When Therapists tell you that you can't do something

I don't believe ultimatums work in therapy, unless you were in serious and/or imminent danger to yourself (which i get the impression isn't the case here).

It is not collaborative. It is not relational. Instead it is coercion with the 'authority figure' dictating how you should be. I have issues with that and don't believe it is helpful.

Is this guy actually helping you? Or is he making you feel worse with the added pressure and/or guilt trip he is putting square on your shoulders?

I'm not a fan of Pastor T. However, I wouldn't expect to be able to bargain with a therapist to get them to say that it's ok to SH. They might say it's your choice, but I think that's different from bargaining with the client over when it is considered ok to SH. I don't think any therapist would have agreed that it is ok for you to SH on a specific day. They aren't going to agree to something like SH is "okay on Wednesday."

I disagree that a therapist has authority on this. Some therapists have their own boundaries where they won't work with clients if they self harm, but that doesn't mean they have authority over the client. You are a rule-follower, but you don't have to be. I'm not saying I want you to SH. I'm just saying that you are choosing to give Pastor T authority. You don't have to listen to him. You don't even have to tell him if you SH if you don't want to. You are not powerless.

I'm not sure if Pastor T is actually helping me. I do struggle with a lot of guilt anyway. I don't think some of his techniques are going to be helpful to me. I'm not ready to give up on him though. He does challenge me in ways that my other T doesn't and vice versa. If he continues to say "you can't" then I'm going to have to talk to him about it because even if it is a bad choice, its still my choice to make. But right now I'm just trying to take the good stuff he does and sort out the rest of it. My two T's are good with working with each other, although Regular T does say Pastor T is looney and Pastor T says "I can't agree with that" about something Regular T says so it can get a bit confusing at times. But I think they both want what is best for me. I just have to want what is best for me. I think I'm the problem in this equation!

It sounds like you had a really good session with regular t, because this stuff with pastor t is kinda making her "lets review the basics" and i think thats helpful, to like take a fresh, simple look at things.

I think you are right unaluna. It's been a long time since I've had a back to basics session on SH and emotions and stuff like that. She just kind of laid it out there for me in simple terms and positively regarded me and positively reinforced me and got all the crazy making in my head to stop for a while. Although I am fighting the urge to be self-critical today, like really fighting it, I'm also trying to be very self accepting today. I wouldn't go as far as saying self loving or self compassionate. But I am trying actively to be self accepting. Like this is where I am at the moment. This is what I need to work on. I'm not where I was. I'm not where I am going to end up. I'm on the journey and that's okay. And at least at this moment in time, part of me thinks I can make it. So I'm going to go with that for as long as I can.

I have never had a T tell me I could not do something. I dont know how I would handle it. They have encouraged me to try to handle things differently and we brainstormed something that work for me.