fired by text

So I was just fired by text message. She doesn't think that she's the best therapist for me. That's it. No other information. We had a bad session, but I thought we were going to work it out. I wasn't rude or abusive. I feel so devastated and lost. Also, I thought it was going well. I called and begged her to take me back. But I don't know.

Is it even ethical to fire a client that way?

Wow, that is unbelievable and really speaks to her character. I’m sorry this has happened - how long had you been seeing her?

Hi Maybeblue,

I am sorry you were terminated! And I am sorry that you were terminated in such a lowball way!

This is abuse of power. Ethically - from my understanding - a therapist is supposed to offer referral or some other form of support when a termination occurs.

You are not alone! Termination is horrendously damaging and extremely traumatic for many. I think you deserve an explanation. But be careful how you approach that request - therapist have ALOT of power.

How long have you seen this therapist?

Help us understand what transpired in your last session. It might help us help you.

I agree with Flinders40, this therapist is clearly incompetent and this termination is as a result of countertransference, which means they are at fault, not you.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

OMG! That is terrible! I am so very sorry that happened to you. I think that is very unprofessional. The therapist should have at least told you in person and hopefully given you some referrals for other therapists. This is not your fault. The therapist handled it very badly. Lots of hugs Kit

During the last session I was depressed. And I might have dissociated. But this is a DBT therapist. She should not have been unfamiliar with dissociation. It felt like she was going way too fast for me...like I couldn't understand what she was doing. I got frustrated and I think that I said that she didn't understand what I was going through. But then at the end she said that she thought I was doing really well. Afterwards I crashed. And I called and left her a message. She texted me back. So I texted her back pretty much asking if we could be more collaborative. I wasn't rude, but I texted too many separate messages. I think. So she texted back and said that coaching was for asking for help with skills. Only I had asked her if she wanted me to call if I had a problem with the relationship and she said that she did. So I thought I was doing the right thing but I guess not.

I called and begged her to take me back and she said that we could meet on Tuesday and talk about it. I really actually loved this therapist. But now I feel kind of unsafe. Like she can just dump me by text any time she wants and I can't do anything about it? I'd seen her maybe 4-5 times. The thing is that she told me that she had never fired a client. I don't think I broke any of her rules. Why would she do this?

Maybe it is about her and not you. There might be something you trigger for her that she will never tell you or maybe she just isn't right to treat you. A T that thinks this is an ok way to dump people sounds like a rubbish T to me, maybe she recognises she is not equipped or skilled enough. I'm sorry this is happening

I would urge you to change your language on this - the cowardly therapist quit by email. You are the one who hired her - she can quit (and she did so in a very unprofessional way) but she cannot fire you the client.
She sounds like a therapist of which you are well shed.

Hugs, I'm so sorry. That seems very unprofessional and unethical to terminate you in that way. Maybe consider looking for someone else instead of going back to her?

Not ethical or professional in any way. No matter how much I liked a therapist, pull that kind of move on me, I'm outta there. Honor yourself enough to not accept that kind of disrespect. You don't have to allow it. If she has a supervisor, report her behavior and consider finding a different therapist.

But it IS presidential! We gotta get with the times!

Lol. Unaluna that is funny! As much as this thread topic is heartbreaking, I always welcome humor.

Maybeblue, how are you holding up?

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I'm seriously beginning to see and understand that a large percentage of these people are dysfunctional. So it does become for you , that she was so dysfunctional that she ran away. It's not your fault that she's dysfunctional. Try to see this as healing , albeit that the healing comes about in a somewhat twisted and paradoxical way. If you can OBSERVE the dysfunction you see , rather than FEELING that it's your fault , it may help. I'm working on this at the moment and it isn't easy. If they abuse the position they are in to terminate , you just have to feel sorry for them that they don't know any better. Understand the power is still and always has been with you. Hugs , and please do continue to post so you can hopefully process this more with understanding and supportive people who have been there too.

It's just not easy to find a DBT program near me. But I don't know. I'm numb. I don't want to start over with someone else. Ironically DBT seemed to be working for me. I know I could quit and start the process of looking all over again. But jeez. I don't want to.

I just nearly spit coffee through my nose 🤣🤣

I also think this is completely unacceptable and speaks volumes about this therapist's "competency". Please don't submit to her. Maybe I would go back for one last meeting if I were curious, but definitely would not beg to her or ask for more sessions. Instead, I would tell her how impulsive and unprofessional her behavior was, that I will find someone who can actually handle their work as a responsible paid provider. The only situation where I would deem that reaction reasonable, after such a short time and one bad session, would be if you physically threatened her somehow. Even then, I would still feel obligated to try to offer some kind of help to a client in so much distress. And definitely an explanation. And explanation that your problems are perhaps outside of her expertise would be acceptable and reasonable to me but coupled with a civil, respectful, honest conversation. I would ask her (if you go back) what exactly she hoped to achieve with that reaction, did she find it appropriate and satisfying for her? And if she reacted defensive again, I would just stand up, walk out, and never contact her again.

