Fears about our T's getting sick

I would not react like the leaning on thing like this at all. I am not "on the spectrum" but if my partner was going on about something like the virus - I wouldn't think hug -if my partner was more worried than I was - I probably would not understand why they were. If they asked, then I would hug them, but I am not a mind reader. I wouldn't consider obtuse or disinterest really - just more not my way of being. And why does the other person's way of being take precedence over mine? Particularly if someone is usually worked up or worried about something or other? For me, I would just put it in the category of X is just being X and go on with what I was thinking about.

My spouse and I both have personal challenges that can affect a close relationship (depression with a side of anxiety for me, ADHD -- also inattentive type for her). Early on, we both recognized that we each had to do as much as we could to treat/mitigate our conditions and then we could accept or try to help each other with whatever was still causing problems beyond what the treatment helped.

I do agree that you can't always expect your spouse to comfort you or drop everything when you are upset. But it kind of seems like your H isn't very predictable in offering a baseline level of caring. I don't think a hug or listening to your anxiety about a global emergency is too much to ask. And I think that unpredictability probably makes your anxiety worse and heightens your shame/discomfort about being anxious in the first place. He's basically doing what it sounds like your parents did, which in my opinion is going to exacerbate the problems created by your childhood.

Obviously we're all going to have different preferences or comfort levels with how we interact emotionally in a relationship. I think that's great as long as both people are on board. It just doesn't seem like you and your H are communicating well and getting both your needs met.

It might not be too much to ask if it was actually asked for and if it wasn't constant. I have been with people who were, for me, just too needy. I am fairly upfront about how I am - but surprisingly enough - people don't take my word for it and then get upset with me when I don't change who I said I was and who they know me to be. For me, being asked to listen to anxiety over a crisis I can't do anything about would be too much for me to do more than once or twice.

SD, you and I are probably never meant to be together.

Thats because we are!

I agree - just not in the stars.

Yeah, some. He's older and has a few health complications — nothing cardiac or pulmonary, I don't think — but Lyme disease.

I try not to think about it though as I work in a psych hospital in MA that while not at the tip of the spear for this whole thing, we're definitely getting our usual psych admissions plus people who have signs coming in or while here that get them transferred to our North unit which has become ground zero for coronavirus with isolation rooms, negative air pressure, full PPE etc.

I asked T if he is alive and he said

As far as I know

Hmm.... same.

I like your T's sense of humour, jDNA. Take care.

I do have this fear. I have not discussed it with her because I know it is not so much about her as it is about how I lost l on ng term T and fear losing her. I fear something fear happening when she is on vacation, ii hear about tragic xar accidents in her town. etc. Last fall I brought up my fears of something happening to her. Both she and her husband are working from home so and other than her daily run she is not leaving her house. So I know she is unlikely to get sick right now.