[Siennasays]

My T is quiet open with me. She's told me numerous things about her life as we've talked. Today she threw me for a loop though when she asked me if there was anything I'd like to ask her. I pretty much froze and couldn't come up with anything. I had no idea what I was supposed to ask!!
Later in the session she asked me about my sex life and actually used the word "foreplay". This woman is old enough to be my grandmother. She actually might be older than my grandmother!! It was so incredibly uncomfortable that I could only manage to say "uhhhh".
Would you be equally thrown by these questions or am I just completely unopen??

[Salmon77]

I'm not very comfortable talking about sex either, but I have to tell you, foreplay is not exactly a recent invention. Old people know all about it.

[Siennasays]

Hahaha, I know they know it! It's just never something I'd picture coming from my grandma's mouth, so, it weirded me out!

[stopdog]

I would not be thrown but talking about sex is not all that big of a deal to me. Plus therapists do that sort of thing to mess with clients - throw clients off etc.

[ElectricManatee]

I am very comfortable talking about sex in general, but sometimes I cringe when my therapist mentions sex or uses certain words. Other times I don't mind at all. I don't know. Therapy is weird.

In college I used to love watching Talk Sex With Sue Johanson. She is very old, and she knows a lot about sex.

[nottrustin]

I would have not only been thrown for a loop I would have frozen. I am very uncomfortable talking about sex. I have mentioned something quickly about it but we didnt really discuss it further

[Merope]

My T once used a very specific example from his own sex life to get me to talk about mine. The example in question was rather...unconventional. My T is old enough to be my dad, but even so, it didn't really make me feel uncomfortable. I couldn't stop my brain from picturing him in that...err...situation. A week later, I opened up about my own sex life so I guess his strategy worked.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

I feel uncomfortable about the fact she asked you about your sex life before you even mentioned it. That seems inappropriate to me, although perhaps your T comes from another modality or type of therapy that believes in getting information from clients. I know that if my T suddenly asked me about sex and mentioned foreplay I would be horrified and just shut down. I will bring up sex in my own time and way. If you're not comfortable discussing sex with this T, it's perfectly okay to let her know.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Originally Posted by Merope

My T once used a very specific example from his own sex life to get me to talk about mine. The example in question was rather...unconventional. My T is old enough to be my dad, but even so, it didn't really make me feel uncomfortable. I couldn't stop my brain from picturing him in that...err...situation. A week later, I opened up about my own sex life so I guess his strategy worked.

That sounds awful but I can see how it would open up the dialogue around sex. I can't begin to imagine how I'd react if my T (9 year older female) did this, especially as I'm attracted to her. I know I wouldn't get the images out of my head. Thankfully, I feel sure she never would. I'm glad it worked for you though!

[goatee]

I once was doing a 20 minute free first call with a T to see if they would be a good fit and if I should make a first appointment. I was briefly describing one of my main anxiety issues (I hadn’t wanted to, but she had pushed me to). After I finished briefly telling her, she said, “Wow, that must put a real crimp in your sex life!!” and laughed. Needless to say, she was not the right T for me.

[Blueberry21]

My T is 46 year old male, I am 32 year old female.

I remember once mentioning that I had had sex with someone casually - a one-off thing during a really stressful period of time - and he says something like “sometimes these things need to happen in times of stress... it’s like ‘relief sex’... and hopefully you had a really good orgasm!”

I just kind of laughed and moved on, choosing not to comment on the presence or quality of my orgasm.

It was said in a very off-hand way; the whole conversation felt light-hearted, and I wasn’t TOO bothered by it, but it did stay with me. I felt like he probably regretted that phrase about the orgasm as soon as it left his mouth.

We had discussed my ability to orgasm (and sex in general) before, and since, but in an extremely clinical way. This was the only time where I felt like it was perhaps a bit too casual.

OP, I can totally see why you would feel weird in your instance too. I remember having an older female therapist when I was in college - she was probably late 60’s - and I would never have felt I could discuss sex with her; the age gap was just too large at the time (even though of course I wish for her, and anyone at any age, to be open and having a good sex life!). In hindsight I bet she would have been cool with it. Therapists are supposed to be okay with discussing whatever you bring.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart

That sounds awful but I can see how it would open up the dialogue around sex. I can't begin to imagine how I'd react if my T (9 year older female) did this, especially as I'm attracted to her. I know I wouldn't get the images out of my head. Thankfully, I feel sure she never would. I'm glad it worked for you though!

Famous last words as my T HAS now divulged something from her sex life, albeit years ago! Unbelievable timing! However I was discussing something related to my antics at the time.

[Merope]

Wow! Talk about timing haha. I hope it didn’t make you feel too uncomfortable.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Originally Posted by Merope

Wow! Talk about timing haha. I hope it didn’t make you feel too uncomfortable.

Well, I just laughed didn't know how to react. She said something else that wasn't sex per se but provoked more of a reaction in me. Her normally boundaried self was well down today as she's not normally quite so open, albeit she is open to some extent. I'll probably have to think about all this some more as it's revealed a side of her that I didn't know existed. It's not awful or anything, just disconcerting.

[Merope]

Maybe she read this forum...

[Lonelyinmyheart]

That's a worrying thought. Although if she did and recognised me from my posts, I know she would be ethical enough to move on.

[Blueberry21]

Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart

Well, I just laughed didn't know how to react. She said something else that wasn't sex per se but provoked more of a reaction in me. Her normally boundaried self was well down today as she's not normally quite so open, albeit she is open to some extent. I'll probably have to think about all this some more as it's revealed a side of her that I didn't know existed. It's not awful or anything, just disconcerting.

Oh dear, are you ok? How are you doing with processing this?