[trixielou]

the last time i saw t was back in march in my early pregnancy. he said he didnt believe it was a coincidence that its time for me to leave the drugs & alcohol behind for good. well my whole pregnancy i used me & baby both tested positive for coke & cps has been working with me & baby for 3 months. im terrified when i go & see him what hes gonna say. im so ashamed. one time he told me he didnt know why i kept coming to him cuz he didnt feel like he was helping me. i dont want him to feel like this. i dont know how to start off session.

[winterbaby]

Hey, give yourself some credit! You are making some very important steps towards helping yourself and your baby, by going to therapy again, and involving yourself with CPS, and even posting here.

Maybe before you even get to the session, think of those positive things you are doing. Recovery is a long road and each step is very important.

I don't know how to suggest to start your session except to be honest in how you are feeling. But remember, the fact that you are even going back to therapy is important and a sign that you do want to help yourself. I hope your therapist recognizes that.

Keep up the work you are doing, and perhaps try to find some support groups (12 step or otherwise) to keep you in a positive frame of mind too.

[trixielou]

thank u so much for replying. i did this post at the last minute right before i left for my sesssion & i was hoping someone would give me some encouraging words. well im back & it reallly well & im sooo glad i went. he said i was in a manic episode w/ psychosis type symptoms & i most surely needed to get on a bipolar med & a mood stabilizer. he wasnt mean to me for using while i was pregnant--he is proud of me for being clean for 3 months & taking steps to keep my precious Lily Mae. tomorrow is my pdoc appt & my t was going to fax him all of my info to get me stabilized on the right meds. my mental disability review is coming up & t said he & pdoc would work together to do my diagnosis & write my letter. i asked him what pdoc Miller is like & he said hes they type where he can be in a good mood or be a hard nose type person but hes a good Christian (i got to a Christian counseling type place) & also knows lots about brain chemistry & neurology. i just hope hes not mean to me cuz im sensitive & i beat myself up enough. plz pray my appt is at 11:40 tomorrow morning.

[Perna]

I'm sure your pdoc will be fine. Your T will clue him in as to how you seem now and I bet he adjusts his mood too to be positive.

Good luck, Trixie! Think of us here and let us know how it goes.

[tulips30]

trixie......it has to be one baby step at a time. My daughter fights this battle. She stumbles too. But, when she tells herself "I can do anything for an hour" it helps. Eventually, the hours turn to days etc. Stumbles don't mean you go back to the beginning........you pick yourself up from where you fall and keep moving. It's long.........It's hard.........It can be done. Little steps. Therapists DO understand this process and the stumbles.

((((((Trixie))))))))
The best of wishes to you!