[Lrad123]

Has anyone ever just sat in silence with your therapist for an extended period of time? I don’t even mean because of anger or frustration, but just because you want to. I haven’t, but often find myself wondering about that. I imagine it might feel comforting but I’m not sure. I suppose you might say it’s a waste of time since your’re paying for the time. Just wondering what people’s experiences are with this.

[JaneTennison1]

You are paying for the time so whatever feels useful, do it. I have just sat with T before but she seems to attribute more to it than I do. I don't find it useful.

Yes.
My T related a story of a man who had sought therapy in France, I think.
Every session for a year he arrived, sat in complete silence and at the end of his 50minutes he left.
At the end of that year he arrived for his last session. Sat in his usual silence and at the end of his final session he thanked his T and left.

Imagine trying to sit in comtemplative silence with a friend or partner. They'd be asking if everything was OK? Had they done anything wrong? I there anything they can do.

They, they they.

[TrailRunner14]

That sounds very uncomfortable to me.

I have been in thought around other people and they have asked me if I was ok, what’s wrong and felt they had done something wrong. I’ve never thought about they, they, they before, but it rings true to me.

I also have to wonder about their discomfort. It brings compassion for them looking at it that way.

[LonesomeTonight]

Not sure if this counts, but my T wanted me to try a meditation exercise, where I just sat quietly with my eyes closed for...3 minutes? 5 minutes? He said he'd do the exercise along with me (so I wouldn't have to worry about him watching me). It felt kind of nice, actually (and I peeked once or twice to make sure his eyes were in fact closed). I'm not sure I'd want to sit in silence for much longer than that in a paid session though.

[Rive.]

That does not help me. Waste of time and money. I might as well be alone than be with someone (and not just anyone) and feel so utterly alone.

[stopdog]

I don't see anything wrong with it and I wouldn't consider it a waste of money if you found it beneficial in any way. My friends and I do sit in silence with each other at times. I have also done it with my father. It can be peaceful in my experience. I did it some with the therapist I hired but she could get restless.

Originally Posted by Rive.

That does not help me. Waste of time and money. I might as well be alone than be with someone (and not just anyone) and feel so utterly alone.

Why is it a waste of time and money.

Communication doesn't have to just be verbal.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

I have really wanted to but not been able to do this yet. It would be too powerful for me at the moment but I really want to do it.

Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart

I have really wanted to but not been able to do this yet. It would be too powerful for me at the moment but I really want to do it.

I find it powerful too!

[skeksi]

My T and I regularly sit in silence. When I first started with him, speaking and delving into things was terrifying. I often didn’t speak until the last 15 minutes. It also drove me insane that he wouldn’t “save me” and step in and start the conversation.

Gradually, I learned that I was 8n charge of my own therapy and I decided when and what we talk about. Now, during a session we might sit in comfortable silences of 5 minutes or so while I process things and decide what I want to share next. And I love that he doesn’t jump in and push me to talk—I see how powerful it is that I am in charge.

[Rive.]

Originally Posted by The mouse

Why is it a waste of time and money.

Communication doesn't have to just be verbal.

Because it does not help me.

After all, the question was asking about people's personal experience with silence.

I am aware communication is not solely verbal and others might react differently, as they are well-entitled to.


PS: Thank you, SalingerEsme..

[Xynesthesia2]

I always find it very interesting how people like silence in therapy and/or find it beneficial. That is one thing I cannot really wrap my mind around personally, and I have no issues being with other people in silence, actually prefer if there are breaks of interaction and I can just turn inward and take my time to think over someone who is constantly talking. It's just hard for me to get why and how that can be good in a talk therapy session that I pay for (I can sit in silence with many people for free), but it seems like I am in the minority with it.

[starfishing]

I think my record for actual silence is 10 minutes or so. Maybe 15, but probably not longer than that. But I have talked with my therapist about a fantasy I had at one point about just sitting in comfortable silence the whole session.

[JaneTennison1]

T told me she had a client once who mostly wouldn't say anything and it was a real battle with her own anxoety. She worried she wasn't helping the client or doing enough. As the client returned week after week she figured it must be helping and I guess eventually they spoke, it just took a while. I don't see any harm in it even though personally I don't get much from it.

[divine1966]

Some people take time to warm up or want to sit in silence. It’s ok. I personally can not relate but that’s ok if others benefit from it. I do like to sit in silence and think about something but in my own home, I’d not drive to a clinic for it. On the other hand if I had whole ton of people at home and it would be loud and impossible to concentrate I’d go to a t office for quiet time.

My t and I have sat in silence, eyes closed sometimes. i like it, it feels peaceful to me, both of us just be-ing.

Originally Posted by Rive.

Because it does not help me.

After all, the question was asking about people's personal experience with silence.

I am aware communication is not solely verbal and others might react differently, as they are well-entitled to.


PS: Thank you, SalingerEsme..

You sound like an angry Elf. I take your point.

But never say never.

[kaleidoscopeheart]

I sit in silence with T often. Sometimes it is beneficial and helps me process what I am thinking or feeling, other times it is because I disconnect and zone out during the conversation. T is ok with the first and has to work to pull me back on the second. I am grateful that he has learned to tell which is which.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Originally Posted by starfishing

I think my record for actual silence is 10 minutes or so. Maybe 15, but probably not longer than that. But I have talked with my therapist about a fantasy I had at one point about just sitting in comfortable silence the whole session.

I have the exact same fantasy about sitting in the silence for the whole session! I wonder what it means? I'm not really sure why I want it, although I do tend to cover up with a lot of talking so maybe it's something about being real and letting myself just be.

[Lemoncake]

Slightly different but I've done it twice where I spent 30-40 min of a 50 min session just crying.

It's your time and you can do whatever you want.

[MoxieDoxie]

There have been many days where I just want to go lay down on T's couch while he does his paper work. In silence.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Slightly different but I've done it twice where I spent 30-40 min of a 50 min session just crying.

Maybe this is what I want but just can't do it.

[SlumberKitty]

I have a lot with former T. I was just too overwhelmed to talk. With current T maybe the longest was 10 minutes. I don’t know if it’s actually helpful but I don’t think I can rush the process so if I need silence then that’s what I need.

[Lrad123]

Today we sat in silence for what must have been a few minutes. I’m not sure of the exact time, but definitely longer than one would typically do with a friend or acquaintance. I eventually said I didn’t want to bore him and he said it’s ok to have the space to go into my own mind, but that he doesn’t want me to go to a negative place or feel uncomfortable with the silence. I asked if it would be ok to go the whole session without talking and he said definitely yes, but he doesn’t think it would end up going that way. I don’t know that I’d really want to do that, but it’s nice that he was open to it.