Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

Mountaindewed · Jan 06, 2021 at 01:26 PM

After my morning call this morning I feel more comfortable talking to you about the things I was hesitant talking about before.

LonesomeTonight · Jan 06, 2021 at 02:23 PM

Dear T,
So that sort of bothered me how you characterized the other client. It makes me wonder how you'd describe *me*, particularly physically... Is that something to bring up with you? I don't know. I tend to not see the point in bringing up those sorts of things. Because then I worry it would also lead to a conversation about why it matters how you would characterize me physically. And I don't think I really want to get into that (I suppose it did come up once, but that was a couple years ago).

I appreciate the "take real good care" at the end though. And some other helpful stuff during session.
Love,
LT

Quietmind 2 · Jan 07, 2021 at 02:09 AM

Dear T,

I'm really worried about income.

Taylor27 · Jan 07, 2021 at 09:54 AM

Dear T, I am happy that im seeing you in and hour. I am afraid to ask if i can start seeing you every 2 weeks. I know you will say yes.

LostOnTheTrail · Jan 07, 2021 at 11:06 AM

Why do I feel as though I'm rebuilding trust with you? It's only been three weeks.
I found that comment quite odd, although you acknowledged that it was dark, I wasn't prepared for quite that dark. Thank goodness you picked up on the extent to which I was holding it together.

I am not ready for this round of anniversaries, especially with that 'milestone' in mind.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 07, 2021 at 01:46 PM

Coolest dream last night, L. I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.

Taylor27 · Jan 07, 2021 at 03:10 PM

Dear T, Thank you for agreeing with me and making it so that I can see you every two weeks. It will help me move things forward in my life. I also am grateful for the session today i had allot to talk about and i feel so much better.

comrademoomoo · Jan 07, 2021 at 03:21 PM

Stop talking about rewiring my brain. You are not a neuro surgeon and my brain is one of the few things functioning parts of my psyche. Stick to what you do well which is ... well, the jury is still out on what exactly it is that you do well, but the jury knows for certain that it does not include cerebral interference.

Mountaindewed · Jan 07, 2021 at 06:41 PM

I never thought I’d say this. But I am worried about leaving group and going back to see you again. I’ll miss the structure of group. Honestly I was thinking of asking if I could do another week in program. I think this means that I’m not so clingy and dependent on you as I used to be, and that I can move on and support myself.

This actually wouldn’t be the first time this hospital had me dependent on their out patient program.

just2b · Jan 07, 2021 at 09:11 PM

i am not sure where i am at. Session today, i dont know. In my head i want and do tell you that this is no longer working for me, but I cant say it. I am not even sure that when an authorization is approved that i will be excited or even care. I feel that I am definately 2 faced or living in 2 different worlds. I really feel apathetic and depressed. and also the mask I am wearing to hide it presents. I am not sure I found session today helpful. I felt like you asked the right questions at first but just was not getting it. Also think that I am expecting to much from you. I feel confused. I tried tell you that in text and no response. I get it your busy and all, but i really wanted a response. I really could use a hug from you. That is not something that i often want either.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 07, 2021 at 09:55 PM

i have about 3 hours worth of stuff to talk about tomorrow.

Lemoncake · Jan 08, 2021 at 03:29 AM

Skipped class today because I really was feeling so overwhelmed.

34 days without you now and this would have been our first session back after the Christmas holiday.
78 days no SH either.

just2b · Jan 08, 2021 at 02:07 PM

Decided to put myself back on meds, i am not going to tell you unless you respond back to my texts and emails. Not that it matters i dont know I am so feeling unstable, quick to snap at my kid for saying he wants Panda Express for lunch after I had asked him what he wanted. ended up going home and eating a burger. I am angry and I cant seem to control my agitation.

ArtieTheSequal · Jan 08, 2021 at 06:35 PM

Thank you for today. It felt way weird laying on the couch and talking to you (acting out the dream). So different from laying down just when you're drumming for me. I felt more, vulnerable somehow, looking at the ceiling and talking, and not seeing your eyes. I think I want to try that again next week. See if more comes up when I'm not seeing your eyes.

GeminiNZ · Jan 09, 2021 at 12:46 AM

Well, that was an eventful first session back! Starting with a hug was awesome. I said so much stuff, i surprised myself. You were on your A-game and fully attuned right up until that point where you let concern about one thing get in the way of where i was at and it all went a bit haywire for a while. But then we pulled it back together and parted well (albeit over time).

That thing you said in our messaging afterwards really touched me. Thank you for being you and for still being there even after all the rough stuff we've been through. I'm glad I've stayed and I'm glad you have too.

Onwards and upwards (and probably also sideways. and backwards. and round and round in circles sometimes, too.)

