Couch 207: The spiced gingerbread couch

so I texted T (which we dont text much except scheduling and havent really in about 2 months) I told her I was scared she wasnt coming back from her trip. she replied asking if our next appointment t was next week which I confirmed and she said ok see you then. No acknowledgement of anything else I had said. I expect she probably forgot what she was responding to.

I know I shouldnt text for this very reason and I know she is not a mind reader to what I need or want but dammit why not? lol

Hugs, NP, I'm sorry...ruptures can be so painful. Especially when there's attachment about it. If you want to PM me about it, feel free.

Example.
Me: I was really scared when you left that you wouldnt come back
T: are we meeting next week?
Me: yes monday at 2
T: See you then!

Me...ok lol I know I should be more specific so I'm not mad or upset just like oh thanks I guess??

So I didn't even need the pap smear. They were going to do the test. I'm in the room. Changed and everything. And then 20 minutes later the nurse was like, wait have you ever been sexually active and I was like no. She's like you don't need the test, unless you want one. I was like no thanks. So then I saw the Dr. She asked me again if I had ever been sexually active. I was like no. She's like then you don't need the test. You aren't at risk for cervical cancer and it's really hard to do the test if you haven't been sexually active. She went over my lab results which were all good. She's even lowering my cholesterol medication. She checked my recent SH wounds for me and said they weren't infected. She asked me when I see the psych doctor. I said next week. She said be sure to tell him because you may need your meds adjusted. She gave me a lab order and an appointment for 3 months. Now if they will just stop sending me texts and emails saying I need the pap smear!!!

I don't think I have the energy to type out what's going on because I'm feeling pretty emotional about it and I'm not even sure what's going on myself, but thanks for offering. We're supposed to meet tomorrow, but I'm really feeling like no showing. That'll show him.

I think the teddy hospital has lost my daughters Pooh bear that sent because the rats chewed holes in him. The post website says it was delivered last Tuesday and no one gave me a turnaround time on the process, so i emailed them 2 days ago so it gave the bear 7 days to move through the system. No one has replied.

I am also having problems finding a house sitter for 2 nights because i am registered on one website which seems to have sitters who are Animal Welfare League members and refuse to discuss looking after the rats. Even though the rats only spend 6 hours at night and its for their own safety so the cats dont eat them.

No worries, I understand that feeling. Both about not having the energy to type it out and considering not going. I generally find it's better to go talk it out, but I've also found it helpful at times to cancel or postpone a session if I think I need a bit of space to think. Hope you can work it out...

He's apparently consulted with someone about me. I don't know how I feel about that.

And I sent him an email after session saying he hurt me (not about the consult) and what he wasn't getting and he hasn't responded. I guess he's not going to.

This all started last week because he brought up our Sunday phone check-ins that we've been doing for a long while now. He wants to stop doing them and I'm okay with that. Some weeks I feel I need the call; other weeks it's okay without it. Even the weeks I feel I need it, I'll live without it. He just happened to bring it up after I made a comment indicating that I had a hard time two weekends ago when he couldn't do it. He keeps explaining over and over why he's doing this and he won't listen to me that it's okay to stop doing them. Yes, I have mixed feelings about it because they help with the loneliness, but I'm okay with stopping them. I wish he had picked another time to bring it up though, not right after I'd said something about it.

Unfortunately, it hasn't stopped with this topic but only expanded. He's brought up reducing our sessions at some point and he really triggered some abandonment stuff with all this. It just feels like the whole sweater is unraveling at this point. I'm attached to him, but it's not secure yet. He assumes that some things I say mean I think he doesn't care about me, which is not true at all. It took some time getting there, but I do believe he cares about me. I keep telling him that, but he's got some notion in his head and won't listen to what I'm saying. This is a mess and I don't know how to work with someone who won't believe me when I tell them something. I don't know what to do.

I talked to my T today about this whole Team meeting we're supposed to have in a few weeks. The case worker invites all therapists, etc to the meeting. T and I agreed that it would put a wrench in our therapeutic relationship to see him at a meeting with a bunch of cps workers talking about us. Not to mention H will be there. I dont know if the kids' therapists will be there or Hs therapist.

