Feeling a bit deluded about my counsellors´s true situation

Thanks here today, I appreciate you tell me this.

Some feminist psychotherapists write very well on the impact of race, gender, and social class in the room and in the long term outcome of therapy. Jessica Benjamin is far from the most radical, but she discusses a concept that a client who perceived a disparity is at risk of feeling therapy is being “ done to” them- the therapist is the invulnerable doer and the patient is the palpably “less than” done/ to. I am far from an expert , but I do think there is good scholarship backing you up ( not that you need to justify your feelings). It would be awesome if an open minded not defensive T could explore your truth with you.

Thanks. I´ll really try to find a book by her, it sounds interesting what she writes. I think too many therapists themselves don´t like the idea to discuss social class as often clients are on the lower scale while a therapist belongs to another upper social class.


By talking social class a therapist might also have to reveal things that underline the differences and that might (or might not) make the client feel less connected. At least that´s how it is for me.

I think when meeting with my new T in a few weeks I´ll bring this up as an issue. We´ll have some evaluation sessions and during those I´ll try to emphasize I find it important. I´ve already talked to her on the phone and by hearing her accent I know she grew up in the city centre and will have at least one or more relatives living close to her. (As she hasn´t moved away from her home town). Just that is very different from me as I live by myself and my relatives live 300 km from me.

Sarah, my therapist belongs to upper middle class, and initially didn't understand the disparity in power dynamics. Not just of class, but her power as a mental health professional versus mine.

I've found reading about feminist therapy helpful.

I no longer think my therapist needs to have been through the same lived experiences as me, but that's because she has managed to CONVEY empathy and compassion, not pity or sympathy.

In the beginning I doubted her a lot as I found her resume, she told me where she studied growing up, told me some stuff, which all showed me she was born extremely privileged compared to me who does have some privilege, as well as some marginalisations. She also came from a loving family while I didn't. And disclosed she has never experienced mental health issues or physical health issues while I had issues as a baby and young child.

So there were many times I asked her outright how could she understand when she didn't have the lived experience.

Eventually I trusted her because she consistently demonstrated she could empathise, she made me feel heard and seen.

I've also had experiences with peer support workers where their "selling point" is their lived experiences of mental illness, disability, trauma etc. Yes, it's validating to meet people who have been through it and found what helps and built a better life.

Unfortunately some will think that just because you have similar lived experiences, what worked for them will work for you. Some will impose their views and in my country, they are not held to the same ethical standards as professionals.

I encourage you to talk more about these feelings to your clinicians whether they are support people, counsellors or psychotherapists. Their reactions could be very informative.

Also while I'm not Swedish (I'm not a resident of the USA either), I have a friend who is a migrant to Norway and she talked about how the therapists didn't understand where she was coming from, because they had no understanding of what it was like to be poverty stricken in a violent neighbourhood etc.

Yes state welfare benefits are good rather than being homeless on the street but there is also a stigma by others not on welfare. That's why some people in my country rather be homeless than go through the gruelling, dehumanising and undignified process of getting welfare in my country

One can also look at it from the point of view of do you really want your T to be on the same class level as you? Would you want any other professional doctor/ physician to be the same class level as you?

I'm sure many of them struggled when starting out as schooling is long and expensive. Putting in the mandatory training hours prior to certification pays next to nothing.

But as they get established I would hope they start to move up the financial ladder. If they did not I would seriously doubt their abilities as a doctor or lawyer.

My T practices in an area he cannot afford to live because he wants to move up and get higher paying clients. He is an excellent T and deserves to use his skills to the best if his ability. He has worked his way up from the bottom as most Ts do. I know I would not go to see him if I gad to go to a dangerous neighborhood to do it no matter hiw good he is. I would not feel safe and would not trust his skills as a T. I'm sure he feels the need to impress. My physician was moving offices and said she had to move to a better neighborhood or patients would not want to go to her. Some are struggling like anyone else but feel the need to impress in order to prove their competance to many clients who would not go to them if they were not successful. In the US a show if wealth through office and home location proves that they are a top notch doctor that people trust and want to see. The public pays to see the best doctor they can afford because they want the best care for themselves and their family.

I'm sure I will get flack over this and it is not the case with every T or doctor but is is the truth in many cases.

Sarah, just something I have been wondering about here... are you yourself able to imagine what it is like to be in another person's situation, or imagine what it might be like to experience trauma or distress from something you yourself have not experienced? I am just wondering if you might have a difficulty with this and thus not be able to see how another person is able to empathise and connect with someone who hasn't experienced the same things they have.
Most people are able to empathise with another person's pain or distress, even if they haven't had the same experiences. Most people can sense and feel how distressing a situation might be for another human being and can imagine what it is like to be in their position.
Are you able to do this? I am wondering if you might struggle with this and so not realize that other people can.