Couch 197: The Minuscule Couch

I don't know if one of the guys from the possible new company is going to be here tomorrow or not. He said he was. The other guy from the other company said he wasn't. It's very confusing. Tomorrow might be a busy day, three people are out on vacation (3 out of 20). So it's not like last Friday when we had 2.5 hours to sit down with them and answer a bunch of questions. On the other hand tomorrow I get OT! And it's Friday, so woo hoo for that! HUGS Kit

Cool, I'll have to look there.

Thanks, lemon... I think you hit the nail on the head right where my struggle lies: I know his therapist needs this information to help my ex, but I am working on disentangling myself and not taking responsibility for him and I cannot dive into the past right now. You're absolutely right, my actual real right-now duty and responsibility is to myself. Thanks for saying that, it really helps.

I'm pretty anxious about the whole thing still.

On the bright side, yesterday I was pretty wound up and needed to be outside, so I weeded all of the grass out of my front flowerbed, and am getting ready to do the same in the back. Go, nervous energy, go!

I am supposed to ring the practise of my potential new T but I keep putting off because it feels like I just giving up on my exT, or something like it makes everything final. I don't know if I could ring and not cry

Our new place has a pool and my mom's place has a pool. I'll have to get a new bathing suit as well. I prefer bathing shorts and top rather than a one piece. Mostly to cover up my thighs and easier to go to the restroom if needed.

I like board shorts for the bottom part.

I rang the practice I can't get in til August but I don't care I am on his wait list, there are receptionists my T didn't have a receptionist that I interacted with just a lady who sat at the desk outside his door. I paid my exT directly it is going to feel strange giving money to the receptionist.

I can't swim I would love to be able to swim but I can't coordinate my arms and legs.

I honestly preferred dealing with a receptionist for the financial part--had that with ex-MC and ex-T (and current p-doc). Current T handles the financial part himself, so I hand him my credit card at the end of session, which seems to emphasize the financial/business part of the relationship. And tomorrow I have to tell him how he overcharged me last week, which would be so much easier to discuss with a receptionist, as it feels much more emotionally charged with a T.

I have spent far too much of today tangling with how to calculate GDP, real GDP, nominal GDP, GDP deflators...economics is interesting to learn but it takes up way too much time.

That's OK, because leisure is not counted in GDP. Or in studying it, apparently.

I hated at first discussing financial things with my exT like I couldn't afford full fees and sometimes I would not be able to pay but even though it brought up feelings of inadequacy and such I also learned that most things are negotiable. The problem with me is talking to a woman about these things and not knowing what the clinic rules are. My exT would let me get behind sometimes.

I saw this on Facebook so set it up this a.m. in our bathroom to greet h he thought it was great haha

Earlier this week I emailed the awful art class teacher to say I would not be attending the last 2 classes and she hasn't responded. I didn't like the way she gossiped about people in the other classes. I wonder what she said about me?

I am having a piece of Madeira cake and suddenly I want orange and poppyseed cake.

See Artie Google Madeira cake....

Oh! Yum.

Our Madeira cakes are generally orange in flavour

I got the duty line from the disney movie Mulan 2. Even though i complain a lot about R, the biggest thing he taught me was that it was okay to put myself first and that I didn't have to be nice. I would say yes to things I didn't even want to do, and trying to be the best version of me took so much out of me.

It's okay to have boundaries, and to say no. There's a video on youtube with Jada Smith where she's talking to her daughter Willow and she says she can't help anyone unless she makes sure that she's doing okay first.



Maybe a short hike would help?

Ooooo I like that!

I went to my session with T this morning on only 2-3 hours of sleep. I fell asleep on the couch with my 2 youngest sometime after 10pm and woke up in a panic at 1:30 am. I ended up doing laundry, cleaning and journaling among other bad things. Around 4 I figured I'd have to wake up in a few hours anyway because we moved my session 2 hours earlier than normal, so might as well stay up. At least I warned him I was going off of almost no sleep. I feel like I rambled on about nothing the whole time and felt so tired. I don't even remember half my drive to his office which isn't safe. And I don't see him tomorrow like usual. He's going out of town and I thought he'd be back in time for our Tuesday evening session but turns out he'll be gone until Wednesday night. So I have a whole week without him and only 2 sessions next week

You guys need to get some Lemon cake.

The place where I live during term time has honey cake which I always bring back some for R. But I changed it up and brought back carrot cake for him instead = it's so good.

are you allowed email contact when he's away? Does your T work on an office? Can you ask him for contact details for another T just incase?

Do you have any other support system? Is the nurse still coming to check your healing?

Spoke to the son of the woman who died whose dog I have been sitting for a few months, and feel guiltier than ever. The first thing he asked me is if I knew what happened to his mom. I didn't know how to respond. I told him how she had called in apparent distress and I had alerted the staff to check on her. He kept saying he didn't know we were so close. The thing is, we weren't, really. I mean, I had only just met her in person that week. But I understand why he would think we must be really close since I was the one she called. He said he had tried calling that day but couldn't get through. I feel awful. We're going to meet up next week to talk more. I'm not sure what to tell him or how to answer any questions he has. I don't want to cause him any more pain than he is already in. But I don't want to outright lie, either. I hope he doesn't hold me responsible in some way. I didn't think it was my place to pressure his mom to do anything. And knowing her for such a short time, I didn't know whether she had declined or not.

I just don't know what things I should tell him and what things I should hold back. I'm no good at this sort of thing. And I have no idea how to bring up the issue about the money I am owed...

It says more about her than you.

S you did the best you could, and more than most people would have. You altered the staff. There's only so much you can do. Maybe I sound cold but I wouldn't go if it would be a trigger for me.

Can you email him the money issue.