@SlumberKitty You ought to be able to contact your PCP or whoever deals with that, Kit, and request that you be taken off that list. I'm in the UK, but I was able to do so, and they won't send a reminder for three years now.

I’m going to a lecture facilitated by a man I used to be deeply and hopelessly in love with (it was unrequited—he was my mentor in med school, it was complicated etc etc).

I probably shouldn’t be doing this. My T will not be thrilled.

I screamed at the kids at work last night. Unacceptable. The 4 year old punched me in my back and I lost my cool. That’s not okay. The way either of us acted is not okay.

I actually think it is perfectly okay to yell at a four year old who has just punched someone, whoever it is.

Cut yourself a break and don’t beat up on yourself, Jersey. You’re tending to three kids, one an infant and one with some kind of behavioral issues, while fighting (what sounds like) depression and exhaustion.

Thanks @@. I Told their mom so she wouldn’t be taken aback when she watches the footage from the camera. She just said that although screaming at them solves nothing-they are very good at getting negative attention when they want it. So she didn’t really think it was okay but she didn’t dismiss her kids actions either. That’s why I like this lady. She doesn’t think her kids are perfect and do no wrong.

What boggles me about this 4 year old is that he justifies his actions as okay as long as he is the one doing them. For example, the other day he grabbed his little sister by her neck and threw her out of the playroom because she touched his Legos. Once everything was calm I asked him what he would do if he saw another boy doing that to his sister. He said: Well, Jersey I would protect her and beat them up because she doesn’t know how to protect herself. I said well then why do you do it if she can’t protect herself. He said because I’m her brother and it’s okay for me but not another boy.

I understand the 4 yr old. I feel that way about my sibling and we are both in our 50s. I thought (I could be wrong) it was a fairly common approach to siblings.
I don't grab and throw my sibling any more. Although sometimes I have the urge.
But I would also have the urge to protect the goofus from anyone else.

It does sound like you are tired and hate this job.

I guess an older sibling could feel that way? I’m the middle sibling so I just used to get great joy in bothering my older sister and she would go after me but never protected. As for my younger sister I just always protected her. I never wanted to hurt her. But this boy and girl are only 1.5 years apart. I’m 9 years older than my younger sister.

So you have a four year old who’s punched you, grabbed his sister by the neck and threw her around, and once attacked the baby iirc?

When is this kid getting help? He’s going to end up damaging his siblings emotionally if not physically.

The worst my siblings and I ever did was bicker or poke each other hard.

He’s supposed to have an evaluation in January to start getting services. He’s on the cancellation list for something sooner. That’s what his mom said anyway. I don’t know why they didn’t go private to get him help sooner.

My sister would throw herself on the ground and say I pushed her, but I never did. I think the worst thing that happened physically was one time she kicked me in the shins with her rollerblades on. That hurt. I remember wanting to put my hands on her a few times, though.

Oh, and she also thought it was funny to stick those little pins you use for sewing into these plastic wicker like chairs my grandparents had. However, she was really young and I'm pretty sure she got the idea from my cousin who is older than her.

My sister sounds a bit naughty from these descriptions, but she's actually a really great sister and always has been.

He does stuff to his sister a lot. Usually in the midst of one of his fits. If I don’t catch him and redirect him as soon as he gets that look in his eyes then it’s usually too late for me to get to him before he gets to her. Especially if I’m in the middle of changing a diaper or something.

This is not on you, Jersey. I think hes acting out his parents disinterest in the kids, and how his parents treat each other (disrespectfully). I mean, who has 3 kids in 5 years and leaves them with a nanny? Was there a live-in nanny before? What is wrong with those people? Are they lawyers or what?

They are doctors. Before they had a nanny the kids were in daycare and they had a part time babysitter that would pick them up from daycare and look after them until one of them got home from work. They took the kids out of daycare and got a nanny because they wanted the boy to go an actual preschool. He will be in kindergarten next year.