[atisketatasket]

Often my therapist tells me I'm going through "a lot." I find this puzzling since whatever it is is almost never what I define as "a lot."

So like work stress is "a lot." Getting celiac disease was "a lot." Being upset with a friend or family member is "a lot." Even all three together, "a lot" to her but not to me (others may disagree).

The only thing I would agree was "a lot" was the fall when in a space of a couple months my older cat died, I left my abusive husband, I got sick and lost 1/3 of my body weight, and I had two surgeries, during one of which the ventilator broke. That's a lot, I think. What she says is "a lot" is normal life stuff to me.

I don't argue with her about it, it's not important to what she's saying. I just roll my eyes inwardly if I find it irritating and get what I can out of the session.

But it seems like over-validation (again, to me). So I'm curious: what would your therapist define as "a lot"? Do they talk in those kinds of terms?

[unaluna]

Theres an app for that!

Well idk about an app, but that life stress calculator thing?

Altho for me, a lot nowadays is an amazon delivery.

[atisketatasket]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Theres an app for that!

Well idk about an app, but that life stress calculator thing?

Altho for me, a lot nowadays is an amazon delivery.

I’m not so much interested in the relative nature of “a lot,” just if other therapists do this and if clients agree with them.

You mean the Holmes-Rahe scale? https://www.stress.org/wp-content/up...nventory-1.pdf

I was off the charts on that for a couple years there, but I don’t think I could clear fifty points on it now. Not being married is the easiest way to eliminate stress.

[Elio]

Yes, my T says this to me periodically. I run the spectrum of feeling validated/supported to feeling like she is trying to pacify me or something. I think that has more to do with how I am feeling than what is actually going on that constitutes "a lot".

Sometimes it takes her saying that several times about whatever it is I'm going through before I accept that maybe what I'm feeling is appropriate given what I am going through at the moment. Maybe in those situations it's more about saying it's ok to feel whatever I'm feeling because of what I am experiencing rather than about the quantity of things I'm experiencing.

[feralkittymom]

Current T tends to say that, whereas former T rarely did. I think with current T, it's her way of expressing sympathy. Not a very convincing way, to my way of thinking. When former T said it, it meant something. But I think it was objectively true, even though it didn't really feel so to me at the time. I think a consequence of dealing with a lifetime of heightened stress, especially as a child, probably predisposed me to discount anything short of life-threatening as no big deal.

[nottrustin]

My T says it frequently, for her it seems to mean that u am going through a lit of emotional things. I also think it is her way of saying it is normal that I am feeling overwhelmed, sad, or whatever because for many people it is a lot. She does typically say something like between x , y , and z happening right now you are dealing with a lot.

[stopdog]

Yes - both of the women I hired were over the top. I usually thought they were messing with me or just not listening and throwing it out as a phrase they learned in the big book of stupid therapist things to say.

[Amyjay]

My T often says "that's a lot" (as in a lot to cope with) and I don't think she knows what she's on about.