Couch 202: The Grande Unicorn Frappuccino couch.

Maybe it is also a good lesson in changing assumptions: assume other people have good reasons for doing or not doing something instead of assuming it has to do with you. Totally different reactions, one much better than the other for you.

Orientation stuff this week. I really need to put my syllabus together.

Yes, that's a good point. I also said to him today that I felt (from some of the conversation Wed.) that maybe he was trying to help me accept caring that's not in the exact form I'd want it to be. Which could help me in outside life, too. Like I'm realizing more stuff that H does that's caring/loving. Even if it doesn't fit my typical definition of it. Or things that friends do.

Got the call back and for now I'm approved for the IOP, which is what I wanted to begin with. It's 4 days a week 3 hours a day. The lady said that insurance will be watching my progress closely, and they'll see once I get in there and do a few days if I need more or something along those lines. I agreed to start tomorrow.

Sorry, Info fans, no fashion report this week. I just canceled on her, telling her I would not get anything from tomorrow’s session since I currently feel more than usual that all therapy is bull, including hers.

(I do feel that way, but overall I’m in a bad mood anyway these days and she would not help.)

Hmm I'm thinking if I ever tried that with L she would probably say well, do you want to come anyway and talk about that? And i would probably say ok ok ok and go.

Anyway I'm sorry you're feeling that way on top of being in a bad mood. Not fun.

Info sent a nice response. For all her faults, at least she does treat me like an adult and when I say "Therapy would not be a good idea for me this week," respects that because she knows I never actually want to be there but come anyway, and that (according to her) I don't run away from things. (Probably helps I've only done this once before.)

The time I canceled with T, he was like, "It would probably be better to come talk about it, but I respect your decision to cancel." I ended up seeing him a day after our scheduled (and canceled) session.

I completely understand that, especially in light of her forgetting all the stuff about your story. Sorry you're in a bad mood. (if wanted).

Oh crap. I feel depressed again. Not suicidal. But just I don't want to be awake and dealing with anything. One of my coworkers was like, you look tired. I was like, "yep. Plus I have a bit of a headache" (I got my new glasses and my eyes are not used to the prescription). But what I really wanted to say was, "I'm freaking depressed. Leave me alone!" But I didn't.

I do admire people who are strong enough/stubborn enough not to run away from things, therapy in particular. Not that I run away from everything, I mean hell I've stayed married for 22 years and I tend to stay with jobs for a long time too. But myself - I am always trying to run away from myself (therapy, CODA, even my drumming group to some extent). I guess that's just where I'm at right now.

I really would like to change that about me though.

The woman had a memory like a sieve. Sometimes she responded to when I took a break and sometimes she didn't. Her response when she did was always something like it might be better to talk about it - but I never found paying her to tell her how she ****ed up was all that useful to me. I also didn't consider taking breaks to be running away. It was usually to regroup over her general uselessness

My work day went by really fast today holy cow. I've already been off for just about 45 minutes. Gonna go get started on the 2nd boot...er... crug? now.

I'm in agony. Just had to spend 15 minutes in making small talk with the GM/CEO. He's a nice enough chap, just I am not up to talking right now. I want to be in bed, under my weighted blankets with the lights out, dissociating so that way I don't have to feel this depression.

Some of the most difficult therapy happens when an intelligent and analytic patient is put up against a therapist who is not as smart.

Certainly not!

A T might say, we're here to explore your heartaches and if I eliminated them we'd have nothing to talk about.

P.S.
This is where you learn the skills to cope with the inevitable misunderstandings that come from having to deal with humans.

Lesson one, exercise one, to be attempted by all students.
Write a syllabus for this course. The best syllabus submitted will be the one we use.

Lesson one, exercise two, to be attempted by all students.
Write lecture notes for lesson two.

Up until we sold Uggs to the Americans they were made mainly in my hometown.

but on the other hand of this not about him standing at all (as LT has said) what difference does it make? Has the root of the pain been dealt with or just patched up for later with this explanation?

Though I do think a skilled T could have redirected it better.

This is a really good question whether the root of the pain has been dealt with vs. patched up. My reaction a few hours after session today, with some feelings of despair--it suggests that it hasn't really been dealt with. I don't think this is all about my T, I think it's triggering other stuff from my past. Like his saying (in regard to my wanting to learn more about him) that my mind is like a steel trap, which is something my mom has said before too. Like there's something wrong with me because I have a good memory.

Isn’t the risk the smart client will just lose all patience and fire the moron therapist?

Not that I’ve done that. No sirree. Not me. I would never.

It is odd what people consider running away or not. I stayed in a bad marriage with 2ex too long because I didn't want to run away and in retrospect that turned out to be running away from making the decision to change.

My T said fairly early on that he worried I was smarter than he is. He's also seemed threatened by my knowledge about therapy. So, I can definitely see that.

I agree that it is odd.
And that staying the course in the face that things are not going well is not always (or in my opinion even usually) the right thing to do. Remaining unhappy can be more fear of change than running away because something is hard - in my opinion.

You haven't worked with students much have you?
They don't have a clue what my courses are about, not to mention I wouldn't want to read all that garbage. A nightmare to even think about.