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#1
Dec 24, 2007, 08:23 AM
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When I am with T I can be. I can exist. It is just now that I am realizing the magnitude of that.
My mother was not able to validate my existence, so I was not able to be. It is through our mother's reflection that we begin to develop and construct a sense of self. The loss of this reflection, a childhood without mirrors, left me without a solid foundation upon which to build. In fact, it was much worse than that--there was no foundation at all--I thought I had to make it up all by myself. I am beginning to construct myself now in a holding environment where there is a reflection; a place of safety, love and caring. A place where I am seen. In this relationship I am loved for who I am; and for who I can be. Whoa. 
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#2
Dec 24, 2007, 08:33 AM
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  ((((((( sister )))))))
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 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#3
Dec 24, 2007, 08:38 AM
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I can very much relate to your second paragraph (that's almost exactly what a counsellor has said about me)
I'm so happy for you that you've found a therapist who can help you heal from this in safety and caring, that's absolutely fantastic (and gives me hope too  )(((((((((((( sister )))))))))))))
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#4
Dec 24, 2007, 09:56 AM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sister said: When I am with T I can be. I can exist. It is just now that I am realizing the magnitude of that. My mother was not able to validate my existence, so I was not able to be. It is through our mother's reflection that we begin to develop and construct a sense of self. The loss of this reflection, a childhood without mirrors, left me without a solid foundation upon which to build. In fact, it was much worse than that--there was no foundation at all--I thought I had to make it up all by myself. I am beginning to construct myself now in a holding environment where there is a reflection; a place of safety, love and caring. A place where I am seen. In this relationship I am loved for who I am; and for who I can be. Whoa. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> YES!
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Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
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#5
Dec 24, 2007, 10:28 AM
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I think of it as having been there and just uncovering myself from all the rubble, instead of constructing a self from scratch. Because there were no mirrors doesn't mean I wasn't there, I just didn't know or remember I was.
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#6
Dec 24, 2007, 04:15 PM
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Thank you so much for verbalising this. I have been telling my T that I don't exist to my mother. I am simply there to hold a mirror up to her. When I hold the mirror up I am invisible and do not exist in her eyes. My focus lately has been on understanding this and on learning to drop the mirror so she has to see me.
I had never considered that she should be holding a mirror up to me. Thank you so much for sharing. And I am so glad that you finally have a safe mirror reflecting back at you now. There is huge magnitude in what you have said. Sending you warm thoughts.
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He said that we can email as MUCH as we want (100 times per day). Believe in this - it is challenging fears about being punished. It is okay to be seen. You are not a nuisance. "Too much" simply means exploration, not punishment/withdrawal. Trust in him.  Not looking at him is about keeping aspects of self hidden/secret. We know that is not the healthy choice. Keep working on this - you will get there.  Accept there are parts. Be kind and gentle with them. Working with parts and feelings is the key to happiness. We have been happy before when listened to them and accepted them and were open to feelings. Write in your journal - it is safe to do so. 
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#7
Dec 24, 2007, 04:59 PM
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The only way to go is UP!! I started to re-construct my self concept with the help of my great doctor, then the rest of the world seemed to hinder my work.....it's a big world out there, but sometimes with opposition we can build our foundation even stronger, with time we can be ourselves even easier than those who didn't truly struggle in this life.
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#8
Dec 24, 2007, 05:06 PM
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((( sister )))
I feel that too. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it makes me want to hide. Sometimes it makes me want to run like hell. |
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#9
Dec 24, 2007, 09:58 PM
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yep
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