Can your therapist be your 'soulmate'?

This article (What if your therapist is your soulmate) says it's possible, and I'd like to think so but am not so sure. In the end, I find it hard to believe someone could really care and not just be doing their job and forget about us when we go home.

It would be worth thinking about what the word soulmate means to you and your motivation for wanting a therapist to be your soulmate. If it's to be cared about in a deep and real way, ANY well trained and compassionate therapist should be able to provide this. But a soulmate suggests to me that you're looking for a long term deep emotional connection that is long term and enduring and goes beyond therapeutic boundaries? This is very tricky ground and most therapists would not even go there due to the risks.

I think it's worth reflecting on what you're looking for in a therapist. Most therapists would help you explore how to meet this need in your life if possible.

That happened to me and my T. I think talking about soulmates is a bit funny, but it happened that both of us felt being friends after was the right thing to do. I read the article and one thing I disagree with it was the suggestion to quit therapy immediately to become friends instead. My T was a great T and it was absolutely necessary to live through that relationship first.

Soulmate does not necessarily mean being involved in a romantic way. As such, anyone could be one's soulmate. Your brother can be your soulmate or your best friend etc.

Then again with the intensity and/or intimacy created within the therapy context, one can (easily) mis-perceive the relationship as something it is not. A therapist may be doing their job showing care, giving their undivided attention etc. towards their clients vs. a client believing there is something more... when there isn't.

Similar here actually, but currently living through the therapy relationship before rushing into anything else.

It certainly CAN happen but it also carries a lot of risk if T and client aren't self-aware and emotionally able to reflect on what it means and how it will work.

Most T's don't offer this kind of thing so it's important to know that a T can genuinely care deeply about their client yet not consider friendship, soulmates or whatever else. I had a former T who didn't even believe in having any contact whatsoever after ending....but she was an amazing T and we had a great connection.

I “recognized “ my T right away the first time we met. It was like being home and seeing a long time friend. At first I wrote it off as transference because I was regularly catching similarities between him and Fr. As time went on though we realized how much more we have in common, how sometimes we don’t even have to say anything... so yeh, I think it is possible BUT no way would I quit therapy to be friends with him. There are SO many things we can do together as client and T that we can’t do as friends AND *if* we were to be friends I would enjoy the friendship more and he would enjoy me more after I heal not where I am at now. As a T he is completely engaged with me and enjoys working with me. I think where I am at right now he would get bored with me as a friend even though he agrees about our connection.

That's interesting. How did you go from a one-sided to a mutual relationship? I imagine that would be the hardest part?

I may be in the minority here but I think its inappropriate. its one thing if you ceased therapy and meet up as friends but its another if you feel this way while having therapy. I think we are all in therapy for a reason and that we go to strengthen our abilities to cope and form healthy relationships. I think there should be a very clear defined line between the therapist and the client. Its inappropriate on the therapists part. Like I said, its not that it cant happen outside of therapy but imo shouldnt be pursued when you are actively involved with therapy.

I did not hire a therapist to strengthen my ability to cope and form healthy relationships. The idea of a therapist as a soulmate is creepy to me -but that is mostly because I think therapists are generally creepy human beings mostly bereft of any moral standing. And I don't have any strong belief in the idea of soulmate to begin with.

I am not sure I would call it a soulmate my my long term therapist and I definitely had a lot more than a professional relationship. We crossed almost all the boundaries (except for sexual). We were always able to keep the two relationships seperate. When I was in her office it was all about therapy. When we saw each other outside of therapy, we never discussed any of my therapy issues. We made it work. I have no doubt were she still alive we would have been on each others lives well after therapy.

Slowly, mindfully and with mutual respect.

And it was not pursued during therapy. Therapy was pursued during therapy.

It's not that I recommend it, or that I try to tell anyone it is usual or ok or anything else. I also don't care a least bit what anyone else thinks about it. I just wanted to tell my piece, that it was possible.

Many years ago I has a therapist who was my soul mate. There was no doubt about it and we both felt it. All boundaries were respected. When we met and throughout our 6 years of therapy we were extremely bonded as far as personalities, intellect, values, spirituality. From the first hour we profoundly "clicked." The therapy I did with him was strong and lasting.

I think it's definitely possible to feel deeply connected on a spiritual or soul level. Therapy works best when there's a good fit (chemistry) between therapist and client but pursuing a romantic relationship is a big no no, because the odds are it won't work out and could be extremely damaging. I would imagine the same goes for friendship too, at least while you're in therapy together. If there's a good soul to soul connection, bingo! you've struck gold, Keep them as your therapist

She has the definition of twin flame all wrong. Twin flames spend most of their life times pursuing or running away from each other. Also, you can't rule out transference and counter transference, because it's always there on some level (like it is in most relationships).

No, sounds completely odd to me. As much as we cared about each other, it was a professional working relationship. It isn't really a term I use, even with my husband. We are very individual. Probably the closest person I have in my life who truly is that much in sync with me would be my youngest son - our personalities are very similar, our interests are the same, our values are the same, we very much get each other most of the time, but I wouldn't call him my "soulmate" either.