Couch 206: The Hersilia Couch

I finally decided to do something about my cat waking me up at 2am wanting a faucet turned on. Bought them this new fountain. Said cat was the first to drink from it and he tried each stream haha! Big cat has used it too, but penny is steering clear so far. We'll keep their water bowl too to make sure she drinks. I hope this keeps Rascal from waking me up tonite!

I managed to finish one of my girls' costume tonight, still have one more to go. Besides the tutu underneath I should have everything I need so hopefully it wont take too much time. Still feeling kind of numb tonight regardless though. H is in a mood about bills and driving. Tomorrow is a busy day of appointments for me. T, wound care, and pdoc. Pretty nervous about the last 2.

I have to give a bunch of didactic sessions this week and I'm so resentful about it. They take hours of work for an hour long presentation and the audience is like eight people. The one I'm giving today really sucks but I don't even care.

Taking the 3 kids at work on a trip to a farm today in hopes that it keeps everyone calm and happy. Let see if this works.

Me taking all 3 kids to a farm should be entertaining. You can catch this adventure on a future episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Well, off to work I go.

Score one for the new cat fountain!! The cat did not wake me up during the night even once. Yay!

Good luck! I know being outside tends to make my D calmer, so maybe it will help the one who's causing the issues?

I hope so. He’s a big reason for this trip today. I’m hoping the animals and the high 60 temps will be therapeutic for him.

Good luck today, Jersey!

Anybody know how long it takes to have a thread you started deleted? I was an idiot and started one I wish I hadn't and asked to have it deleted.
The responses are helpful I just shouldn't have put it all out there like that

If its any consolation, i didnt see any spilled beans.

Artie darlin', I don't think you said too much. And you're not an idiot.

You seem to have a lot of internal chaos, and that must be exhausting. Staying or going, feeling way up and then way down, wanting to say something and then deciding that you never should have said it, etc. I don't know what you should do about your T, and I don't think you do either. You often make firm resolutions one way or another, but it's just a complicated situation with two complicated humans in it, and it is exceedingly likely that there is no absolute right answer.

I have a deep connection with my main T, but I have only seen her once in the last three months. I have been seeing a VERY different T who specializes in DBT and works with people who tend to have extreme emotions and trouble self-soothing. We have also been doing some EMDR, which is trippy. I made the switch because being around my main T made me want to scream and rip my hair out. I still care about main T, and I still plan to go back to her, but I had to get my head on straight first. I have gotten a lot of clarity not just from the break but also from talking about my T and our dynamic with somebody else. (Interim T is friendly with main T and used to work with her.) I feel like I understand my T's strengths and limitations more clearly now, but more importantly, I understand myself better.

So maybe just draw a gigantic question mark on Lullabelle and try a new therapist? This break-up/make-up/break-up/make-up cycle doesn't seem to be working very well for either of you, and I doubt that this is the time that you will get a different outcome.

Thank you so much for that. It is exhausting. I have been researching other t's. Maybe I will give one or two of them a call.

Artie when T 1 relationship blew up I grieved it intensely but overwhelmingly I was relieved it was done and I could just stop thinking about it. Sometimes you have to blow up the bridge to finally walk away.

Art, I ran across an old thread of yours recently. I first thought it had been posted recently because it sounded exactly like the posts you make today about your therapist. But it was from 2013.

It is exhausting because you have been caught in this cycle for 5-6 years at least and it’s become a hamster wheel you can’t get off. My advice is to go read your old threads. You might realize some things about yourself and your situation that help you do whatever you end up doing now.

I know this isn't the same thing at all, but it reminds me of when my relationship with my college boyfriend ended. Our relationship had become quite tumultuous by the end, going back and forth between intending to get married and taking breaks. When he finally ended it, I was crushed, but shortly after, felt relief. There was some grieving, yes, but the relief outweighed that.

The end of things with ex-MC was a mix as well, but that was a bit different because the big rupture had happened 4 months before we actual terminated, and the relationship had been dying a slow death since then, like it never felt the same after that.

Thanks so much. I'll go look for them on my lunch break today. But you're right I have been caught in this cycle for a long time... too long.

I think I may have wronged my h all along about this too. Him wanting me to quit for the past 5 years or so and me getting mad about it. He's been here all this time watching me stuck running in the hamster wheel, trying to pull me out of it but I won't/can't let him. Yet he still loves me.

Day 8 begins. I'm really tired. If I had a GYN, I think I'd give them a call today, but I don't. I could use some emotional support, but my emotional support guy is still on vacation and probably doesn't really want to hear about this again anyway.

Whoa, art. Think. Like three nights ago he said he was jealous of your therapist. Couldn’t *that* have been behind his resistance? Don’t give him credit for being right by accident.

If he even was right—why so quick to assume you were wrong? And even if you were, there is something to be said for resisting such attempts to control one.

(((NP)))

(I do love the description of a therapist as an “emotional support guy” though. Like cable guy.)

I hope he would chuckle at that and not take offense because it was definitely not intended. I miss him.

It was not an easy thing for him to admit that, so I suppose I started seeing him in a different light then, that's all... so it kinda lined up there even if it might not be totally correct....

Hugs NP. I hope you get some relief soon.

CPS just came over unannounced to have me fill out release of information forms for everyone's therapists. It was the lady from last time so I know our case isn't closed yet. I dont know if they can find out if I was recently in the hospital, but I'm also doing everything I'm supposed to do for my own mental health. I'm sure she also saw Way to make my anxiety sky rocket.

HUGS @SheHulk07

I feel dissociated today.