[zoiecat]

Do to recent discussions on other threads about therapy helping BPD I thought I would share this article.

Please note I am not taking any sides. I just thought I would share.

How to Think About Borderline Personality | Psychology Today

[ArtleyWilkins]

Interesting article. It reminded me of my relationship with my husband. I didn't know the history behind the name; interesting that if had to do with "losing track of reality in therapy". In my husband's case, I was the focus of his behaviors and emotions, not a therapist. It was difficult and I considered walking away; it was just so much. He was genuinely detached from reality concerning me and our relationship at times, almost delusional. But things have much, much improved in the last few years, much in part to me finally figuring out how to maintain my own boundaries while navigating the constant push and pull. It's not easy to be on the receiving end of this. Fortunately, our therapist worked with me on my own boundaries as well as working with my husband on his own boundaries, and between the two of us, we found some balance and cohesiveness in our relationship. Thanks for the article.

The last part really hit home for me, just substitute me for the therapist. It really became about us both having healthy boundaries and communicating clearly and without judgment when those boundaries were being pushed. Over time, we found that balanced place for both of us, and honestly, it is almost never an issue anymore. Our therapist most definitely gave us the tools that saved our marriage and helped my husband find some inner peace:

"Therapists can help with this pattern only by establishing an ongoing conversation about the pressure to prove they care; if therapists indulge this pressure, real therapy aimed at personality change will thereafter seem like a withholding, an abandonment; if therapists resist the pressure to prove they care, the therapy will come to feel like a rejection. Therapists must neither feed nor starve the abandonment fears; they must engage the patient in walking a different path."

[healed84]

I think there is good insight in there.. I do however, think the author is describing people with bpd in stereotypical ways. The truth is bpd is much like many other “disorders” is a spectrum. I meet enough criteria to by dx with bpd, but I don’t always act the same way that “other” bpd patients do (according to this article).

For instance he talks about many patients pushing their t for more self-disclosure, in hounding them for hugs, or to break the rules just for them. I am generally the opposite, I tell t I need stricter boundaries, I get uncomfortable when t tells details of his life. And no way in hell do I want a hug from him.

BUT- I do for sure fear he will abandon me even after multiple reassurances that he is not going anywhere which is a very “typical” bpd trait.

I guess my point is- providers have a fear of treating all with bpd, because there may be some extreme cases out there. But I believe many other people with the dx is much like me me, more on the moderate side of the disorder.