This is a DBT therapist? Oh my... speak about emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness!

Well said Out There. I agree wholeheartedly.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Hi ArtleyWilkins,

I just wanted to say I like your thoughts on this! Finding self-respect for oneself and recognizing where the problem lies - certainly with the therapist - who very clearly failed in every regard.

It is unethical to abandon a client, without some kind of time frame.....and doing it via e-mail is cowardly and unprofessional!

I get it. I want to say screw her and just leave. But there's also the group, which I loved. It's a private DBT program and I have been spending a ton of money and time going to it. I think that it was my text messages that did it.

Here is what I said. Mind you this is DBT so phone coaching is acceptable and she gave me her number to text. First I had called her to say that I was worried that she was mad at me and what skill could I use to help me with that. And I told her that I had been expecting her to teach me something about wise mind the next time because she said she would. So she said

"Good Morning -- I am not mad at you. I am proud of all you are doing. This is a journey. I can certainly record a message for you to listen to between sessions. Let's start with that next session. My apologies that I did not focus on teaching wise mind. I promise you will learn to get there."

So I said "Thank you. There were major problems for me last session. I'm not blaming you. But at the same time it never works for me to not address it. I also understand that this could be frustrating for you to have me be so sensitive." I really had no idea what we were doing yesterday. I didn't know if we were doing a chain or if you were just trying to get me to experience emotions. Or if you were trying to point out my assumptions. It was really fast. Remember when my emotions are high I can't process quickly. I really need to ask you again to be more collaborative with me when we are doing sessions. I need you to explain more what you are doing and why. Also, can we do an agenda? Can we take my current emotions into account when deciding how the session will go? If you are problem solving something can we work together on that? I'm not going to ask you to do supportive therapy or just validate me, but for me understanding and consent is really important and sometimes I have good ideas too. DBT therapy is a relationship between equals and I am making a huge commitment in time and money to do it. So I'm going to do whatever I need to to make it effective."

So then she said "I completely understand and agree. I am a DBT therapist. It's all I know how to do. So you can be assured we aren't doing supportive therapy. Let's talk more Tuesday. Just a reminder phone coaching and texting is to identify skills to bring in. Moving forward let's be mindful of that. I don't want to get burned out by answering too many texts or between session phone calls."

So then I said. "I understand that and don't want you to get burned out either. And at the same time when I explicitly asked you a few weeks ago if I am upset about something that happens in session if I should contact you or hold it in. You said I should contact you. So that is what I did. I am sorry if I was too long winded. I don't need to talk about it more right now. Thank you for not dumping me."

Then nothing for two days. Then this morning:

"Hi __ I wanted to send you a text prior to our next session to save you a trip to ___ next week as I know you have a long drive. After further discussion with my DBT team and activating my own wise mind, I do not believe I am the most effective DBT therapist for you. Please let me know if you would like some referrals for another therapist."

Then I begged and then she said we could talk more Tuesday, and maybe she'd take me back if we could figure out how to make it effective for both of us.

So did I do anything wrong or rude?

I am so sorry What a horrible way for her to do it!

No , nothing rude or wrong from you at all. " I want to save you a trip " so I'm sending you a text that will upset you instead of discussing it when you came in , because I care about you. Clueless. Please don't blame yourself !

Thanks for sharing the more complete story. This makes a little more sense and it sounds like she thought about it for a couple days and was not entirely impulsive. I still think the way she reacted was inappropriate. Part of her responses do sound quite defensive and she is mostly throwing things back at you instead of explaining and discussing. I just don't understand why that attempt to dump you was necessary at all.

No, I don't think so. If this is done by a team, are there potential other team member Ts that you could work with individually? I totally get not wanting to just waste the already invested money and time, potentially useful other resources, especially if the method is helpful for you... because of one jerk. I know I would feel the same way.

In post#20, which begins "so i said...", you are missing an open quote, which makes this paragraph unclear. Did you say all that to her? Or just want to?

Eta - because you kinda make a lot of demands in the latter part of the paragraph.

That was very unprofessional of her. I would frankly ask to speak to her supervisor if this is a team. She may be right that shes not the best for you but she also knows you are in distress and knows that kind of text would only cause you trauma. If there is no supervisor to report her to, I would report her to the licensure board and leave reviews for her online that she had behaved as such. And I certainly wouldnt continue on with her as a therapist. How can you trust her after this? How can she effectively treat you if you cant trust her? Continuing to see her will only cause more harm than good. But she needs to know that her behavior was unprofessional and, quite frankly, unethical considering she's a therapist and should know better than to communicate like that with a patient over text. If the texting was going on too long she should have point blank said this is too much to discuss in text so we either need to have a call or wait until our next session. She has a problem with boundaries. And she just took it out on you in an inappropriate way.