[Calla lily12]

I think I'm being gaslighted by my therapist. I'm so scared and angry. I'm not sure what to do since I am inpatient at the moment.
All I know is that all of this makes me feel extremely suicidal.

[Out There]

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Can you share what you feel is happening to have some objective input ?

[SlumberKitty]

I'm sorry you are struggling. HUGS Kit

[malika138]

Is your T allowed to contact you while you are inpatient? During my inpatient stays I was not permitted contact with my T. I realize this isn't always feasible, but is there anyone at the inpatient facility that you feel like you could talk to about why maybe your T isn't contacting you? Sorry if I am misreading here...

[Calla lily12]

After seeing me outpatient since Nov. He said he is not my doctor. I don't know what he wants from me. He told me something totally different just last week.

[malika138]

oh, sorry to hear that. There was one hospitalization in which T was permitted to contact me, and it was during that visit that she terminated with me. But I didn't want to discourage you by mentioning that in my earlier post. It was devastating. Maybe I am not helping. It was challenging but I then found a better therapist. As part of your discharge, the facility should help you set up interviews with new, and potentially better, therapists. I did a lot of journaling during that time - or just angrily scribbling on a page.

[Taylor27]

Hugs im so sorry you are feeling this way

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by Calla lily12

After seeing me outpatient since Nov. He said he is not my doctor. I don't know what he wants from me. He told me something totally different just last week.

If you are inpatient and trying to contact your outpatient therapist (is he a psychiatrist?), what he may be saying is you are under the care of whatever therapists and psychiatrists are treating you inpatient and he cannot involve himself currently in your treatment. They generally don't want to step on each others' toes.

[here today]

From your recent posts, it sounds like you and the T had been having some difficulties anyway. So, it may be be best just to start fresh with some of the therapists, doctors, and other support people who you may find in the hospital? I understand it is extremely upsetting to feel gaslighted -- possibly abandoned, now, too? -- by your last T. But hopefully you will find some other people in the hospital you can relate to -- other patients, maybe also, as well as the staff.

[Calla lily12]

That's what I thought he was doing...terminating with me. My T also treats me in the hospital. He wants me to begin psychoanalysis with him 2 to 4 times a week, once I get out of here.

[Calla lily12]

The thing is, the intense psychoanalysis is really helping me. I don't want to give that up. If I see him as much as he reccomends, that will add up to $1800 a month! He assured me he wasn't terminating with me ,but he thinks it's necessary to meet more often.

[Calla lily12]

I came right out and asked him what he wanted from me. I.told him I felt pulled in different directions. He explained that he thinks it necessary to have psychoanalysis, but is also concerned about the money involved.

[unaluna]

Why does he think you are made of money? Is there something wrong with his thinking?!

[SlumberKitty]

Wow, $1800 a month is a lot. That’s a whole lot of money.

[NP_Complete]

I go three times a week and am not spending near that much money per month. Is he willing to cut his fee to make that feasible for you?

[susannahsays]

I would find another therapist. Psychoanalysis isn't the only option. Of course, an analyst will want you to have an analysis. But you don't know how long it will take and if it will actually resolve your issues in the long run. And $1,800/month is $21,600/year - plus, I've never heard of an analysis only taking one year. It sounds like this isn't a feasible option for you, so I would accept that and move on. Wishing for what can't be for a prolonged period and trying to make it happen anyway will only cost you more money.

ETA: Not to be harsh, but if the intense analysis is helping you so much, why are you inpatient? Is it really the best investment you could be making?

[SlumberKitty]

Wow, $21,600...wow!

[Calla lily12]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I would find another therapist. Psychoanalysis isn't the only option. Of course, an analyst will want you to have an analysis. But you don't know how long it will take and if it will actually resolve your issues in the long run. And $1,800/month is $21,600/year - plus, I've never heard of an analysis only taking one year. It sounds like this isn't a feasible option for you, so I would accept that and move on. Wishing for what can't be for a prolonged period and trying to make it happen anyway will only cost you more money.

ETA: Not to be harsh, but if the intense analysis is helping you so much, why are you inpatient? Is it really the best investment you could be making?

Not harsh at all...It's a vaild question. Memories and pieces of memories are .sneaking back in and I'm unable to deal with them safely as an outpatient. He has given me a break in cost. He's lowered it to $275, but seeing him 3 times a week will break the bank. The reason I see him is that I have never found a therapist who can almost "see inside my head." He's top in his field. I was amazed when I first met him; how he can read people. I'm lucky to have him. I realise it sounds silly, but I've been to many therapists over many years, I've tried every medication, and ECT with little improvement . After seeing him for a short time, I noticed a greater understanding of why I am the way I am and the issues in my family. I'm not sure what I'll do, but I will find a way to afford him at least 2x a week.
Thank you all for your comments and caring.

[susannahsays]

If you have become destabilized as a result of working with him, that is not a good thing. If he has somehow encouraged you to let down defenses that have previously kept these memories at bay, he should have prioritized providing you with the resources and coping skills you would need to deal with them first. It sounds more like he's been some sort of wrecking ball. Yeah, maybe tearing down your house gives you clarity to see the foundation, but now you're homeless. Not only that, but he has you convinced that he's the only builder in town that can help you rebuild.

[Salmon77]

$275/session sounds really high to me. He doesn't take insurance? Maybe you could ask him to come down to something you could afford? Have you cleared up the issue in the OP?

TBH I've read that psychoanalysis is not the best treatment for very acute cases, like someone who is actively suicidal or schizophrenic, because it is such a slow process. It might be better to wait and work towards being in a more stable place, and then get into analysis.

[Calla lily12]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

$275/session sounds really high to me. He doesn't take insurance? Maybe you could ask him to come down to something you could afford? Have you cleared up the issue in the OP?

TBH I've read that psychoanalysis is not the best treatment for very acute cases, like someone who is actively suicidal or schizophrenic, because it is such a slow process. It might be better to wait and work towards being in a more stable place, and then get into analysis.

I'm still inpatient. My T is suggesting a new med instead of ECT. Psychotherapy IS destabilizing but it gets at the issue of abuse and trauma better than anything I've tried. I never got anywhere with my old t. He didn't want to rock the boat as far as memories go. I didn't really progress with him.
This new t is unconventional and definitely thinks outside the box. He has apologized for confusing me regarding being my doctor.. He's explained why he said that. Now we understand each other.
He also said we will work out a payment that is doable for me.
Thank you all for your thoughtful questions and comments.

[Calla lily12]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

If you have become destabilized as a result of working with him, that is not a good thing. If he has somehow encouraged you to let down defenses that have previously kept these memories at bay, he should have prioritized providing you with the resources and coping skills you would need to deal with them first. It sounds more like he's been some sort of wrecking ball. Yeah, maybe tearing down your house gives you clarity to see the foundation, but now you're homeless. Not only that, but he has you convinced that he's the only builder in town that can help you rebuild.

Psychotherapy can be destabilizing. I knew that going in to it. He hasn't convinced me he's the one and only but he is the only one I want to work with. We have worked out the money issue, also.

[Calla lily12]

Well. Here's another update after more than a year.
I've continued to see this T and he not only reduced his fee, he's going to start accepting my insurance. In the mean-time, he's not charging me anything (till the insurance is figured out)
I've been fairly stable ,not needing inpatient for over a year. If/when I do need it again, its cause I do have multiple dxs. and flashbacks , memories and grief make things difficult. I am very glad I continued to work with him.