Couch 214: The chihiro couch

Hi couch.

Please wish me luck.

Had a family argument with Dad. He threatened violence to a sibling and I stepped in. He threatened to kick me out but me and T think it's bark and no bite. I have a place to go if he physically kicks me out. But I'm waiting because I rather the extended family come down on him.

I emailed a family violence center in my country to see what my options are. Please wish me luck. I'm terrified.

Good luck, QM. Please stay safe.

Hugs, QM. I hope you can stay safe. I'm glad you have a place to go if needed.

HUGS QM, I hope everything will be okay. Please stay safe.

I agree @@ your courses always sound interesting. The plagues one is one I would want to take!

I've been at work an hour and a half and have as of now run out of work. I imagine some work will come across my desk throughout the day. Otherwise it's going to be a long day. Oh well, plenty of time to analyze my thoughts. My Pastor T wants me to take stock of my thoughts and try to think positively if I am thinking negatively. I'm one of those people who find it difficult to know what I am thinking about so this is a hard exercise. But two times a days I'm supposed to stop and analyze my thoughts. Then if I can, what feelings I am having due to the thoughts. Sheesh. Gotta love CBT.

My 10 year old is having a rough afternoon and so I'm on high alert now. Trying to ensure he stays safe and it doesn't escalate farther.

HUGS @SheHulk07

Hello are you my flashcards? I like your analogies.

My bathroom is fubar'd. I think there's raw sewage on the floor. I called Roto-Rooter and they're coming, but I'm feeling overwhelmed at the moment. I don't think there are any hotels open that I could go stay at. Ugh.

Ugh, I'm sorry, NP. I hope they can fix it. I would think there would have to be some sort of hotel option for people in that situation.

I was mistaken. Hotels are open, thankfully.

It smells in here even though I have multiple windows and the front door open. I wonder if this is unhealthy.

I can't imagine it is healthy, are you able to go to a hotel I hope? that sounds awful.

The drain people will be here in 30 minutes or so. I'm not sure how clean I feel at the moment and how gross my bathroom must be. I may go to a hotel anyway. I called one I've stayed at before and there is definitely no we're-desperate-for-business rate going on.

I don't know if I will have time for my session tomorrow with all this crap going on. I was feeling highly sui yesterday and could use the extra support from him right now. I feel so stupid. I should have taken care of this Monday when the bathtub drained water all over my floor. I'm pathetic for not getting basic stuff done.

In other news, best discussion post title ever: "The Sun is a Poo Ball".

Son ended up being relatively okay after like 30 minutes.
I feel especially bad for him for this covid stuff. He is going into middle school so their annual 5th grade overnight field trip and their continuation was canceled. Thinking about getting him some balloons and maybe his favorite dinner when he ends his last day in 2 weeks. It's not much but I want to recognize him someway

Snake drain guy is here working - ~$550

Sanitation guy is coming around 10 pm. Wonder how much that's gonna be. But at least it looks like I won't have to go to a hotel tonight which is super nice.

Feeling anxious with all these people in my house though. I hope they're not judging me for my dysfunction. I could really use a drink about now.

Now I'm feeling triggered because this is reminding me of all the activity in my house after the fire. Sorry for hogging the couch tonight. I'm stressed.

QM, please stay safe.

NP, that sounds awful. I'm so sorry. You are absolutely not pathetic. Your bathroom broke, that's all. If the people who get paid to fix broken bathrooms are judgmental of people with broken bathrooms they're stupid jerks.

I hope you can get away to a hotel, just to get a break, and I especially hope you're able to go to your session.

I took some moon pics and then promptly fell asleep out in my backyard for a little bit. I so love photographing the moon. I would so love to buy a telescope that I can attach my camera to for astrophotography. someday

I guess I should state that my dysfunction is not the broken bathroom, although it is because I've known for a while now that I should get something looked at in there and didn't, but it's the rest of my house. I've been back in my house since November 2017 and I still haven't unpacked 97% of the boxes. My kitchen is a mess of dirty dishes and weird places to store canned goods because one of my cabinets triggered me and I haven't convinced myself to put my food back in there yet. I know, that sounds stupid. My master bedroom is obviously unlived in because I'm still sleeping in the guest room. A couple of weeks ago during a Zoom session, I showed my therapist just the room I sleep/live in and felt so ashamed afterwards. It was pretty intense and even though I want to show him the rest of the house and where the fire happened, he's not sure it's a good idea because I had such a strong reaction to showing him one room. Just having three separate guys in my house tonight was pretty intense, not only because of the shame, but because of the trauma reminders. And having them show up in my bedroom doorway to talk to me was also triggering of my H berating me from that same spot. And at the same time, this is the most interaction with human beings I've had in almost two months. It was very taxing. But they've sanitized my bathroom for which I paid $500 for about 20 minutes of work on top of the other $550 I paid for snaking the drain and they're all gone. I may let the other plumber that I already scheduled for tomorrow come just to make sure there are no other issues and I probably need to hire someone to see if there is any flooring/drywall water damage that needs to be repaired. The joys of home ownership I guess. I hope I can see my therapist in person tomorrow because I feel like I need to unpack all these triggers that got activated tonight.