Couch 214: The chihiro couch

Andy Serkis is reading The Hobbit live today. Search The Hobbitathon on Youtube. Rather delightful. He's in the 4th chapter right now. Almost to "Riddles in the Dark" if you want to see him in full Gollum mode.

Hugs, NP, that all sounds really difficult. It makes sense that it was triggering, and I hope you're able to see T today. Is it possible that homeowner's insurance could cover some of the cost of repairs? I guess depends on what your deductible is. (I'm not entirely sure how that works--we live in a townhouse that we own, but only have renter's insurance because the actual physical structure of the house is covered as part of our condo fees.)

Hugs, I'm glad he was OK. Seems like he just needed a bit of space to himself for a bit. That's sad about missing out on 5th-grade stuff. Makes me think of high school seniors missing prom and graduation...

Thanks, Artley - I thought that was tomorrow!

NP, that sounds like the effects of debilitating PTSD. Believe me, there is no personal or moral failing involved in having been traumatized.

Yeah. (Except for the "should" part...you don't HAVE to share f-all with us or anyone else.) And so much YES to what EM posted above. I am so genuinely wowed by how much courage it must've taken to share that with your t. Brave. And that you're sharing it here where you will be met with compassion.

The bathroom guys? They're getting paid to fix the bathroom. If they judge, f 'em.

Thankfully, they were all very nice and professional even though their tromping up and down my hallway was triggering to me. I remember one night while I was trying to sleep my husband kept stomping up and down the hallway in heavy boots and I felt like he was doing it on purpose to keep me awake. And I definitely see the state of my house as a personal failing. I should just get my **** together and take care of things, but I haven't.

I wonder if it would be easier to record a video tour of my house on my phone to share with my therapist vs doing it live via Zoom. I know what upset me so much about showing him my bedroom is because it felt very vulnerable, like showing him a different level of me. I've been plenty vulnerable with him, but it's in his office, and it just feels different. I don't know what I'm trying to say here. It was like being seen too honestly. It felt pretty terrible after the fact. But I also feel like we need to push on and see the rest of the house as well.

NP, I don't mean to pry, but has your T asked to see the parts of your house that you haven't used for teletherapy?
I'm wondering whether it's something you're doing more for his benefit than yours, and you really need to be your priority at the moment.

When all this started he brought it up saying that clients were showing him their homes and that it was something that couldn't normally happen and he found it insightful. But I had already been considering taking a video tour and sending it to him, so the idea was already on my radar. It originally came up because my mother was wanting to visit and I wanted some outside perspective on how mentally unwell my house would make me look. I didn't realize that by actually showing him, that maybe he'd think I was a lot more mentally unwell than he already thinks I am and that made me feel really vulnerable. And I'd also like to show him where the fire happened.

Dr. T has now seen, I guess, 3 rooms in my house. I think it's given him a little insight--like seeing the basement setup with my D's trampoline, slide, and rings, but also how our basement is quite small, so some of the things he suggests wouldn't fit there. Or my D's crayon/marker drawings that we've left on the wall. Or piles of laundry. I showed him the guinea pigs, too. But I'm also not showing him the mess surrounding me in some rooms--well, he can see laundry piled up in hampers in bedroom or in the basement, but not all the stuff piled in the living room, for the most part. I do wonder what he'd think if I showed him all of it.


So I understand both your desire to show him and also your trepidation, NP. I do think prerecording it could help. But then, maybe if you just showed him one area then talked through it as you did, that could also help. Like starting with a less scary area at first.

Ugh, we keep getting emails from my D's teachers about "this assignment isn't done yet--need to submit by Sunday!" She apparently has to do 50% of the work to pass. It's a struggle to get her to do considerably less than that. Reminders are stressing me out. I really need to find out if she can get any other accommodations beyond stuff being due Sunday instead of Friday (it's posted throughout the week, though some things are apps she can do whenever). Both H and I are working, though mine I can fit in whenever (his is more he has to be available at certain times thorughout day for meetings). It's more D resisting doing work with us, though she'll work with the special educator she meets with 20 minutes a day. She's in 2nd grade and on the spectrum. Can't they just give us more of a break? Yes, I know 50% doesn't sound like much, but you haven't seen some of these assignments...and it's stuff like art and music and all that, too, along with the regular reading and math, plus science and social studies. We're also in an area where many kids are nonnative English speakers--I imagine this is even more of a challenge for them and their parents...

