Does your T check in on you?

The one thing my T has NEVER done is just check in on my between sessions. He answers my emails if I email him and will get back to me if I call him which I never have called him. I do, I do wish he would check in especially if he knows from session that I am having a rough time.

This attachment stuff is real rough. All week I have been trying to pretend he does not exist and I only have myself to rely on again. It has been very sad. I have felt so much grief.

Uggh...

No they did not. I would not have welcomed such an intrusion.

No, even my wonderful, marvelous, awesome former T didn't do this. She would call me back if I called her or she would email or text me if I contacted her that way, but it was always me first. Never her just checking up on me. Part of me wishes she had though.

No, though I always found a lack of checking to be incredibly painful especially when I’ve walked out crying.

I understand why most don’t. I think if she had ‘selectively’ checked on me it would have driven subconscious behaviors - for example recklessly diving in too deep knowing she’d call, text or email. I could also foresee problems if she forgot to check, and all the associated ‘uncaring’ feelings.

I think the safe, consistent response is not to check and wait for a client to reach out. As painful and hard as that may be.

No. I step out of her office and off her radar. And she doesn't welcome outside contact initiated by me.

Yes, on very rare occasions, but usually they had indicated they would probably do so, so it wasn't that much of a surprise.

She’s never checked in, but if I cancelled all future sessions (I’m booked months in advance), she will email to try and see what’s up. Which I appreciate.

Mine doesn’t email, but he said if I ever no-show he would send an email.

Yes this is very true. I understand why.

No, my T does not initiate out-of-session contact except if there's a scheduling issue.

That said, when I'm having a hard time she will often suggest we schedule a time for me to call her to check in mid-week. She's currently on vacation for 3 weeks, but she offered that we could keep in touch over WhatsApp while she's gone. It's still on me to make first contact, but she was the one to invite it.

Yes, especially if she knows there is something hard for me going on.
However, we text each other any way for instance just to say good morning or good night or when either of us is doing something unusual.

No and God help him if he ever decides to do so. Poor guy would never be able to get rid of me.

I see you are on the Attachment Train full speed with many of us.

Only once very early on when she cancelled on me due to illness and I choose not to call the clinic back to schedule a new appointment. She will call me if I ask her to call me. She's also called in response to an email. Yes there are times I wish she'd call me. Most the time it's good/ok that she doesn't. Every now and then though I do wish she'd initiate contact (again). She used to put a note to me in an after visit summary when she was at the clinic. In a way, that felt like she was initiating contact. I believe it helped considerably at that time - it made me feel like I wasn't the only one trying to build the attachment bridge. It's harder for me without those messages.

No, though she Is responsive to me if I'm having a bad time and reach out.

No, but he's said (in response to my asking) if I no-showed a session, he would reach out to me to see if I was OK and what's going on, particularly because I've been very reliable. He's very consistent in replying to my emails, but I doubt, aside from the no-show scenario, that he'd ever contact me without my contacting him first, just based on his boundaries.

Yes, just a couple of times and only when I have been in a really bad place with my SI.

Once, after a particularly tough session. But that was definitely the exception. Do I wish she would check in? Definitely, but I also know it's contingent on me to let her know if I'm struggling. Her consistent responsiveness to my reaching out has been really important.

No. I have had my moments of protest with this, but still no. She does welcome and answers all contact initiated by me.

No, she has never checked in with me like that. She only calls back when I call the clinic asking to speak to her. There's also limits on how often I can call between sessions.

I know she has initiated a phone call with another client, because that person told me (unsolicited) about it.

Only if she has been away for a long period of time.

Yes. Early in our relationship. I was in a period of rapid cycling mania with psychosis (an episode every 6-8 weeks) and I had had long, frequent, difficult, admissions. The plan was to try and catch a manic episode much earlier in development, before it became a crisis and I needed an admission. She was working in coordination with my psychiatrist. It was an intense situation where I had no insight about my mania and psychosis. I was incapable of asking for help. They felt it clinically necessary to step in.

I'm happy to report, the rapid cycling phase resolved and life went back to no check-ins between appointments. I felt like I had graduated from critical care. It was a great milestone in my treatment.

No, never. I can't imagine she would ever. She has very strong boundaries.

yes, ex-T did many times. looking back, i'm not sure if this was a good thing or not. it felt good in the moment to know he was thinking about me and was concerned, but him checking in like this was inconsistent and the inconsistency lead to expectations and confusion and hurt feelings when he didn't check in after a difficult session. honestly, i suspect he was doing it more for his own reasurance due to a lack of confidence than being overly concerned about me and my well being. he sometimes admitted to feeling like he was 'walking on eggshells' when it came to our relationship and he didn't like knowing i was hurt or upset due to something he inadvertently did or didn't do in our sessions. this clearly was about him and his s*#t that he needed to sort.

My ex-T would always check in on me by Skype or text me. Like 5 times a week he would check in on me. You are right that I would feel abandoned and not wanted anymore if he was inconstant and my sick mind thought he found a new patient to care for more. Which was not true.

5 years later and few states away he still will randomly check in on me.