Momentum

Since June 2005, I had a T, at least 10. After years of wondering what will break the spell of depression, anxiety, and dissociations I finally get momentum towards recovery. It's only taken 15 years!

I had a session today, and we talked about putting out fires. And even self-sabotage by putting more matches in the kindling. An interesting metaphor for what is happening.

Fire #1: my education to become a counselor and the comment, Is now the right time to finish the degree and can you handle the cases that are in the future

Fire #2: my feelings and lack of relationship with my dad.

There is so much that we discussed it's hard to remember. Shame had been a big trigger for both fires. I also finished a Connections group from Brene Brown's work.

Now tonight I don't want to sleep, because the fires are burning and I'm afraid. I'm trying to sit with the fear, but o find myself wanting to hide or run.

Oh and I keep making mistakes. I'm distracted by everything I do. I need peace.

Hi Puzzclar,

My English is not very good but I find your feelings to be very understandable. I believe I would feel similar to what you are feeling if I was experiencing the same things you are experiencing.

The human brain is so enigmatic. It seems to have a mind of its own sometimes and can trouble or oppress us. I wish I knew what to say to help you find some much needed peace, but sadly I lack such insight and wisdom.

I do very much hope that you find the tranquility you both need and deserve! -- Yaowen