Why doesn’t my therapist show emotion?

I’ve been seeing her since May and I just now realized I’ve never seen her show emotion. She doesn’t smile or laugh. She hardly changes her tone. She’s nice though. Do some practices not allow therapists to react to their clients? I did catch her trying to hold back a laugh when I said something funny without realizing until later just how funny it was. I don’t know. It seems kind of weird.

Maybe she’s trying to be consistent until she knows you better? It does seem weird that she doesn’t smile at all though.

Maybe she is coming from the extreme end of the psychodynamic school of thought which believes in the therapist being a blank slate in the room rather than giving anything away to the client. This is supposed to highlight the clients issues. Your t does sound a rather extreme example though. This approach doesn't work for every client.

My therapist is also very restrained. We've worked together for 10 years and she's the best therapist I've ever had (a few bumps in the road not withstanding). I just know that if I tell a funny story she's not likely to get it or if I want a strong reaction I'm not going to get that either. She is the calmest person I know, except for my psychiatrist. Nothing phases either of them. That suites me just fine.

That would bother me as well. As someone else mentioned, maybe she's trying to do the blank slate thing? My T will smile and laugh quite often (he does try to stifle the laughter on occasion when I say something unintentionally funny). But then, he also knows me quite well now (after 2 years) and knows I will joke around about something that's an uncomfortable topics and that I'm OK with him laughing at my jokes (or sometimes he'll just smile and say "You're funny") or joking around some himself. I'm not sure he was quite that way with me in the beginning, so it could be part of feeling a newer client out, as someone else mentioned. I'd ask her about it.

It can stem from personality. Or she isn't comfortable (or doesn't believe in) expressing emotion in the therapy context.

Probably has to do with her theoretical orientation.

Some T's just don't seem to show a lot of emotion. They try to do the "blank slate" thing. To not bring too much of themselves into the room.

Interesting question. I see her behaviour as something which stems from her theoretical orientation, that she believes in the therapist as a "blank slate". Psychoanalysts and some psychodynamic therapists work like that, believing that their neutrality brings transference reactions in their clients. Have you ever asked her about this or told her you find it weird when she tries to hide a laugh?


I personally left a therapist I waited two years to see much because she didn´t want to change her behavior or adapt her ways of being to make me feel more comfortable with her style. I felt she was cold and distant and I don´t see the point in trying to enforce certain reactions by creating unnatural situations. Of course a client, and most people, will react to a person who doesn´t show emotion or who act cold in one way or another. It´s just a silly experiment to me, to sit and look at clients´ reactions to an unnatural behavior in their therapist.


Not all psychodynamic therapists work this way though but if you think of finding another T I would go for a humanistic/rogerian T instead. They work very differently and they believe in seeing the patient as a person, not a patient they should manipulate into certain reactions.

I haven’t asked her yet but I might ask tomorrow. Kind of a weird question but she specializes in autism and is it possible she might have some form of it herself and that’s why she is kind of emotionless?

Autistic people dont lack emotion, that's a myth. It's more likely shes coming from a psychodynamic approach to the work with you.

Working from a psychoanalytic or psychodynamic orientation does not forbid or preclude the T from showing emotion. It does orient the T from filling the room with their own emotions to leave room for the patient's emotions but that's a different story from reacting emotionally, if appropriate.

This incident seems overall like an important thing to discuss. The question about why did she not laugh when you saw her holding it back, sounds quite relevant and appropriate to me. On the other hand the question of why you are trying to be funny in therapy seems important to discuss too.

It's more that people on the spectrum may have trouble detecting other people's emotions, like reading on their face that they're angry or sad. It's something my D's T is working with her on. Though in her case, she has difficulty identifying her own emotions as well.

It's difficult to establish trust or a healthy relationship with an emotionally withdrawn cyborg.

Ironically, a client who behaved this way would likely be hit with a personality disorder diagnosis.

When a therapist displays alarming or disturbing traits, it's assumed to be a technique or device.

If it is indeed deliberate, that is concerning. If it's not deliberate, that is also concerning.

Also, if you don't know enough about the person to gauge whether they are really like this, that's a red flag also, in my view.

If I recall correctly, OP is actually autistic so they are probably aware that autistic people have emotions. I think they just meant how the therapist comes across. OP probably doesn't require psychoeducation on this point from neurotypicals.

ETA - OP, I recall you mentioning elsewhere that you've been suffering from a sleeping disorder. I imagine you're pretty tired. Maybe she's mirroring you - if you're low energy and sort of flat, she takes your lead and acts the same. Some therapists do this.

I wasn’t trying to be funny. I don’t make jokes in therapy or change my attitude or behavior week to week. I was just stating a fact when talking to her. She asked me if I went to check out the sleep study building yet. I said I drove past it on my way to get fried chicken. That was when she was holding back the laugh. I wasn’t being funny I was just being literal and then when I got home I realized that sounded a little bit funny/ odd. I’ve thought of her just being tired before too. I have been told by people I appear to be emotionless and dull and I was just saying that my therapist seems kind of the same way as I do at times. I know plenty of autistic people and they do have emotions.

She may have found something amusing when she imagined you driving past the sleep study building to get some fried chicken - sort of like you were so eager to get to the fried chicken that you couldn't stop to take care of this other important errand. I don't know. Just a theory. As for why she held it back, I guess maybe she didn't think it would be appropriate to laugh when she knew you weren't making a joke.

I think there is a misconception that all psychoanalytic Ts are neutral, blank-faced, walls. Whereas Ts from other orientations would have a heart and express it!

None of my Ts were particularly expressive, yet they were not psychoanalytic/psychodynamic. So, it seems to have more to do with the type of person you are than the type of theoretical branch you subscribe to.

And mine is psychoanalytic and is very expressive!

I suspect it might have to do with many or probably even most therapists having an eclectic approach and generally being less rigid these days. I think that's a good thing - it allows for more variety and variety is often good because it gives people more choices. However, the way many therapists are described doesn't really sound like the way anybody acts in real life, which makes me doubtful that it is solely a result of their personality. I wouldn't call the one I see a blank slate, and she isn't neutral exactly, but she is definitely more impassive and neutral than anyone I have ever met like 95% of the time. That makes me think the way she acts in session is a therapisty facade.

ETA - Also, her FB photos show a very different side of her. She seems a bit goofy, tbh.

I wanted the two I hired to be more neutral. They would both go over the top over acting at the oddest times.

Wow. My psychologist laughs all the time. I usually have a dad joke for him. He jokes around too.
It makes me feel more at ease.