[Mindtraveller]

I don't feel that my T understands my anxiety. I have tried explaining my experiences and I don't know if I'm not explaining well enough or it's difficult to understand but I feel like she's just not getting it which disappoints me as I thought she would be familiar with this kind of thing from her experience as a T.

I have thought I might write about my experiences and then give it to T to read in the session to see if she understands it better. The problem is I don't know if I trust T enough to give her so much information and in writing at once. I feel like it would make me feel really exposed, especially as I'm not a good writer. I feel like t would be judging me on my writing skills too.

Just wondered if anyone had any advice?

[zoiecat]

I do this once in awhile when there are thoughts I want my T to understand and I can't comfortably express in writing. It allows me the time to really think about what and how I want to say something.

My T doesn't read it out loud unless ai give him permission but he does stop and make comments throughout. He always thanks me when I write like this because it really helps him to get a better understanding of what is going on with me and he likes the fact that I sat down and put my thoughts and feelings on paper.

I inderstand the worry about being vulnerable and judged. My T actually graduated as an Enlish major before going into psychology so it is scary to write something for him and I always fear he will judge my writing. While I am sure he notices grammatical errors because that was his major, I also trust that he is not judging me because his current profession is to help people and not judge. I know he is happy to receive the writing no matter how poorly written it is.

[Omers]

I write a lot to T. It is a lot easier for me to express my authentic self in writing than it is to say things. Much of what I say is scripted. T has never judged my spelling or my writing. I have felt too exposed at times though. He stops reading if I ask.

[Mindtraveller]

Thanks @Omers and @zoiecat.

My T often uses words that are beyond my vocabulary and I have to go and Google after session so I get the impression she has some kind of academic background. This makes me worry even more about her judging my writing so it is reassuring to hear that your T never judges your writing, zoiecat, despite his English major.

Despite my worrying about T judging my writing, it is actually more important to me to get across what I want to say with accuracy and authenticity, so I prefer to write as I would speak, even though this may mean there are grammatical errors. I struggle to write about my thoughts, feelings and experiences in a way that feels genuine and not scripted. Talking is a much easier way for me to do this but I often can't express what I want to in words when I'm put on the spot in session. I'm also constantly aware of the 50 minutes ticking by on the clock, which puts on added pressure to make good use of the time and not dither around trying to find the words.

I sometimes find myself disconnecting emotionally in session under the pressure of the time restraint of therapy or because of a difficult question t has put to me. It happened last session and I tried to explain to t what was happening but she just didn't get it. :-(

[nottrustin]

I have done it once with my current T. I felt like there were things about me that whe didn't understand. It was very beneficial and led to a great conversation

[Omers]

I have also used art when T just was not hearing something the way I needed him to. He mentioned he has other clients that use/bring music as well.

[zoiecat]

Originally Posted by Mindtraveller

Thanks @Omers and @zoiecat.

My T often uses words that are beyond my vocabulary and I have to go and Google after session so I get the impression she has some kind of academic background. This makes me worry even more about her judging my writing so it is reassuring to hear that your T never judges your writing, zoiecat, despite his English major.

Despite my worrying about T judging my writing, it is actually more important to me to get across what I want to say with accuracy and authenticity, so I prefer to write as I would speak, even though this may mean there are grammatical errors. I struggle to write about my thoughts, feelings and experiences in a way that feels genuine and not scripted. Talking is a much easier way for me to do this but I often can't express what I want to in words when I'm put on the spot in session. I'm also constantly aware of the 50 minutes ticking by on the clock, which puts on added pressure to make good use of the time and not dither around trying to find the words.

I sometimes find myself disconnecting emotionally in session under the pressure of the time restraint of therapy or because of a difficult question t has put to me. It happened last session and I tried to explain to t what was happening but she just didn't get it. :-(

I totally get it. I have a professional job and speak well without thinking at work but when I get into session I turn into a bubbling idiot and talk like a child, repeat myself and can't seem to come up with the words. It takes me forever to process what he is saying and express myself. It doesn't help that I am DID and have several others talking to me in my head. Writing it out allows him to know exactly what is going on in my head and use up less session time and prevents me from forgetting things that I wanted to say.

[RosyC]

I’m self conscious about my writing, because I’m just not a great communicator - verbally or otherwise. What helped me was making it incredibly factual, and not particularly descriptive. Also, giving it to the therapist and then leaving the room, and returning after they’ve finished. Or giving it pre or post therapy, to discuss in the next session. That way, I don’t feel the immediate judgement.