I have multiple traumas and I'm starting emdr with a therapist that is brand new at doing it. She is also new at seeing me. My impression of her is that she is intimidated by me and overwhelmed.

But....I developed this anxiety about bathing and it's a long story but that's what we're doing emdr on. I HAVE to get where I'm bathing again frequently. Right now I only do it when one of my friends is available to talk on the phone while I bath. I can't take showers because I have a bad back. I have a shower chair but getting up and down kills my back. So taking a bath is my only option.

I fear she's not qualified to help me. Recently we started going through a time line of my traumas and I'm highly triggered. She didn't give me anything to fall back on. We went from ages 4-10 and it's a lot. We start ages 10-20 tuesday. That's even more trauma.

I don't trust her yet. But I have to get bathing. Finding someone else won't work I'm on medicaid and I talked to her supervisor and it will be a long wait to get someone new. I'm stuck with her. She's freshly out of college and very young and I will be one of her first clients she will be doing emdr with.

I need to get bathing but I don't trust and I just don't find her qualified but I need to get bathing. What do I do?

[Out There]

Sorry you're feeling like this. I don't really know what to suggest , but I heard of a similar case of someone having issues like this and a T advised them to make something different about the experience , like relaxing music , or candles , essential oils. I would prefer to see a more experienced EMDR T as it can bring up some difficult things.

[Omers]

It doesn’t sound like she is qualified to work with you. I have had three T’s try EMDR with me. Current T did the EMDR training after I started working with him (we have only been working together since December). Even being new at it his training is FAR better than the EMDR training the other T’s had. He has been a T for a long time which helps... but not all EMDR trainings/certifications are the same.
I can say that what you are saying sounds like the first two T’s to try EMDR with me (both experienced T’s) and they had attended one or two day trainings,. Current T’s training was a very intensive week long training.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Since it would take too long to switch Ts, can you tell this one what you need? Maybe tell them you need to get to know them more before doing any more trauma work and offer some ideas on how that might look for you. And maybe tell them that you’re going way too fast and need to go at a slower pace after you get to know each other better. Since those things might take awhile, consider asking if they have any non-EMDR techniques to help you bathe in the meantime. It’d kinda be like outlining what you see as a realistic treatment plan.

Short term: Bathing.
Medium term: Getting acquainted.
Long term: EMDR trauma processing at an appropriate pace.

Originally Posted by HowDoYouFeelMeow?

Sorry to hear about your situation. Since it would take too long to switch Ts, can you tell this one what you need? Maybe tell them you need to get to know them more before doing any more trauma work and offer some ideas on how that might look for you. And maybe tell them that you’re going way too fast and need to go at a slower pace after you get to know each other better. Since those things might take awhile, consider asking if they have any non-EMDR techniques to help you bathe in the meantime. It’d kinda be like outlining what you see as a realistic treatment plan.

Short term: Bathing.
Medium term: Getting acquainted.
Long term: EMDR trauma processing at an appropriate pace.

She has no clue how to help with the bathing. Her answer is emdr. That's why we're doing it. To get to the bottom line of why I have so much anxiety about bathing.

I think I will just tell her I need to get to know her better before we proceed.

I really appreciate your response.

I'm struggling with understanding how getting in a bath is more comfortable than sitting on a, chair in a shower physically.

Originally Posted by The mouse

I'm struggling with understanding how getting in a bath is more comfortable than sitting on a, chair in a shower physically.

I explained that in my original post.

Originally Posted by rose1985

I explained that in my original post.

Yes I read that. Still doesnt help me understand. Getting in and out of a bath and having to lift a leg would be painful, wouldn't it?
1
I'm just going by my experience with chronic back pain.

[SalingerEsme]

Would it help to focus in the here & now on bathing and trauma, rather than do trauma history before establishing a sense of safety?

Getting up and down in a shower chair hurts my back tremendously. Getting in and out of the bath doesnt.

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

Would it help to focus in the here & now on bathing and trauma, rather than do trauma history before establishing a sense of safety?

I don't know if I completely understand what you're saying? All she says she can offer regarding the bathing is emdr. Part of emdr is doing a trauma timeline. It's just really triggered me. I need to get to know her better.

Originally Posted by rose1985

Getting up and down in a shower chair hurts my back tremendously. Getting in and out of the bath doesnt.

Can you not just stand in a shower?

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by rose1985

I don't know if I completely understand what you're saying? All she says she can offer regarding the bathing is emdr. Part of emdr is doing a trauma timeline. It's just really triggered me. I need to get to know her better.

