my T,
Thank you. I don't really know how to thank you without making it awkward.
I think you know that I know what you were doing. I know you very intentionally chose to disclose that; I don't think I can remember you ever disclosing something like that in a meeting before. I really appreciate it that you did it for my sake.
And it really did make me realize just how differently I feel when it's someone else.
I'm sorry your childhood was like that. I hope you know you're a good person.

LabRat27 · May 24, 2019 at 12:53 PM

I'm nervous, but not as nervous as I used to be before bringing up this kind of topic. I'm actually kind of expecting you to handle it well and reassure me that my fears are not the case.
I guess this is progress.
Maybe I'm trusting you more.
Please please please don't let me have been wrong. This is a big thing I've been too scared and ashamed to address directly for a long time.

LabRat27 · May 24, 2019 at 08:20 PM

Of course the one time that you're behind me would be the time I ****ed up my shifting... I thought "yikes, i hope no one heard that," then looked in my mirror and saw you.
Can I get a do over? I swear I normally seem much cooler.

LabRat27 · May 25, 2019 at 11:07 AM

I think I figured out what I'm doing for my homework assignment of finding something fun to do this weekend.

Only problem is it is something I am absolutely not telling you about. I have no idea whether you'd approve (you'd certainly have some questions and reservations), but more importantly it's just something I would rather die than have a conversation with you about.

Lemoncake · May 25, 2019 at 11:35 PM

I could meet you on friday in person at my normal time when i go back, but i'm actually just scared to. It makes it more real sitting in front of you rather than when there's miles between us.

I dreamt of you last night. You were playing with me and my sister in the snow outside my house and pulling us along a red sledge.

Lemoncake · May 29, 2019 at 09:21 PM

I haven't been home since Christmas, but i'm actually having fun. Maybe it's cause i'm only here for three days but It's nice to just spend time with my kid sisters and Belle .

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XL

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susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 04:21 PM #1 Anything you would like to say to your therapist, big or small... post it here. __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,833 (SuperPoster!) 9 75k hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 04:57 PM #2 OK, I wasn't thinking Roman numerals at first, and was thinking this was the "extra-large Dear T thread"... (thanks for creating)

Amyjay Magnate Member Since Mar 2017 Location: Underground Posts: 2,439 7 692 hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 05:32 PM #4 Oh, I most definitely have extra big things to tell my t!

DP_2017 Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2017 Location: A house Posts: 4,414 6 665 hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 06:23 PM #5 I hope you had a nice holiday with your family. __________________ Grief is the price you pay for love.

susannahsays Grand Magnate Member Since Jun 2018 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,355 5 1 hugs given	Apr 21, 2019 at 08:05 PM #6 I don't care what you say! I'll do whatever I want! You can't control me! __________________ Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold

Anonymous43207 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 21, 2019 at 08:58 PM #8 I have a pic of myself taken today in which I look as completely relaxed and happy as I currently feel. I think I may have to email it to you as a follow up to my phone call the other day. eta: i did. i hope it's ok. Last edited by Anonymous43207; Apr 21, 2019 at 10:41 PM..

Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,734 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Apr 22, 2019 at 06:37 AM #9 Dear R, Sooooooo thank you for responding to yesterdays email within 50 mins after I sent it. I'm feeling relatively okay. See you on thursday. __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,734 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Apr 26, 2019 at 10:42 PM #11 I don't care if it's 3 months away, I woke up angry at you and dreaming of pharmacology. Why do you even need another holiday you just came back? __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."

CartDown Member Member Since Apr 2019 Location: United States Posts: 70 5 53 hugs given	Apr 29, 2019 at 07:18 AM #13 I love you so much it hurts. Sometimes I wish you were able to love me, too.

LabRat27 Poohbah Member Since Mar 2018 Location: CA Posts: 1,009 6 2,354 hugs given	May 24, 2019 at 08:20 PM #17 Of course the one time that you're behind me would be the time I ****ed up my shifting... I thought "yikes, i hope no one heard that," then looked in my mirror and saw you. Can I get a do over? I swear I normally seem much cooler.

Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Cafe Nervosa. Posts: 9,734 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	May 29, 2019 at 09:21 PM #20 I haven't been home since Christmas, but i'm actually having fun. Maybe it's cause i'm only here for three days but It's nice to just spend time with my kid sisters and Belle . __________________ "Love, like life, flows Through the heart. Feel the thrill of the flow And say nothing."