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#1
May 24, 2020, 11:38 AM
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How many times can you refresh your email in an hour befor it explodes or sends you some snarky automated message to get a life?
When T switched to teletherapy because of the pandemic he talked about how much more exhausting it is for him. In that conversation I brought up how much more needy I have been because of the isolation. I told T that while I appreciate his replies I do not feel entitled to replies between sessions or even that he read emails between sessions. T said how they helped him keep up with me between sessions because without them I can sometimes seem like I am jumping all over the place haphazardly. The following week T replied to one email and has not replied to any since. I am still really needy and sending a lot more than I usually would. This has been a super crappy week between issues with H, a sick cat and another one of our cats passing away. I told T if I needed a reply I would tell him and I haven’t said I needed a reply. I also know the “rule” is if I need a timely response or it is an emergency I need to call and I haven’t done that either. I’m in a pretty bad space with depression and anxiety but neither are to a point I would classify them as an emergency that can’t wait until session Tuesday... it isn’t like I don’t know what he is going to say and I know he doesn’t have a magic wand. So... I have sent way too many emails this week (my judgement not his) and I am obsessively refreshing my email hoping for a reply. I’ve also binged on both the link he gave me that has some public info about him outside of work and another source. I did find out that he is doing some good self care this weekend and that made me happy/relieved for a bit.   Is anyone else getting super clingy with their T during this social isolation stuff? Or it might be that I am getting close to opening up some BIG stuff with him that I haven’t worked on before... Ugh. I hate being so needy.
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There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
 chihirochild, downandlonely, LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail
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#2
May 24, 2020, 11:42 AM
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I can relate, Omers. This sucks in so many different ways.
Even when we get back to 'normal', it won't be normal normal...and I pre-emptively hate that. I have definitely felt more vulnerable during this isolation stuff....and I hate being so doggone dependent on her.
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'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| downandlonely, Omers
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 Omers
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#3
May 24, 2020, 11:44 AM
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I guess if he's doing self care then maybe he has his email notifications off to not get distracted. I'm sure he'd get back to you if you called
My T goes on retreats, and he says he will be unavailable at those times. They can't be ok to deal with us unless they have some time to themselves. But yes, I feel very clingy, I just haven't been reaching out to my T because I don't feel like I deserve it. |
| downandlonely, Omers
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| LonesomeTonight, Omers
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#4
May 24, 2020, 11:57 AM
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Hugs, Omers, sorry about your cat. Maybe he's trying to hold to not replying unless you say you need one? Could you maybe send him something saying you would really like a reply, even if it's not so much that you need one? Do you mainly just want to know he's read your emails? If so, you could just ask that, like, "I don't need a long reply, just want to know that you've read them and are still there" or something like that.
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| Omers
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#5
May 24, 2020, 12:50 PM
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I know there was a family discussion not too long ago about Sunday’s being for rest. Obviously with him being a T there is, I assume, some flex for emergencies. I don’t see this as an emergency so I wouldn’t call today, I might cave and call tomorrow.
If I had to guess I would say he has read all the emails except the most recent (which mentions the passing of the cat). Typically something like that he will reply to even if I do not ask for a reply... he has kind of caught on that I am a crazy cat lady and my most important relationships are with my cats right now. Where he was off doing self care I know he does not get notifications, at least not reliably. A while back when he was busy with just life he would reply to my emails with just an emoji or two... like the hug or thumbs up... I may see if he would go back to that. And he may just honestly be too exhausted and REALLY need this time. I screen shot pics of him when we did video therapy and I have some other public pictures of him... you can see a change in his eyes in the past six months. He also doesn’t think he is being much of a therapist to me recently but more of just a social support so that may be part of it too.
__________________
There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
| downandlonely, LonesomeTonight, MissUdy
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| LonesomeTonight
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#6
May 24, 2020, 01:02 PM
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I should also add, I’m in Indiana and while the 500 got postponed this is still a car weekend and, well, T is a guy
 I don’t know if he is into any of the local sports obsessions but I know it can be dangerous out here, especially for guys, if you aren’t into the 500, the Brickyard, Colts and/or Pacers... our baseball team isn’t popular so you don’t need to be into baseball (confusing for a NYer)... but cars, football and basketball are all really big here.Personally I will stick to my garden and discussions with T over copious amounts of mulch.
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There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
| LonesomeTonight
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#7
May 24, 2020, 01:07 PM
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Sorry about your cat, Omers.