Lemoncake · Jan 09, 2021 at 12:26 PM

Day 36 without you.

I dreamt about someone from my old school I haven't thought about in ages. The frequent dreams about my old secondary school have been disorientating if I'm being honest. Maybe it's just because I'm going through something similar. I'm not 14 anymore but almost 30.

I still feel so very sad. A line I got from an audiobook- "It's not about what happened, but also what didn't happen."

Yes I was happy to get a message from you yesterday, but It would have mattered so much more to have that when I was in crisis mode. You weren't there for me and I can't forgive that.

LostOnTheTrail · Jan 09, 2021 at 02:54 PM

I can feel the cloud cover creeping in.

'A death anniversary, but nobody actually died' is a complete paradox, and yet that is the one I am living.

nottrustin · Jan 10, 2021 at 09:57 AM

It is times like this that I really miss you. You were always able to help me through the dark days. I knew I could always depend on you. I need one of you caring and understanding talks right now.

atisketatasket · Jan 10, 2021 at 11:17 PM

I feel like I am freezing inside my soul.

SlumberKitty · Jan 11, 2021 at 11:33 AM

Dear T: thanks for the session on Saturday. It felt good that you believed me and I was so glad we were able to make some connections between what I was experiencing hallucination-wise and what was going on in my life that may have precipitated it. It made me feel not so crazy. Thank you--Kit

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Dear T: I really need to tell you something XLV

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Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,159 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,463 hugs given	Jan 06, 2021 at 01:26 PM #621 After my morning call this morning I feel more comfortable talking to you about the things I was hesitant talking about before. __________________ I'm Blue
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Quietmind 2 Poohbah Member Since Jan 2020 Location: Somewhere I'm working to leave Posts: 1,243 4 8 hugs given	Jan 07, 2021 at 02:09 AM #623 Dear T, I'm really worried about income.
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Taylor27 healing from trauma Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Alberta Posts: 30,441 (SuperPoster!) 6 24.4k hugs given	Jan 07, 2021 at 09:54 AM #624 Dear T, I am happy that im seeing you in and hour. I am afraid to ask if i can start seeing you every 2 weeks. I know you will say yes.
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,528 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,957 hugs given	Jan 07, 2021 at 01:46 PM #626 Coolest dream last night, L. I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.
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Taylor27 healing from trauma Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Alberta Posts: 30,441 (SuperPoster!) 6 24.4k hugs given	Jan 07, 2021 at 03:10 PM #627 Dear T, Thank you for agreeing with me and making it so that I can see you every two weeks. It will help me move things forward in my life. I also am grateful for the session today i had allot to talk about and i feel so much better.
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comrademoomoo Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2019 Location: Toodlepip Posts: 1,800 5	Jan 07, 2021 at 03:21 PM #628 Stop talking about rewiring my brain. You are not a neuro surgeon and my brain is one of the few things functioning parts of my psyche. Stick to what you do well which is ... well, the jury is still out on what exactly it is that you do well, but the jury knows for certain that it does not include cerebral interference.
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,528 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,957 hugs given	Jan 07, 2021 at 09:55 PM #631 i have about 3 hours worth of stuff to talk about tomorrow.
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Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Seattle. Posts: 9,922 (SuperPoster!) 7 10.4k hugs given	Jan 08, 2021 at 03:29 AM #632 Skipped class today because I really was feeling so overwhelmed. 34 days without you now and this would have been our first session back after the Christmas holiday. 78 days no SH either. __________________
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ArtieTheSequal Writing my way through... Member Since Feb 2020 Location: In the desert of my soul Posts: 7,528 (SuperPoster!) 4 5,957 hugs given	Jan 08, 2021 at 06:35 PM #634 Thank you for today. It felt way weird laying on the couch and talking to you (acting out the dream). So different from laying down just when you're drumming for me. I felt more, vulnerable somehow, looking at the ceiling and talking, and not seeing your eyes. I think I want to try that again next week. See if more comes up when I'm not seeing your eyes.
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nottrustin Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2014 Location: n/a Posts: 4,819 10 375 hugs given	Jan 10, 2021 at 09:57 AM #638 It is times like this that I really miss you. You were always able to help me through the dark days. I knew I could always depend on you. I need one of you caring and understanding talks right now. __________________
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atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,274 (SuperPoster!) 9 12.4k hugs given	Jan 10, 2021 at 11:17 PM #639 I feel like I am freezing inside my soul.
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SlumberKitty Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jul 2018 Location: CA Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!) 6 117.7k hugs given	Jan 11, 2021 at 11:33 AM #640 Dear T: thanks for the session on Saturday. It felt good that you believed me and I was so glad we were able to make some connections between what I was experiencing hallucination-wise and what was going on in my life that may have precipitated it. It made me feel not so crazy. Thank you--Kit __________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA
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