My T dropped the bomb on me today that she is going to be retiring. In the summer, she will be moving about an hour and a half away from here and only have a part-time practice, eventually dwindling it down to completely retired.

I'm crushed. It was unexpected to me - however my little ones were very in tune that she WAS pushing away the attachment.

She made a comment that really hurt. That she didn't keep good enough boundaries with me and that's why it hurts so much. That she allowed me to see her twice a week, and loads of email and that it was "probably a mistake on her part". It made me feel like she regretted the relationship and wishes she could take it all back.

I'm completely crushed and just have been bawling since the session. I have 2 choices. Continue seeing her, or don't. At this point I don't know...

I don't know what I'm expecting out of this post, I'm just completely a wreck and wish it was all a bad dream.

[Mouse_]

Stormy, That really is bad practise on your T's side...I feel angry reading about it so my response maybe anger driven, but I'd get another T NOW! Having a T that goes back on past decisions is very unsettling. It was her job to do better, in my opinion.

[Perna]

My T retired and we terminated because of it but she gave me over a year's warning and I'd been seeing her for 7-8 years already.

Retirement/termination/death/being left is very upsetting but part of life and I would work with your T hard now and in the next 6 months to explore this whole "problem"/pain and see if I can come to peace with it better. I think leaving now without any closure would make things harder in the future, no matter what the future holds.

I'm really sorry.

[sunrise]

stormy, I'm so very, very sorry. (((((stormy and littles)))))

I think she should not be sharing some of those things with you. You appeared to need two sessions a week, so that's what she provided you. Where is the boundary violation here? If she only wanted to see you once a week, she should have told you that was her policy. I don't see that it is helpful or healing at all to tell a client something like this after the fact.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
That she didn't keep good enough boundaries with me and that's why it hurts so much.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I don't agree with that at all. It hurts so much because you two have been so close and shared a lot together, not because she let you have two sessions a week. Your T is showing a total lack of insight into the therapeutic relationship, IMO. Sorry...

If it were me, I would probably have a few more sessions with the T, maybe 3, to get some closure, say good-bye, etc., and then I would start with a new T, preferably one a little younger who is not nearing retirement age. I would find it hard to "put my all" into therapy with the retiring T for a half year, knowing she was not going to be continuing as my T. Of course, you have your littles to consider too, and 3 sessions might not be enough for them to say good-bye, or maybe it would. At very least, I would try to resolve with T some of my feelings of being abandoned and rejected by her comments on the two sessions a week, accepting emails, etc. That was very hurtful.

[ECHOES]

((((((((((((( stormyangels )))))))))))))

I am so sorry!! I would be crushed too.

It's shocking news right now. Give yourself some time to think about what you would like to do next.

[allthegirls6]

im really that this has happened. I understand how you feel and I would be the same. Might be worth spending the time you have left working on making the break manageable.

[Shellbe]

Stormy,
There was no way for you not to get "attached"....how many people in our life can offer than unconditional attention? I would ask her why it was a mistake, especially if it helped you. You are hurt because she is leaving. Taking away a session a week wasn't going to make the hurt any less. Sounds like she is feeling guilty and trying to make herself feel better, in spite of what you really needed at the time, which was 2 sessions and emails.
Your ticker at the bottom said you've been in therapy 15 months....even if that's once every other week, you're still going to be attached to her. I agree with some of the other posts, bad judgment on her part to tell you that, i don't think she had thought that one through.
Let her know how it made you feel. Maybe she'll have had some more time to sit on it.....
she's downplaying your hurt in a way......and losses hurt and she needs to know that. also, that maybe her regrets as a psych. are better kept to herself and to sha re with colleagues, not with a client that you are about to retire on.
BEST of luck. i'm sorry she hurt your feelings. it's hard, but try to approach her about it.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm so sorry stormy, I feel angry on your behalf reading that! I would be crushed too and would probably feel like walking away and leaving her before the summer. But I think that seeing her a few more times to express some of your feelings of hurt and abandonment would ultimately be more helpful to you. Just my thoughts though
((((((((((( stormyangels )))))))))))

[lauren_helene]

My heart just sunk completely Stormy. If she is right then my T could say the same although I hardly think he would ever make such an error.

It does sound like she blames herself and she passed that feeling right on to you which is WRONG. She should never have told you that even if she really believes it.

It isn't true though. We are attached because of that part of us that was neglected not because he/she decides on whether we get one or two sessions per week!!!

I'm sorry she said that Stormy...

[tulips30]

{{{Stormy & Littles}}}.......I agree that it was inappropriate for her to now decide that decisions made in the past were a mistake. This does nothing to help your transition and that should be her only concern. NOT looking for ways to make you feel that your reaction to her retirement is not normal.

I have been thru a retirement with a t. It was difficult & sad. But I think we had a very successful termination and it was handled well. I continued to see him for a couple of months to bring things to a close and it helped me to say good-bye. During this same time, I started with a new t and also saw him. So, as I was going thru the last sessions, I was also developing a new relationship and he was helping me feel less like I was being abandoned. By the last session, I was sad, but felt comfortable and safe w/my new t. I didn't feel like I was just drifting around alone. I don't know if this is an option for you, but having a relationship already developing with my new t. made so much difference for me.

tulips

Thank you for all the responses. They have helped a lot these last few days.

The day she told me (Monday) I pretty much spent the whole day sobbing to myself and being very angry and upset.

I had to pretty much shut those emotions down Tuesday and Wednesday because I had to go to practicum and be a social worker and have my professional game face on.

Then I saw her today (Thursday). Pretty much today I told her all about practicum. It's actually the happiest I've probably ever been since I've known her which is really weird. The practicum placement is just AWESOME so I let myself focus on that and not focus on the hurtful yucky stuff.

I emailed her inbetween Monday and Thursday trying to peg down more specifics about how long she will be in part-time practice before officially "retiring". She said she didn't have a date and that she will work as long as it takes to get her client's "at a good place" before she fully retires. Which made me breathe a LITTLE easier that I won't be left hanging.

She wants to go through the heavy stuff with me and get the most out of our time together.

I'm relieved a lot but at the same time I am still very upset by the thought that somewhere in the not-so-distant future she will be *gone*. I probably won't see her *ever again* unless she let's us stay in contact.

[Perna]

My T retired and those last months are very very hard work. But, I kept reminding myself when I'd get anxious, "She's not leaving today. She's here now!" That gave me enough space with myself to keep on doing the work, getting what I wanted done.