Errrrotic Trrransference

Jumping in here......

My T is both humanistic AND psychoanalytic/psychodynamic.

Like Pink, in my therapy the healing comes through the nuances and struggles of the relationship. The relationship is real and so is the attachment. The transference--erotic or not is also real. It is up to me (with T's help) to figure out why these feelings are coming up in our relationship.

When I began therapy I was so detached from some of my feelings that I didn't believe they existed. I had completely compartmentalized and had everything tidied up in neat little packages.

As we work through the relationship, these feelings have begun to emerge and we are integrating them into my personality. This is where the healing takes place. It's hard work.

So, as far as healing/therapy is concerned, erotic transference is really no different than any other transference, although certainly a hell of a lot more interesting and scintillating!!!!

(and embarrrrassing to talk about if you were raised like I was.....)

It also requires a certain amount of self control (and strong boundaries as we said before)--because in the transference we can act out on feelings of guilt, shame, anger--but we certainly can't act out the sexual part of the erotic transference. (However, we can act out the loving part!).

Now, having said that, Pink, what the hell did you do when he made that comment about "not having wild sex on the couch?"

I WOULD HAVE DIED....A THOUSAND DEATHS......

YOU ARE BRAVE!

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sister said:
Now, having said that, Pink, what the hell did you do when he made that comment about "not having wild sex on the couch?"

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Sister, you know she gave him a disappointed look!

I say she suggested an alternative.

Not the couch? Um okay. The floor then?

I'm having major transference issues at this time. It has been devastating, very difficult work. My T and I are working toward figuring out why I have such attachment/abandonment issues using our relationship. I protest things at times because they make me feel like @#$@#$@, but I know they are in my best interest. I do believe that the therapeutic relationship is the best shot I have at getting past all of this B.S. Just my thoughts.

Personally I found this thread a good one. Sometimes I read others people's posts about different interactions they had in therapy and it creates yet another cycle of self doubt. Am I don't it right? Am I supposed to be doing or experiencing something I'm not? Am I normal? Is my T a good T? "Why can't I feel this or that?" The list goes on and on for as long as I allow it to. I think what I am hearing yet again is that the therapeutic relationship is unique. I just need to accept that there is no right way to do it! Not sure why this I am so thick headed and keep circling my way back to "AM I NORMAL" when there is no static or defined parameters for normal.

I really think it is cool what some of you have experienced with your T. Pink... I would love to be open enough to tell my T or more importantly my husband or friends about my fantasies and dreams. For others I think it is cool that you can transfer feelings towards your T's so that you can work through issues before sharing them with the whomever. Or in my case actually feel and express some stuff that I should have felt and express to people before they died.

Sister your commented:
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When I began therapy I was so detached from some of my feelings that I didn't believe they existed. I had completely compartmentalized and had everything tidied up in neat little packages.

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Sister, you can't image how much this comment help me today. THANK YOU!

My current therapeutic relationship is helping me. It is a real relationship that I am trying to build. It doesn't have all of the emotional exchanges that some of you all have, but I think I'm the one who is controlling that.

Thank you all for reminding me yet again that there is no such thing as normal. I'll apologize in advance for the next time I fall back into this self doubt cycle, if the pattern holds I will be here yet again.

Hey McKell,

You are most welcome!!

As far as the self-doubt, no need to apologize because we all go there. As a matter of fact I am there RIGHT NOW.

Yeah, I get that "normal" dilemma. At this point I wish I was abnormal. I don't know how long you have been in therapy but it has taken me a looooooooooong time to even share a little of my inner turmoil. The relationship continues to grow and cycle.

I think you are doing great. Hang in there. One session at a time.



Peace

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mckell13 said:
My current therapeutic relationship is helping me. It is a real relationship that I am trying to build.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That sounds so healthy and therapeutic. It sounds like you and your T are doing great.

One thing I think is amazing about therapists is how they are masters at creating the therapeutic relationship. This is truly their expertise (a thought I like so much I use it in my siggy). What a strange thing to be an expert at for your job! My T said to me once, "look at us," and he gestured at him and me, "this is health." Just knowing I could form a close relationship with another human being has been very healing for me, given me hope for the future, reminded me who I am and what I can do. In a miserable marriage like mine that seemed like it would last forever, it is easy to be downtrodden and hopeless. The therapeutic relationship contains within itself inspiration for hope and a better future.

sunrise.. what tests were you referring to? the ones you mention about testing the therapeutic relationship.. i'd be very interested in that

JelloFluff, I don't know the official names of the tests, but they are psychological instruments. Someone studying to be a therapist, like pinksoil, might know.

