Video session with T

I hate video! But... it is better than no sessions, I am not sure if it is better than a phone session. Anyway, Today T showed me as soon as he called that he took out all the usual things we use and set them up just like he would if I was there. He talked me through the emotions and needs exercise we usually start with and then I asked if he would send a picture of the cards we use. He thought this was a really good idea. The session was real hit or miss as we are trying to find our comfort zones in this new kind of work. Some of the things he did today kinda freaked me out but we were able to talk about them. It feels like all of this is as uncomfortable for him as it is for me. We both have a lot of outside distractions as well.
Seeing as T was OK with taking pictures of the cards I emailed him and asked him if he would send pictures of other parts of his office that are comforting for me. I think he will but he has not responded yet.
All in all I am really glad he is my T. With any of the other T’s I have worked with this would have either ended our work together or been a total disaster as I either was not engaged enough with them or was far too dependent on them. Yes, I miss being held and it is hard talking about the really nasty stuff with out that support available. All in all though I think I am much more stable.
I also had a phone session the end of last week with Pdoc. I have worked with her on and off for 10 years so that’s easier. She can hear a huge difference since I have been working with this T. She is so honestly happy that I have someone I feel safe with and can connect to. In these times she also made a FB page for her practice and is putting out inspirational and supportive type messages on it. I am so very thankful for having such thoughtful people to work with.

Hugs, thanks for the update. I like how your T was trying to show you all the stuff around his office. I hope he'll send you pics. I want to ask my T if I could take a pic/screenshot of him, or if he could take a selfie and send it to me, because his online pics don't look like how he looks now. But I worry it would weird him out. I do have a few photos of his office that I took like a year ago on my phone when he stepped out for a minute to get something (he doesn't know I have those).

I agree that it's better than no sessions. I think for me, the first video session was just really sad because I saw his office and wanted to be there. But today it was more like "OK, this is our new reality. You're still my T, you're still you, I see you." And he joked with me about something, and that really helped. Because it's what we'd do in his office. I feel like this is really weird and awkward for him as well. I know he'd much rather meet in person. But we're both trying to make the best of it. I get the sense it's the same with your T. It's so hard, but we'll get through it... (at least, I keep trying to tell myself that...).

I really want an updated pic of T too! I almost tried to screen capture on FaceTime today but then he changed how he was sitting and he looked different. The picture on his website is about five years old I think. Doesn’t much look like him any more except for the spark in his eyes. I am kind of hoping he may throw an updated picture of himself in his office in when he sees the others I asked for. But... there are much more current pictures of him available online they just aren’t in his office... I did admit to having saved a screen shot of part of his office that is on his web page and having taken pictures of his waiting area... he got a good chuckle out of it. He knows I am harmless I just need my anchors and reminders that things are the same.

Why not ask for an updated picture? I took pictures of L off her website/psychology today page (and fb...). She once posted a picture and then took it down for an newer picture (one that didn't look like her). I asked her for the original one and she sent it to me. I also took pictures of her office off her sites.

If your T is understanding about pictures already, I'm sure he won't mind giving you an updated one.

Even after 15 months of working with T I tend to feel very ashamed of my needs because of previous T’s. He is far more understanding, open minded and flexible but it is still hard for me to trust.
I also don’t trust him not to do something goofy in the picture if he was doing it just for me as opposed to doing it for his web page. Getting me to lighten up and play seems to be one of his primary goals for me right now. I haven’t told him no but he does get a lot of resistance.

OK, I had my second video session today. My therapist said I was by far the calmest client she had worked with all day. She said I helped her. I reminded her that I never panic. The more hysteria and crisis there is around me the calmer I get. She said she knew that about me but didn't really appreciate my trait till today. I was glad to be of service to her. A bit of a role reversal, but I didn't mind. I really didn't have much to talk about anyway. I'm a natural isolator. Being quarantined for 2 weeks is no problem for me. So, we talked about that.

Teletherapy doesn't feel as awful as it did session one. I have another session Thursday. Lets see if this modality grows on me. In practical terms I should love it. I never have to leave my home. There are months when the only reason I leave my apartment is to see my therapist or psychiatrist. Now I see her on video and talk to him on the phone. I never have to see a single person in real life. I could get used to this.

LT and Omers, I'd ask for a picture/selfie if I were you. When I saw my T in person the last two times, about a month ago, I was freaking out a lot about possibly not being able to see him for a long time. I had wanted to ask for a picture for a long time, at least two years, but I never felt comfortable actually asking for it. But since I was so freaked out, I didn't really care anymore whether I felt comfortable and just asked.

I have always felt like my T would probably say no, I'm not sure why. But he actually said yes, the first time he made a comment about not having prepared for this, but he also said I could take more the next time if the first batch didn't turn out well enough (which I did).

Right now, the few pictures I have of him as well as my session notes help me a great deal, it makes me feel more connected to him.

Thanks, CNS. I suppose it couldn't hurt to ask him, if I'm prepared for a "no." I could even present it as "If you say no, I completely understand, but I'd like to ask you for something." Maybe he'd feel comfortable taking and texting me a selfie, because that way he'd have control of what it looked like. I mean, my other option would be taking a screenshot on the computer (or doing Facetime and taking one on my phone), like, "OK, say cheese!" but I don't know how that would go and how weird it would be.

In all fairness I do have more current pictures of T he just isn’t in his office so I guess that is why I don’t have enough urgency to ask.