Do you ask your therapist how they are?

No but I'm terrible at small talk and anyhow I've always been anxious that T wouldn't tell me.

Of course.

Yes, sort of. More often than not I have a general idea before I even get to his office. Which car he has, where/how it is parked, how late he is running... by the time we get into the office I have a pretty good idea. A lot of times he will just share because he knows it helps me to know where he is. If he doesn’t but is obviously in a good space I just leave it. If something seems off though I absolutely ask how he is, how his weekend went or what’s going on with him. If something is “off” with him, even if he “puts it away” before session, I still pick up on it and no matter how well session goes I often still end up triggering. Before we did this I triggered a lot and when we would really get into it what “upset” me were things like his truck being dirty, the carpet being swept differently or his wearing glasses instead on contacts. It wasn’t conscious at all but any change from him I saw as imminent abandonment. Now he just shares in the beginning and if the feelings come up I can tell myself what’s really going on... like a few weeks ago “remember, his car was in the shop over the weekend, he picked it up coming to work and didn’t have time to wash it”.
Or last week “remember, it was the stingy mulch guy this weekend and the weather was bad so his weekend got all messed up”

No he just asks what's on my mind today and he shares stories that relate and get me thinking differently. I like his talk therapy. Though online its3hard especially if we both talk at the same time.

Yes, regularly. I ask because I care. I also ask because her reply tells me, to some extent, what direction therapy will go in for that session. I also ask about her garden, and little pleasantries. She's quite open.

Now, my pdoc- I have to be more cautious with her. Sometimes I ask how she is and she'll get icy and even snappish. On one of her friendlier days she tells me she's taking her dog for a walk after work and will be eating a salad for dinner.

I don't. I wouldn't expect them to say anything other than they're fine, how am I? I don't plan on answering that question with anything other than "I'm doing well" when I start my practice. My clients don't need to know that I'm struggling or whatever.

edited for clarity.

I wouldn't ask -but not just saying Fine as a response to a client asking seems like another power play on the part of the therapist.
Ways Therapists May Use Positional Power
Right to ask questions: Therapists’ roles give them the right to ask questions but not necessarily to answer questions. This discrepancy elevates therapists’ power compared to their clients.
Maintain anonymity: The fact that most therapists know much more about their clients than the reverse gives them a significant power advantage. “Unknown” therapists can easily become mysterious and powerful in the eyes of their clients....
Power in Psychotherapy and Counseling Including Issues of Undue Influence, offered by Zur Institute, Inc.

But this is how therapy is set up. It’s 100% about the client. If a therapist were to truly answer a question of yours’ you run the risk of them cutting into YOUR therapy time.
Does is tip the power scale?
Make it one-sided?
YES.
Again, because that’s what therapy is. That is the service you are paying for. I’ve said this a million times — therapists are NOT your friends. It’s not their job to tell you about their life, text you (for no reason) between sessions etc...
Stopdog, (respectfully) you seem to have such a deep rooted hatred for psychologists. Is there anything about the field that appeals to you? If not, isn’t it hard being part of an online site specifically geared toward therapy/ therapists?

My T does answer my questions, at least all the ones I have asked so far. He actually discloses more than what I ask for. He has also given me access to another source of personal information about him that I can access on my own time so as not to cut into my session time. He has stated that he does not do this with all of his clients but that as he slowly disclosed more, lowering the power imbalance, I felt safer, disclosed more and therapy became significantly more effective. This isn’t true for a lot of people who really need for T to be that “blank slate” for them to do their work or need that “Dr” “patient” dynamic to feel safe. I have also worked with some T’s who needed the power imbalance so that they felt safe. Thankfully current T has done enough of his own work that he doesn’t need that.
My T is very clear... we have a relationship, a very real, very personal relationship AND I am your doctor, specifically your psychologist and as your doctor there are specific boundaries placed on the relationship. Those boundaries do not make the relationship or the feelings between us any less real or valid they only limit how we are able to act on those feelings.

That is such a good point, Omers.

I often find that stopdogs comments on things come from an almost polar opposite place than mine and yet one I can deeply relate to from past experience. There is a lot to be gained and shared here and an endless variety of opinions on T’s. Personally I don’t know what anyone else gets out of being here but I am glad you are here stopdog (even if you don’t care).

A client can also refuse to answer a question or change the subject with many therapists. The theraputic relarionship I have had with my Ts has always been set up where I can say I want to change the subject or tell them I donot want to answer the question. They are always accepting of that and we immediately change the subject.

Neither of my Ts have ever refused to answer a question. I have asked some persom things about subjects that have arisen and I jave told them I understand if they don't want to answer

That’s wonderful.

I understand it is how they set up the game - I was only pointing out it is a power play.

Okay, fair enough. However, in your opinion what should a therapeutic relationship look like? What would balance out the so-called power play?

I do ask... especially during this planedemic.