supportive posts

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
I come from the school of though that erotic transference is an absolutely necessary part of therapy.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I've read many of your posts. This one interests me for some reason today. This post is probably not the place to discuss this but I would really like to hear your and others rationale defending or opposing this statement. Would you be willing to share your views on this in more detail. Maybe in a separate topic? Campy, can I assume you would weigh in on the con side of this debate :-)

I am about to post a new topic detailing my session from yesterday. You are welcomed to read that and ask for any elaboration that you may need.

As far as Campy, I am still very confused if the erotic transference itself is the con or if there is a just a fear of that type of attachment because of abandonment and the awful experience you had.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister said:
I hardly think that answering someone's questions is clobbering them with defenses.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Your reply came before mine chronologically, however, my reply was to campy's post, not yours. Sorry for any confusion about that.

gg

This is a topic near and dear to alot of us, and due to the emotions (and lots of other things) involved, it's one many of us can feel very passionately about. It shows in this thread.

If we feel highly emotional about a response, it's usually best to type our response then get up and walk around for 10 minutes or so and come back and read it.

In response to campy's OP, and as a co-admin...

Campy said;

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I hate the rules here about only being supportive. I see things posted here that make my heart twinge - but I can't say, "whoaaaaaa!!!!". I can't say anything helpful when I see things posted that sound dangerous.

Please....just think with the rational part of your brains once in a while????

Ugh. Campy

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Sure you can say, "Whoaaaa! My experience has me concerned about this issue"

Posting our concerns *is* supportive. Posting our concerns *is* helpful in intent. Being supportive does not necessarily mean being in *complete agreement*. It's all in how we say it. Then it's on the recipient to accept a varied response to a public post.

If we knew someone was involving themselves in dangerous behavior, are we going to post only agreement? Of course not. Being supportive doesn't not mean 100% agreement.

Care and support comes in many forms. We're more concerned with posting that's clearly unsupportive, or attacking. If one feels they can't respond to a post without attacking or being clearly unsupportive, then it's usually best to move to a post that we can positively contribute to.

When we post publicly, we're opening ourselves up to all types of response...those totally agreeing, those sharing their own similar experiences, those in total disagreement...all supportive if stated appropriately. We need to be able to accept all the various forms of support within the guidelines...even those in strong disagreement.

That gets into what is supportive...

I think it's all in how it's stated. If we firmly disagree with someone that we think are being foolish, for example, we don't want to say, "YOU FOOL!" That's unsupportive. However, to say, "I firmly disagree with you and am concerned about this behavior and this is why..." is clearly supportive in intent.

Again, supportive posts don't mean to say posts in agreement. Posting publicly, we're basically saying that we're accepting thoughts and care in all their forms (excepting that which is so critical it's attacking or is a pure attack).

I hope that helps.

For the most part, I think we're very gracious in our responses here for the most part, and I also think the posters are very gracious in accepting responses containing disagreement.

This is a *very* special forum and so many care. I appreciate you all so much. Posting almost always helps someone, somewhere, in some way...even if it's just that they don't feel alone in their experiences. That's a gift!

KD

Campanula, do you feel your concerns have been heard?

I'm ambivalent about therapy. Sometimes I think that the erotic transference is kind of necessary for a working through. Like the fact that I do have erotic feelings for a therapist kind of shows me that I have some issues that I need to work through. Having those feelings and talking to my therapist about them could help me work through them.

On the other hand I wouldn't have those feelings if I didn't go to therapy and / or if I picked different therapists (females, for example) or if I picked a therapist with a different theoretical orientation. I sometimes wonder whether having those feelings for a therapist is likely to harm or likely to help...

I think it depends considerably on the therapist. On whether they are able to work for the clients good in the face of erotic transference or whether they are unable to do that. I think there is a danger in erotic transference that the therapist will act inappropriately and / or become invested in keeping those feelings continuing on or something like that. I don't expect this is just about erotic feelings either, I expect that therapists can similarly respond helpfully or harmfully with little kid feelings too.

It IS a hard one.

I went through a phase where I had to stop reading the psychology board someplace because it was crammed up with people talking about erotic feelings that they had for their therapist. Erotic feelings and / or little kid needy and dependent feelings. I really couldn't face that for a while there.

I too worry about whether it is good for us to encourage those feelings. I worry about whether encouraging someone to accept the feelings might be encouraging someone to act them out might make it more likely that their therapist will take advantage of them and %#@&#! them up bad.

It IS a hard one. Especially for people who have been hurt / sexually abused before, yeah.

Hang in there everyone