My new T makes me doubt and blame myself for our bad therapeutic relationship

For you, I hope you are one day able to say what's true for you to this T or some other T or anybody else in your life. To me that's what empowerment really means, saying what you think about the kleenex box or the lack of greeting etc. Trying to communicate by not using the kleenex or how you leave the room or venting to other people will not change your relationships with other people. You cannot, in fact, change other people, and if you want to have healthier relationships with people, it's you who have to change.

You know, I did not see anything like this written in this thread. No posts about how the therapist knows what's best for OP. No posts about how the OP should go back if she is convinced that she shouldn't. Quite the contrary - I saw that most comments were really empowering, explaining that expecting the T do behave in a certain way is a way to shift locus of control from internal and external and there's no need to do that.

Although OP's choices are limited, she still has all her power to decide whether this therapeutic relationship could hold something useful for her or if they don't believe it could be useful for them, they can simply stop seeing this T.

To me it is very interesting that you always see things in one particular light, regardless of what was really said.

I don’t see it the client’s role to “train” a therapist or any other provider in social pleasantries or how to do her job. I can’t see how instructing any of my doctors like that would be well-received, particularly early in a relationship. It seems like writing the therapist’s dialogue for her.

I can see how an analytically-trained therapist’s manner could be abrupt, particularly if a client wasn’t forewarned how they relate.

I don't know to whom this post was written in response to, but I totally agree with you in this respect.

I just did a quick scan of the thread and counted at least 10 posts where the main message was therapist knows best, including 2 or 3 from you. It's not always stated explicitly.

Therapist knows best is the main thrust of this thread, and of therapy in general.

It is by definition a disempowering concept.

I don't think doubt is necessarily a bad thing - and that includes self doubt. To me, seeking certainty is certainly normal, but it can also be very restrictive. That is not to say that doubt is always a positive force, but it can be.

So you are determined to believe that your interpretation is correct, even if people say that it was not correct? No room for reality checking? This way everything that is not exactly in line with your thoughts can be interpreted as gaslighting, isn't it?

If one consults a professional for assistance, why would one consult someone with less knowledge than one's self? Please everyone throw your money at me - i know nothing! You can then feel empowered, i guess!

People have an investment, consciously or not, especially when they have an axe to grind and a soapbox to stand on, in seeing whatever they want to see. Confirmation bias - Wikipedia

I wish it were possible to have a discussion where it didn't evolve into personal attacks. Margaret Thatcher pointed out the following:

I always cheer up immensely if an attack is particularly wounding because I think, well, if they attack one personally, it means they have not a single political argument left. Margaret Thatcher

OP is complaining that the therapist refuses to engage in normal social protocol.

About this you said: "this is therapy, which is not a normal social situation and thus there's no need to engage in common courtesy".

This suggests the therapist's refusal to engage in these conventions is rooted in some superior knowledge of what is appropriate or necessary, and trumps OP's perceptions or needs.

Also, you have directly contradicted OP by declaring that common courtesies are not necessary, suggesting that you believe you know better.

Can’t we all just agree that there is no ‘normal’ in therapy, and nobody has any definitive clue what will work for anybody else?

All we have are our OWN experiences to share. I don’t see how anyone can speak from a place higher than that...

The nastiest comment in this thread, in my opinion, is the one where you told OP her thinking is distorted and her attitude and perspective are the problem.

I go out of my way to avoid personal bickering, but in this case i took the bait from another poster, which I regret.

eta: I tend to give clients benefit of the doubt over therapists. Therapists are professional manipulators. Some people give therapists benefit of the doubt and consider clients to be unreliable witnesses to their own experience and think nothing of openly contradicting what the client says or feels. This is considered normal and a-ok.

Starting with your own posts.

So, I haven't actually said these things, right? What if I told you that I have never even meant these things and the point of my posts was something else?

These interpretations stem from your head and for some reason you are attributing them to me. If I tell you that your interpretation is incorrect then rather than correcting your understanding you are accusing me of gaslighting.

But this is your thinking and not mine. To me, the things I wrote do not suggest anything what you think. Rather, I suggested something completely different that you failed to see.

The argument with you is totally pointless because you are insisting that you know better what I thought and suggested and that's obviously totally absurd.

This thread is being closed for administrative review.