[Lrad123]

I’m used to being independent and generally the role I play in my life is that of a caretaker to others both at home and at work. I guess I’m sort of uncomfortable when the roles are reversed. I just sent my T of 2 years an email saying that he matters to me and that I miss him between sessions. This was tough for me to say and to admit to myself, and now I feel sick to my stomach. It doesn’t help that he does not reply to emails. I think what I’m feeling is shame. Shame about having these feelings and shame about expressing them and shame about not getting a response. Is this useful at all? I can endure discomfort if it’ll be useful to me in the long run, but I don’t want to do it just for the heck of it. I know a lot of people think about their T’s between sessions and miss them, and I know it’s an attachment thing, but it sucks and doesn’t seem to serve a purpose. My T will say that the solution is to talk about it, so I guess that’s what we’ll eventually do, but it sounds long and painful. I’m curious about other people’s experiences.

Please no therapy-bashing posts.

Your T is right. Talking about it helps.
I see a lot of wounded people on here who like to project their feelings of shame on to posters who like yourself are honest about their feelings.
I use to feel shame or weakness about the feelings I felt. Now I don't. It takes strength to be vunrable and emotionally honest.
You feel what you feel

[Lonelyinmyheart]

I 100% agree with your T and Mouse, talking about it and processing it helps a lot.

I share very similar feelings. It is okay to have those feelings and it's incredibly brave to voice them. I also used to feel intense shame but now I don't. T has said all my feelings are valid. I told her that I wanted to live with her and be with her 24/7. She said she understood that. I even said I would want to spend 90% of the time locked in a warm hug with her (nothing sexual) and she was okay with that as well. She said obviously this is real life and it can't happen, but it doesn't mean the very real feelings can't be looked at and validated and understood.

There IS a real freedom in being vulnerable, even if it doesn't seem so now. It's that which has potential for healing with a safe and compassionate T. It will also hopefully lead to better relationships with others in your life, and most importantly with yourself.

[here today]

Originally Posted by Lrad123

I’m used to being independent and generally the role I play in my life is that of a caretaker to others both at home and at work. I guess I’m sort of uncomfortable when the roles are reversed. I just sent my T of 2 years an email saying that he matters to me and that I miss him between sessions. This was tough for me to say and to admit to myself, and now I feel sick to my stomach. It doesn’t help that he does not reply to emails. I think what I’m feeling is shame. Shame about having these feelings and shame about expressing them and shame about not getting a response. Is this useful at all? I can endure discomfort if it’ll be useful to me in the long run, but I don’t want to do it just for the heck of it. I know a lot of people think about their T’s between sessions and miss them, and I know it’s an attachment thing, but it sucks and doesn’t seem to serve a purpose. My T will say that the solution is to talk about it, so I guess that’s what we’ll eventually do, but it sounds long and painful. I’m curious about other people’s experiences.

Please no therapy-bashing posts.

I think it will be useful to you to experience these feelings and process them, talking with someone who accepts them will probably help. And it sounds like your T may be such a person. It may be long and painful, but perhaps not as long and painful as it seems right now. One step at a time. What's the alternative?

Are you saying that you feel that the really odd therapeutic relationship brings out these feelings, and makes you into this kind of powerless person within the relationship, and it feels a bit hard to respect yourself? I’m voicing how I feel about my relationship with my T, which may not be how you feel.

[chihirochild]

I’m in a very similar boat. It feels miserable. I hope to God it’s useful because otherwise I’m suffering in vain.

Hugs of empathy if wanted.

[Lrad123]

Originally Posted by Wild at heart

Are you saying that you feel that the really odd therapeutic relationship brings out these feelings, and makes you into this kind of powerless person within the relationship, and it feels a bit hard to respect yourself? I’m voicing how I feel about my relationship with my T, which may not be how you feel.

Something like that. I think I would have described it that way at one point, but I’m hopeful that the feelings brought out by this very odd, lopsided by nature therapeutic relationship will be helpful to me in some way down the road in other relationships. What you are describing sounds a bit like vulnerability to me. It’s scary and doesn’t feel good.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Shame is such a battle. Keep talking to your T about it. There is something there than comes up for you that probably has nothing to do with the therapist.