I would tell her this, that you feel you need to get to know her better and gain trust before doing the EMDR. Is she trained in any other modality that you could work with in the meantime? I would think some sort of CBT (or possibly mindfulness) could help with the bathing in the shorter term, then you could build some trust up and then do the EMDR. I don't know much about EMDR, but with the trauma history, it seems like she's trying to do too much too quickly.

[Xynesthesia2]

I know you said it would not be an option to find another therapist but... have you considered other forms than psychotherapy? Someone like an occupational therapist, whose approach is focused on functionality rather than getting into your live's worth of traumas? Someone who could potentially help you learn new ways to overcome that fear in the everyday? It sounds like you used to be able to bathe and something has changed along the way, so how is processing your childhood traumas expected to help with this recent, ongoing issue? I guess an occupational therapist might even be cheaper than an experienced psychotherapist and perhaps a higher chance to cover considering it is, in a large part, and medical problem. Many of these professionals like to work in a holistic way, integrating physical and psychological factors for the sake of better functioning.

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I would tell her this, that you feel you need to get to know her better and gain trust before doing the EMDR. Is she trained in any other modality that you could work with in the meantime? I would think some sort of CBT (or possibly mindfulness) could help with the bathing in the shorter term, then you could build some trust up and then do the EMDR. I don't know much about EMDR, but with the trauma history, it seems like she's trying to do too much too quickly.

Yes she knows cbt. We could try that again. I just have tremendous anxiety about bathing. I had a panic attack in the bath tub and since then I have this extreme anxiety about bathing. She thinks it some kind of trauma. So that's why the emdr.

I just dont trust her enough to go through my traumas with her.

Thanks for the response.

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia2

I know you said it would not be an option to find another therapist but... have you considered other forms than psychotherapy? Someone like an occupational therapist, whose approach is focused on functionality rather than getting into your live's worth of traumas? Someone who could potentially help you learn new ways to overcome that fear in the everyday? It sounds like you used to be able to bathe and something has changed along the way, so how is processing your childhood traumas expected to help with this recent, ongoing issue? I guess an occupational therapist might even be cheaper than an experienced psychotherapist and perhaps a higher chance to cover considering it is, in a large part, and medical problem. Many of these professionals like to work in a holistic way, integrating physical and psychological factors for the sake of better functioning.

Thanks for the response. I just cant afford an that. That's not an option for me.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by rose1985

Yes she knows cbt. We could try that again. I just have tremendous anxiety about bathing. I had a panic attack in the bath tub and since then I have this extreme anxiety about bathing. She thinks it some kind of trauma. So that's why the emdr.

I just dont trust her enough to go through my traumas with her.

Thanks for the response.

Hm. I have panic disorder. If I have a panic attack during something like, eating out at a restaurant or riding as a passenger in a car (both actual triggers for me at times), then when I go to do those things in the future, I worry I'll have another panic attack and thus try to avoid them (like meeting people someplace instead of riding in a car with them). I don't think any of those issues of mine have to do with trauma. Maybe your T is barking up the wrong tree and looking for something complicated from your past. When really it may be that you had a panic attack while bathing, so now you're worried about having another panic attack while bathing. Anticipatory anxiety. I'd talk about this possibility with her (not saying that you have panic disorder specifically, but you mentioned a panic attack). It doesn't have to mean that something happened to you while bathing/in water as a child.

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hm. I have panic disorder. If I have a panic attack during something like, eating out at a restaurant or riding as a passenger in a car (both actual triggers for me at times), then when I go to do those things in the future, I worry I'll have another panic attack and thus try to avoid them (like meeting people someplace instead of riding in a car with them). I don't think any of those issues of mine have to do with trauma. Maybe your T is barking up the wrong tree and looking for something complicated from your past. When really it may be that you had a panic attack while bathing, so now you're worried about having another panic attack while bathing. Anticipatory anxiety. I'd talk about this possibility with her (not saying that you have panic disorder specifically, but you mentioned a panic attack). It doesn't have to mean that something happened to you while bathing/in water as a child.

Well I did almost drown when I was 8 or so. I just dont know.

[susannahsays]

Do you think the fear would be any less if the tub had less water in it? I mean, I don't know how far you're filling it, but if the panic is at all connected with fear of being consumed by the water or something, maybe that could help. Another idea is you could get a detachable showerhead with an extra long hose and lie down in the bath to use it. I know that isn't ideal, but it would be better than nothing. I don't know your specific situation which makes standing up to shower so painful, but I can personally attest to them getting the job done much more quickly. If you are able to stand for five minutes, that would be enough (unless your movement in general is greatly hindered).

Well I ended therapy with her. She just wasn't the right fit. And she dx me with bpd. Lol. I had some traits in my 20s but I'm 44 and have outgrown them. The supervisor said that he helped her come up with the diagnosis. I said how could you diagnose me with it when you have never met me? He's like true...lol, talk to the new clinician about that. I asked for someone higher up and they don't know where she is or when she will be back!