I would not have wanted the woman I hired to invade my space. I would not have shown her my house because it would have felt incredibly intrusive to me.

I "saw" T1 today. I wasn't looking forward to it because I knew him and my CPS caseworker finally had talked. They had been playing phone tag but my caseworker told me Wednesday that they were finally supposed to connect yesterday, so I knew it was going to happen. T1 wants me to consider the in home therapy services like my son has based on his talk with my caseworker instead of IOP. Now he wants me to ask the caseworker if it's available to me. My son's therapist is supposed to be the one to coordinate that but last I heard they were seeing if there's therapist availability. T1 didn't say anything about dropping me as a client if I do this service. He said something about it would be helpful instead of just seeing him once a week. Which I don't know if he'll want me to do just that or do him and that program.

He also said he's going to make note of some things I said today . Which may be just to cover his self, but it was a weird comment that I've never heard any of T ever tell me.

I'm still seeing T2 and I think I'd continue to see him with the in home if T1 drops me. If not, I'd probably drop T2. I want something not directly related to our CPS involvement.

Sorry I know I keep mentioning this, it's confusing and frustrating for me. I'm trying to do everything CPS is 'recommending' to not lose custody of my kids. I only have 2 weeks left of my DV groups so at least that's completed like I was asked to do.

That sounds really difficult, LT. Maybe summer school could be an option? I don't really know how that works. I wonder if she could focus her energy on a few subjects to pass before school gets out, and if there could be some way for her to do the others over the summer. Sort of break it up.

I have baked several loaves of sourdough bread, some muffins, and a banana bread today. Now I have to go deliver to friends.

SheHulk, re: his "make note" comment. He could be thinking about service entrance criteria for this in home service. I believe you have Medicaid? I worked in an agency that provided Medicaid mental health services, and suicidal ideation was certainly something that would be included on requests for authorization. We had a few services that were community based. In my state, you wouldn't be allowed to enroll in what they call "enhanced" services that include a therapist and also have an outpatient therapist. I don't think there was technically a rule about it, it's just that enhanced services that already include therapy cannot be billed concurrently with outpatient therapy. So someone would need to be discharged from the enhanced service before they could receive OPT.

Lucky friends, SD. Did you make your own starter or get a mix? I've thought about making my own starter, but it takes like a week and I tend to lose interest in things that require too much patience.

My TV is broken. This sucks.

I feel like I need a laugh but my sense of humor is MIA.

Thanks for your input. I wonder if that something to do with it. I do know the referral for in home is coming from CPS. In my state I know you can do both and Medicaid will pay for it as long as it's not done on the same day. Which is nice because it allows me to see someone more than once a week.

Thanks, Susannah. Good to see you around the forum! Hope you're doing OK. She's actually supposed to do a county-sponsored summer school program for social skills, but I imagine that will either be canceled or online, too

I've had it with Zoom therapy. So Info and I are on a break till she gets back to the office sometime in June. By then she should be in full summer fashion mode.

I'm not sure why it went so badly with her. I had probably 8-10 Skype sessions with No. 3 and they went much better. Probably something about connection. Or maybe I have to use Zoom for work so much I really dislike using it for something more personal like therapy.

I'm starting to get emails from businesses that earlier wrote me about "How we're dealing with COVID-19" that now are about "How we're reopening in a way to keep you safe from COVID-19." I have to say, even if everything opened up tomorrow, and even though I do want to go to a restaurant, it's still going to be a while before I'll be willing to eat food some stranger prepared*. I haven't ordered take-out since this started.

*(Unless, of course, stopdog drops off some bread.)

I have been getting carry out from local restaurants. Mostly because I am not that good at Vietnamese cooking or Indian - and those are needs - not wants.

Lucky friends! I baked today too, Italian Batter Bread from Bernard Clayton's Bread Book. It's very simple ingredients and has a lovely, crunchy crust that is perfect for dipping in warm marinara sauce. Yum.

We've been getting carry out about once a week from our favorite little Mexican restaurant, will probably get it this weekend for Mother's day.

I did make my own starter. I like that sort of thing. The harder part for me is that I am really not much of a baker. I make bread but sour dough is a bit of a challenge to use and otherwise I really don't like baking sweets.