[Hopefull]

My T made a relaxation tape with me. She talks about how I am a good person on the tape. When she said that in session, I started crying and got a intense desire to hug her. I couldn't even remember what she had said to make me cry. She referenced part of what she had said and it didn't even sound familiar to me. While walking home, I rewinded the tape to the area where I knew she had said it. I knew everything that she said before it and after it. As soon as I got into my apartment, I played that part two or three times. I have been listening to the tape periodically for about a month. I still want to hug T when I hear it. I laid in bed and listened to it this morning. I don't cry anymore when I hear it but I still want to hug T. I decided to be really weird and I wrote the word, "I am a good person." on all of my appoinment reminder cards. I have one in my work uniform, one where I brush my teeth and one by my bed/phone.
Do I sound like I am obsessed with my T? I told T about my collection of appoinment reminder cards but have not seen her since I wrote the words, "I am a good person." She calls it "praise for being" rather than "praise for doing." I love thinking those words everytime I see one of her appointment reminder cards. Its funny but my brain sometimes sounds like a trained dog working for a treat. See card. Think "I am a good person." I want to see myself as a good person and hope this silly idea might help me.
Does anyone out there do positive affirmations? If so what are yours and do you feel silly doing it? I used to have a "feel good tape" that I made with a collection of Bible verses, positive affirmations and other quotes but I feel funny about saying positive things to myself out loud. I don't know why. I have been known to insult myself to others and out loud to myself.
Sorry about the rambling.

[Perna]

I like to pair "affirmations" with actual things I have done so I have the "definition" of "good person" in a concrete way I can see? In what way are you a good person? Are you kind? Describe a situation in which you have been kind. Are you helpful? Describe a situation in which you helped another. What does it mean to you to be a "good" person. Figure that out and then go find examples where you have been that person. Just stating words without any "images" behind them isn't a whole lot of use? "I am a good person" is meaningless to me, you might as well be "nice". What does that mean? That you don't kill people? :-) That you smile a lot and speak softly? So what?

i have positive things T says, that i have asked him to say when i need them. We have kind of figured out what they need to be together. SImple direct and what i said were "idiotically obvious" things. ANd yeah, oh boy, i feel like an idiot, but they help so much.

i used to have a small little glass thingy, said "i am brave" inside. It gave me hope when i looked at it and i would tell myself i was brave. It helped but i wanted to have that reminder all the time... so i designed a tattoo that would remind me. No one else except T & me know what it means. So now i can look at the tattoo and remind myself to be brave. Maybe it's silly, but i am comforted by it.

i dunno, you dont sound obsessed with T to me... to me you sound like you are very drawn to the positive things she said to you and about you. You talk about your attachment to those words, which, to me, cry out that you have been craving some validation of self-worth. Wanting to feel like a good person is a perfectly normal and wonderful thing. Pursue it. Feeling very attached to someone who gives you unconditional acceptance and meets that need for validation is understandable.

either way, it's helping you... finding ways on your own to validate yourself is a HUGE step. Self care is a big deal. i think your T will be over the moon with happiness and support about this.