[20oney]

How do you all feel about contacting your T during the holiday season? Whether it be by email, phone or even teletherapy.

My T has consistently reminded me that I am more than welcome to contact her during the holidays. (Generally I email). I love that because I am fairly alone otherwise. But, I’m just not sure because I don’t want to intrude into her holiday. Like, it’s her time off work so she shouldn’t really have to worry about me emailing during that period. I want to reach out for the connection, but I don’t want to ruin her time off.

Your therapist has offered this, you can contact them. Their limit around contact is their boundary to look after, not yours. Your part of the boundary is to consider what your limits look like and to act in a way which meets your needs.

Personally, I wouldn't worry about only contacting them in a crisis or being distressed "enough" to justify contacting them. There are many reasons you might want contact with them and they are valid reasons. Wanting human contact from someone who shows you care and warmth is absolutely understandable. It sounds as if your therapist is happy to accept that. You are not toxic and an email from you will not ruin her holiday.

[nottrustin]

If your T told you it is okay I would go for it. It is up to them to decide what they want to go on their vacation. I once told long term T, when she told me to email her if I needed, that she was on vacation and shouldn't be working, that she got to decide how her she spent her vacation. She was choosing to periodically check her email..

Current T knows often just emailing her is a help to me even if she does not respond. So for this vacation she told me to text if I need to but also reminded me she is horrible about checking her phone. I texted her on Christmas morning wishing her a Merry Christmas. The next day she responded.

[Taylor27]

My therapist is on vacation and she told me she would not be able to check her phone messages til Jan 4th. I think it is up to your therapist if they check there emails, phone, text. I know for a fact most therapists don't mind there clients reaching out.

[ArtieTheSequal]

I agree with all of the above. My t told me weeks before that she was taking a longer-than-usual vacation and at our last session before she left she told me if anything came up that I should reach out and we'd schedule a zoom session. I appreciate that and it's taken me a LONG time to finally get it through my skull that she's a grownup woman who can take care of herself and she won't offer something like that if she doesn't mean it. So if anything does come up while she's out of town I will let myself reach out.

I spent Christmas evening with my therapist for the whole night. It was really nice. This therapist gives me contact whenever I need. However, my old therapist would never have done that. Old therapist made it clear that she did NOT think about clients over holidays and dont bother her. That was always so hard. But current t actually texted me and asked if I would like to share the day with her.

[Salmon77]

I don't have any contact with my T between sessions (except for scheduling). But that's my T's policy. If your T says it's okay to reach out, then it is okay.

I spent Christmas evening with my therapist for the whole night. It was really nice. This therapist gives me contact whenever I need. [...] But current t actually texted me and asked if I would like to share the day with her.

I'm glad it was nice, but it seems to me like it would really blur the lines around a therapy relationship and a friend/family relationship... If it works for you, though, great.

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

I spent Christmas evening with my therapist for the whole night. It was really nice. This therapist gives me contact whenever I need. However, my old therapist would never have done that. Old therapist made it clear that she did NOT think about clients over holidays and dont bother her. That was always so hard. But current t actually texted me and asked if I would like to share the day with her.

Sounds like two extremes of the same issue to me: trouble with boundaries. I imagine it's hard for you to do work around your own boundaries with poor modelling from your therapists.

I am interested in whether your therapist charged you for spending Christmas together and how you contracted for the conditions of this strange session; duration, location, cost, etc.

I would be deeply troubled, and actually rather disgusted, if my therapist behaved like this. I don't like it when she texts or emails me in an unprompted way, never mind to invite me to spend a significant evening with her. Hard pass from me.

[Lemoncake]

I honestly don't see the problem with contacting a T whilst they're away if they have said it's okay. Some clients have higher needs then others and it can really help just to have a brief check in. With emails they can choose when to open them.

[emmaleemochizuki]

I feel the same as you, I don't want to intrude her as this is her off time, and she doesn't have any responsibility in attending to me, I feel that way even if she have said time after time that I shouldn't hesitate to contact her even during holidays. I still don't feel at all comfortable doing so, but I'm sure for your T, especially when she said it's ok to contact her, I'm sure she will be more than happy to help.

This Christmas break my T reminded me again that I should email her if I need to talk, and we can have a brief conversation over the phone. Christmas is generally a very difficult time for me and she knows that as she's been might T for some years. Each year she have said pretty much the same thing about contacting her, but I never did, even if I struggled. So this year she decided she is going to take the lead, and actually scheduled a telephone check-in with me tomorrow. I'm not sure how much it actually helps having a check-in with her, I'll know tomorrow.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

I spent Christmas evening with my therapist for the whole night. It was really nice. This therapist gives me contact whenever I need. However, my old therapist would never have done that. Old therapist made it clear that she did NOT think about clients over holidays and dont bother her. That was always so hard. But current t actually texted me and asked if I would like to share the day with her.

This really is so bizarre, and is a clear breach of therapeutic boundaries.
Are you safe?

[Amyjay]

My T has told me I can email her over the holidays. I can't imagine any scenario in which I would "need" to do so. And can't imagine what "need" could possibly be met by doing it.

[GeminiNZ]

I can - and do - email T between sessions (whether that's the usual week or during longer breaks). I'm free to send emails whenever I like and he replies when it suits him to (during office hours, Mon-Fri).

It's unlikely your T would offer if they weren't open to the contact so if you feel it would be helpful, i'd say send an email.

[Rive.]

Contact during holidays? I'm on my own.

Of course i am safe. Of course i pay her for her time, even when we do fun things together. I can see why it would all sound odd to outsiders. But the way we do things works very well for us. Both of us have very good boundaries.

[ScarletPimpernel]

This year's holidays, she's only unavailable for 4 days. I can contact her at any time. However, I'm trying to prioritize needs over wants. I don't need to contact her right now even though I really want to. I'm trying to respect her time because she is on vacation even if she says she's available.