I have also been a bit needy lately. The therapist I see does not do email, but I've been sending texts on a daily basis. I just get this strong compulsion to make contact. I don't really know why. Might have something to do with not feeling like I'm ok and needing to acknowledge in some way to somebody that things aren't right with me. The person in my personal life that I would usually make such disclosures to basically told me I was being a burden and she did not want me to seek support from her (although it seems like she still expects me to provide emotional support to her). So I feel like I have to pretend everything's coming up roses except with the therapist.
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Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
| chihirochild, downandlonely, LonesomeTonight, Omers
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| Omers
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#8
May 24, 2020, 01:17 PM
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Thanks Susannahsays,
Yeh, H is the only other person I have to talk to in my life right now and he has made it clear that the things I am currently struggling with are not welcome in the house... he will get me a bus ticket if I “bring them in the house”. But he too expects me to care for all of his physical and emotional needs seeing as he is the only one working...
__________________
There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
| downandlonely, LonesomeTonight
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#9
May 24, 2020, 01:35 PM
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Quote:
Wow, that's an awful thing to tell you... 
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| Omers
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| Omers
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#10
May 24, 2020, 02:08 PM
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Quote:
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#11
May 24, 2020, 02:37 PM
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I’m from The Albany area. The people I grew up with were all baseball/softball people. I didn’t really know there were other professional sports until I moved to IN and it was all football and basketball.
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There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
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#12
May 24, 2020, 04:00 PM
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Quote:
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#13
May 24, 2020, 04:42 PM
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Yes I was in the same situation. She gave me her email during the pandemic, and I was starting to get too clingy. I was sending way too many emails. Sometimes 3 a day. She’d respond if she felt like she needed to or if I asked. I finally had enough and I didn’t like that I was becoming too dependent on her and also she was pissing me off in sessions. So I deleted her email address. I figured I did fine without emailing her before the pandemic, I can handle not emailing her now. I’m also thinking she must have about 30 other clients beside me and her world does not revolve around me and my problems and my emails.
I also have a couple of sick cats too.
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"Good morning starshine.... the earth says hello"- Willy Wonka |
| downandlonely, hopealwayz, LonesomeTonight, Omers
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#14
May 24, 2020, 06:29 PM
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I’ve sent an email almost daily this week. T understands I don’t have anyone that I can talk to and that is a big part of it.
I think we might be on the verge of opening a really huge Pandora’s box... I have tried to give T the heads up but in my gut I don’t think he really gets it. But... I don’t want to make a big deal of it and then be wrong about how important and big I thought it was going to be.
__________________
There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
| downandlonely, hopealwayz, LonesomeTonight
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#15
May 25, 2020, 11:45 AM
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Well, 10,564 refreshes later and I guess I have to realize that T is actually REALLY taking a weekend off.
He needs it badly, he deserves it, I’m proud of him... ...I’m still over here refreshing...
__________________
There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
| chihirochild, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#16
May 25, 2020, 12:33 PM
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Quote:
It could be that he is taking the weekend off, especially with today being a holiday. It would be good if he let you know that though. Dr. T turned off his email notifications from last Friday afternoon to last Saturday night, without any warning or out of office. Of course I'd emailed him Friday afternoon about something that had bothered me in session...He always replies within 24 hours (unless he's traveling, even then usually), so I ended up texting him Saturday night with "Is everything OK?" Meaning, not just with the therapeutic relationship, but also making sure he wasn't in the hospital or something. He replied quickly and said he'd write back to the email right then. That's where he said he'd decided he needed "a break from his practice" for a day. And I wasn't the only one who'd emailed him. He realized in retrospect that he should have put on some sort of out-of-office (or given warning ahead of time) and that he would do so if he opted to do that again. You said you have session tomorrow, right? |
| Lemoncake
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#17
May 25, 2020, 12:35 PM
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Quote:
 One thing I found helpful was to write out a "reply" from T on paper myself. I would also mark older emails as unread and flag them so that they could stay at the top of my inbox.
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| ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, Omers
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#18
May 25, 2020, 01:52 PM
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Yeh, I see him tomorrow I’m just being a big baby.
Thanks Lemoncake, he has his own folder so I have been trying to find the replies to similar emails... I think I need a secretary
__________________
There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
| LonesomeTonight
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#19
May 25, 2020, 02:03 PM
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Quote:
Hope your session tomorrow goes well.
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| Omers
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#20
May 25, 2020, 03:12 PM
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#21
May 25, 2020, 04:27 PM
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I don't think you're being a baby either. I have an "L" folder too where I have almost 7 years of emails saved (I didn't have her email until the end of year 1) and I go back and read some of them often. They're good reminders. I really should take the time to print them all out and put them in a binder. |
| LonesomeTonight
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| LonesomeTonight, Omers
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