A different agency will have openings at the end of the month. I'm going to go through them. I've not been happy with this agency for awhile now.

They get just brand new therapists. She did the emdr part where you go through traumas by like ages 0-10, 10-20. Etc. She really triggered me by opening up old wounds. I was pms'ing really bad and left her some critical messages. That's what made her dx with bpd. She was just way over her head with me.

Now to start over...

[LolaCabanna]

Originally Posted by rose1985

Well I ended therapy with her. She just wasn't the right fit. And she dx me with bpd. Lol. I had some traits in my 20s but I'm 44 and have outgrown them. The supervisor said that he helped her come up with the diagnosis. I said how could you diagnose me with it when you have never met me? He's like true...lol, talk to the new clinician about that. I asked for someone higher up and they don't know where she is or when she will be back!

A different agency will have openings at the end of the month. I'm going to go through them. I've not been happy with this agency for awhile now.

They get just brand new therapists. She did the emdr part where you go through traumas by like ages 0-10, 10-20. Etc. She really triggered me by opening up old wounds. I was pms'ing really bad and left her some critical messages. That's what made her dx with bpd. She was just way over her head with me.

Now to start over...

A definitive diagnosis is hard, especially when you find those making it incapable ... most people on these boards have a better understanding of what each one means then the Ts do. Don’t loose hope, you will meet another & hopefully get a proper answer.

Originally Posted by LolaCabanna

A definitive diagnosis is hard, especially when you find those making it incapable ... most people on these boards have a better understanding of what each one means then the Ts do. Don’t loose hope, you will meet another & hopefully get a proper answer.

Thanks for the response. But I have already received my dx . It's bipolar 1 with ptsd. She doesn't know what she's doing. I know I'll get it off my record. Just sucks having it on there now...

Originally Posted by susannahsays

Do you think the fear would be any less if the tub had less water in it? I mean, I don't know how far you're filling it, but if the panic is at all connected with fear of being consumed by the water or something, maybe that could help. Another idea is you could get a detachable showerhead with an extra long hose and lie down in the bath to use it. I know that isn't ideal, but it would be better than nothing. I don't know your specific situation which makes standing up to shower so painful, but I can personally attest to them getting the job done much more quickly. If you are able to stand for five minutes, that would be enough (unless your movement in general is greatly hindered).

Thanks for the response. I'm gonna try just forcing myself to bathe. I'm hoping it will get easier the more I do it . Thanks for the suggestion.

[susannahsays]

I hope the new agency is better. I will say that - in my experience, having worked in a non-clinical capacity for a Medicaid agency - most therapists who offer therapy to Medicaid consumers are inexperienced, unfortunately, and high turnover is not unusual. The issue isn't so much the low reimbursement rate as it is the immense amount of paperwork Medicaid requires - it's truly nuts. We had a few therapists with some years under their belts, but the vast majority had been licensed for less than 5 years. Many came on board with us because we offered free supervision while they worked for us and got the hours required for licensure. Otherwise, they would have had to pay for supervision. Lots of them earned their licenses and continued working for us with the aim of eventually leaving and starting their own private practices.

So if the new agency sticks you with someone inexperienced, I hope you can speak with them and they will have someone with more experience available. When I was working at the agency I mentioned, the supervisors usually didn't see clients, but sometimes if a case was complicated, an exception would be made.

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I hope the new agency is better. I will say that - in my experience, having worked in a non-clinical capacity for a Medicaid agency - most therapists who offer therapy to Medicaid consumers are inexperienced, unfortunately, and high turnover is not unusual. The issue isn't so much the low reimbursement rate as it is the immense amount of paperwork Medicaid requires - it's truly nuts. We had a few therapists with some years under their belts, but the vast majority had been licensed for less than 5 years. Many came on board with us because we offered free supervision while they worked for us and got the hours required for licensure. Otherwise, they would have had to pay for supervision. Lots of them earned their licenses and continued working for us with the aim of eventually leaving and starting their own private practices.

So if the new agency sticks you with someone inexperienced, I hope you can speak with them and they will have someone with more experience available. When I was working at the agency I mentioned, the supervisors usually didn't see clients, but sometimes if a case was complicated, an exception would be made.

Yes exactly! I had a good therapist through there but she left. Then I had to wait for a month to get a new one and got this girl. I've never had someone so new before. She was so out of her element. I don't think she'll last.

I'm coming off benzos too. So I might wait to go to the new agency. I'm not sure yet. But yes on medicaid you just get burned out therapists or new ones. It sucks!