[MoxieDoxie]

I really need to self soothe and I was always proud of never becoming an alcoholic, drug addict or using elicit drugs. Well therapy sessions have been making me need to shut down and not think and so I went home today and drank two drinks. It felt great but I really wanted permission from him so I did not have to feel ashamed or hide it. I sent him a message asking him how much can I drink and that I need his permission.

He is fine with it as long as I am not driving. People have been using alcohol for its effects for thousands of years. He said we can have a discussions on how much is to much.

[Elio]

I went through a stage where I drank very heavy for me and was somewhat similar in confessing to my T. I didn't need permission, though I did think I might have been looking for criticism, not sure there. My T was similar to yours in terms of it a perfectly valid way to deal with things as long as I was being safe with it and we could talk concerns at anytime.

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by Elio

I didn't need permission, though I did think I might have been looking for criticism, not sure there.

Interesting. Now it is the morning after and I think I did want him to lecture me about using alcohol to cope. I wanted to be told not to do it.

[nottrustin]

With T I went through a spell were alcohol was an issue we raked about it a lot and tried to find a way to keep my drinking in check, not drinking to access every day, not drinking on therapy days,etc.

I mentioned it to Emdr T and she knew we were dealing with it. EMDR T said that as unless it becomes a problem, she sees a small amount of alcohol an okay coping skill. At the end of one particularly intense session, she recommended a glass of wine when I got home. There are days when I really struggle so I drink to much. I think about the discussions with both Ts. I don't beat myself up anymore for it but know I can't do it every day. I then can go a few days without a drink or just one.

[MoxieDoxie]

Oh man this did not workout. The alcohol wore off as I drank to early in the afternoon and just could not keep drinking, the binge purge cycle came back, I could not sleep, I feel like crap today. I need something else.

[Xynesthesia2]

It is very good to see that people are aware using alcohol is not a great way to self-soothe. It does not sound like my story is relevant to any of you because I had a pretty severe problem with alcohol for many years and really struggled to stay sober in the beginning (for me, there is no such thing as moderating alcohol anymore, only abstinence works). The one thing I want to point out: it is very easy to slowly slide into a habit from occasional drinking when one starts to use it to self-medicate stress or even to increase pleasure. I was in gross denial for a good while, until it became a serious problem. Of course not everyone will develop this issue, some people are predisposed to it biologically, have general issues setting limits etc, others can use it mindfully and responsibly and will never have a problem or can catch it early on (like the posters in this thread). I am only posting this because alcohol use was by far the most difficult thing I had to deal with in my life and it had made everything in my mental health much worse. I actually don't have significant mental health issues sober at all, some anxiety but it is easy to manage. But that anxiety also became the worst nightmare when I was drinking heavily and freshly sober, for a good while. I also hid relapses from my therapists - of course, I did not want to stop. But what good is therapy for then?

The thing to watch out for is when substance use gets such that the person struggles to say no to it and consciously inhibit/limit it. Also when someone starts to have strong urges to drink in response to a stressful event. So much easier to resolve when these things are caught early. For me, it has taken some herculean efforts and some irreversible losses - if I could go back and change one thing in my life, it would be never developing that habit in the first place. I know this sounds dramatic but it can easily became that way if one is prone to it, and most people don't even know that they have a predisposition before it is already a problem. It is much much easier to tolerate and manage stress and everything for me than leading an alcoholic life in secret.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Oh man this did not workout. The alcohol wore off as I drank to early in the afternoon and just could not keep drinking, the binge purge cycle came back, I could not sleep, I feel like crap today. I need something else.

I think what you're going through right now is really difficult. It's an opportunity to develop your coping skills and I think it sounds like alcohol is not really coping, it's more like managing overwhelming feelings and probably especially fear. Alcohol dulls the outer cortex of the brain, reducing problem solving abilities, so the numbness that may be a part of that can feel a lot better than the emotions. As a massage therapist, I think you probably have a good self awareness of your body as well as a desire to keep it in good shape. Perhaps you can find other coping responses that help your body and make it feel good, which would be useful for you. I think just having this awareness that drinking isn't working for you is a great thing.

[sarahsweets]

This was such a good post, thank you for sharing it. It resonates with me a lot because I too am an alcoholic and it took so much for me to stop using it as a coping tool even when I saw my life going down the toilet. I am also predisposed to addiction and it all seemed to start innocently enough. But I can never do anything halfway especially if its a bad choice. I full on commit to the destruction. I firmly believe that I should have had a medical detox and that the only reason I did not die or have a seizure was because I was on lamictal for bipolar. I always try and recommend a medical detox to anyone that drinks as heavily as I did. Detoxing at home and going to 12 step meetings is what did it for me but they are not for everyone. Thank you so much for this thoughtful post. It was a gentle but important reminder.

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia2

It is very good to see that people are aware using alcohol is not a great way to self-soothe. It does not sound like my story is relevant to any of you because I had a pretty severe problem with alcohol for many years and really struggled to stay sober in the beginning (for me, there is no such thing as moderating alcohol anymore, only abstinence works). The one thing I want to point out: it is very easy to slowly slide into a habit from occasional drinking when one starts to use it to self-medicate stress or even to increase pleasure. I was in gross denial for a good while, until it became a serious problem. Of course not everyone will develop this issue, some people are predisposed to it biologically, have general issues setting limits etc, others can use it mindfully and responsibly and will never have a problem or can catch it early on (like the posters in this thread). I am only posting this because alcohol use was by far the most difficult thing I had to deal with in my life and it had made everything in my mental health much worse. I actually don't have significant mental health issues sober at all, some anxiety but it is easy to manage. But that anxiety also became the worst nightmare when I was drinking heavily and freshly sober, for a good while. I also hid relapses from my therapists - of course, I did not want to stop. But what good is therapy for then?

The thing to watch out for is when substance use gets such that the person struggles to say no to it and consciously inhibit/limit it. Also when someone starts to have strong urges to drink in response to a stressful event. So much easier to resolve when these things are caught early. For me, it has taken some herculean efforts and some irreversible losses - if I could go back and change one thing in my life, it would be never developing that habit in the first place. I know this sounds dramatic but it can easily became that way if one is prone to it, and most people don't even know that they have a predisposition before it is already a problem. It is much much easier to tolerate and manage stress and everything for me than leading an alcoholic life in secret.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Interesting. Now it is the morning after and I think I did want him to lecture me about using alcohol to cope. I wanted to be told not to do it.

Since Ts passing I have come to realize, I think, that for me it was about T showing care for me. She knew my struggles and empathized and understood why I drank. I knew there would be regular checkpoints (not ever session). Sometimes, I would have had only minimal drinking to report which felt good and we discussed it Other times when I was struggling I felt shame but also such compassion from her.

Since EMDR is very relaxed and rarely brings it up

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I think, that For me it was about T showing care for me. She knew my struggles and empathized and understood

Yeah....this. I did not get any of this as a child.