I occasionally read scholarly articles on psychotherapy and have seen the instruments referred to. Articles with topics such as the strength of the therapeutic relationship is what is most important in psychotherapy rather than the theoretical approach of the therapist. Also, I remember one article saying that these assessments show that the degree of a good attachment to the therapist (or a strong bond, or good fit, or whatever you call it) can be determined after the first 3 sessions, using these instruments. The scores don't really change if you give the test after 6 sessions or 10 or 20. I'm not saying the relationship doesn't grow, but that the goodness of fit can be determined very early. I am very curious about how I would score on such a test.

Recently I was at a seminar on addiction, and they were talking about the efficacy of 3 different forms of psychotherapy on treating addiction, and again, this point about the therapeutic relationship being so important rather than the type of therapy came up. I asked the question why don't they just assess the therapeutic relationship after 3 sessions, and if there is not a good fit, assign the client to a new therapist? They agreed this would be a good approach but it is not done. All this evidence shows the therapeutic relationship is so important, why not try what I suggested? (This is in very outcome-oriented therapies for those with heavy substance abuse problems. For anyone interested, the 3 forms of psychotherapy were CBT, a one-on-one AA type therapy, and I believe the third was a type of existential or interpersonal therapy.)

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sunrise said:
Just knowing I could form a close relationship with another human being has been very healing for me, given me hope for the future, reminded me who I am and what I can do. In a miserable marriage like mine that seemed like it would last forever, it is easy to be downtrodden and hopeless. The therapeutic relationship contains within itself inspiration for hope and a better future.

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Wow! another great comment. I've become so isolated I've forgotten what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like. Its nice to try and build one with someone who might not be inclined to attack you.

I did a little searching. Here are two instruments for measuring the therapeutic alliance:

Helping Alliance Questionnaire revised (HAq-II)

California Psychotherapy Alliance Scale (CALPAS)

HAq-II :
http://www.med.upenn.edu/cpr/documents/HAQ2QUES.pdf

CALPAS
http://www.aadprt.org/training/asses...PP_Version.doc

dont know about the scoring yet though

cant find how to read the scores... anyone?

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MzJelloFluff said:
cant find how to read the scores... anyone?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I do remember reading one paper where it mentioned what scores were obtained. The info is probably out there somewhere. I noticed that the HAq has both patient and therapist questionnaires of their experience of the relationship. I do remember reading that there was a strong correlation between the scores on the patient questionnaire and therapy outcome but not of the answers on the therapist questionnaire and therapy outcome. I guess the message is that it is how the patient views and experiences the relationship that is important.

Sorry pink for the hijack....

I think they're "professional" tests, MzJello; would be given and scored by another therapist, a "testing" PhD psychologist (that's another specialization; my first therapist was an intern with that specialization) and they'd do whatever for whomever (probably your T or their own test for research). You'd probably just be given the "results" in a general sense.

Here is a psychology test for you :-)

Psychology Test - Are You Normal?

mckell, that guy's on drugs/not normal himself! LOL How can he screen for normality if he's not normal! He doesn't know the/a meaning of the word.

LOL!!! I was cracking up. They picked the perfect person to dispel the notion of normal. I can see why my students are always surfing YouTube.

HAHHAHA

That guy is a Kook!!


PS Did you make an animal noise at the beginning?

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Erotic transference is not limited to sexual feelings, but also encompasses feelings of love as well as parent feelings. It can also occur between female T/female patient and male T/male patient.

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I'm confused about this. I looked up erotic in the dictionary and it means "arousing sexual feelings or desires; having to do with sexual love".

I am very attached to my T, I love him like a father, but I do not have sexual feelings for him.

I'm not educated in this field at all, but I don't see this as erotic transference.

Raceka, erotic transference has a different meaning in therapy than "erotic" does in our day-to-day world.

This psychologist explains it well: http://www.guidetopsychology.com/ero...ansference.htm

OK, then they should re-name it!