[snowangel17]

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about therapy and it's similarities with addiction and wondering if any others who are attached to their therapists feel the same?

Each week I live my life whilst at the same time always hovering in the background is me waiting for my therapy appointment day to come along...some weeks the wait in between can feel incredibly tough and painful and long and start to feel too much...It's almost like going through withdrawals but just then when it starts to feel soooo bad that I can't cope BAM! It's therapy day again and I get my fix and I'm okay...When I'm with my therapist even though we talk about difficult things all is okay with the world I feel like I could stay there talking with them forever...After the session at least most of the time, I feel warm and fuzzy for a few hours but then as the days go by it slowly starts to wear off and the cycle starts all over again!

Not sure what I'm getting at here just sometimes I wonder if I'm staying in therapy for the right reasons and that it's really helping me. I think it is but sometimes hard to see or know. Anyone else in a similar boat?

[here today]

I have been out of therapy for 5.5 years. I had been in therapy off and on for over 50 years before that.

I didn't have a problem with other addictions, but at the time therapy stopped -- the therapist terminated it, saying she didn't "have the emotional resources" to continue -- I had already begun to see and wonder if therapy were not like an addiction for me.

Although I don't think the therapist terminated because she saw it as an addiction for me -- she did provide the name of a referral -- it may well be that terminating the addiction was not such a bad thing, overall. Although -- the withdrawal effects have been horrible. If I had not had a good support group, plus the opportunity to vent on this forum, I'm not sure that I could have "made it". Not really sure that I have made it, yet.

It may be that therapy helped me uncover, or learn about, some well-hidden emotional aspects of myself. Some of them remained hidden though -- until the termination itself triggered them. Leaving me alone with intolerable stuff -- and feeling like an intolerable person -- which is all bound up with feelings of abandonment and rejection from my childhood that I didn't know I had. That is, my defense mechanisms, including over time the addiction to therapy, kept them out of full awareness. How to deal with them, integrate them, etc., all on my own has been a bear! Still working on it. And without the support systems I mentioned it would have been impossible.

How to make a life for oneself, with other people, without the help of other people? That's a dilemma I am still working on. Therapy promised, or seemed to promise, that help. But maybe that's the allure of anything addictive -- the promise, and the short-term relief, but then. . .causes problems of its own.

[zoiecat]

I am curious. I am not addicted to my therapist I do have major problems with DID among a ton of other things. Based on your responses Here Today, do you think the addiction of therapy was kind of a crutch just to get through daily life that kept you from digging deeper into the real issues? Maybe even subconsciously the addiction prevented you from fixing the deep-seated problems because if they were fixed then you would no longer need therapy?

I guess the same question would apply to anyone on this board. I observe a lot of people here who appear to be very attached to their therapist. Since I have the opposite problem wanting to get better as quickly as possible so I don't have to be in therapy I'm just trying to understand.

I am not sure I would describe the state as addiction, but I think everyone who posts here has a preoccupation, obsession, or attachment to therapy (if not a specific therapist). Even the people (especially the people?) who are very vocal about their anti-therapy views have a very tight relationship with therapy, I guess irony isn't a thing for many people.

I feel addicted to the idealised concept of therapy and my therapist. The reality of her and the sessions are often a bad trip. And the withdrawals are hard, I agree.

[snowangel17]

Originally Posted by Fewmiled

I understand those thoughts about therapy that you refer to as an addiction. When things get intense in treatment it is very hard to hold onto T between sessions. It's like I'm just under water or floating in space and he is a memory but not something I can hold onto. It leads to trying to find him (sort to speak) with more thoughts, texts then I like. It's confusing, disruptive and painful. Also, it's an opportunity to learn why this happens and how to change it. I have wondered if it has to do with object permanence or something.

T and I plan to talk about these feelings you speak of this week. I am at a place in my life where I have to do the work of therapy with the hope these feelings will dissipate through work and a slow pace.

Yes, it's very holding onto my T between sessions. It's like a distant memory of sorts at times. I find the fact that I only see one side of them adds to this. I struggle to even imagine them outside of their therapy room as it's all I've ever seen them in. That makes them somehow feel even less real too. If I can't even imagine T outside of the room how can I be expected to hold onto them in my mind? And if they seem less real to me when not with them then they are I am certainly not going to be remembered by someone who is not real.. a lack of object constancy for sure. aghhh .Yes, I hope like you that these feelings will slowly improve through work.

[here today]

Originally Posted by zoiecat

I am curious. I am not addicted to my therapist I do have major problems with DID among a ton of other things. Based on your responses Here Today, do you think the addiction of therapy was kind of a crutch just to get through daily life that kept you from digging deeper into the real issues? Maybe even subconsciously the addiction prevented you from fixing the deep-seated problems because if they were fixed then you would no longer need therapy?
. . .

Hi, zoiecat.

Consciously, I went to therapy in order to get “better” – to find the roots of whatever was causing me to be – depressed, internally conflicted, not the person I would like to be, etc.

I was eventually, about 12 years ago, diagnosed with DDNOS, now probably OSDD. I did not lose time – but I did have some very distinct and separate “states”. I could become irately angry, for instance. Usually I could control the outbursts, and I knew it was “wrong” – I didn’t justify it. And it would confuse me some. But I’m pretty sure I didn’t explain it that way to therapists. I suppose I would come across as exceedingly distressed and guilty about that, and that’s what therapists would try to deal with – that I wasn’t a horrible terrible person because of that. But I “knew”/felt there was something wrong inside.

I have now recovered enough emotional trauma memories that I believe the DDNOS diagnosis was accurate. Recovering the horrible feelings, that probably resulted in dissociation, has eventually led to me to be less distressed about them. And I can see the “states” as me better and not separate parts per se. But I was in and out of therapy for years, as I said, without touching some of those things.

The last therapist also diagnosed me with PDNOS, which I also think was accurate. And that’s the part that was connected with the addiction, I believe. Again, I did NOT have a recognizable addiction per se. But I did tend to be obsessive and perfectionistic, and I believe it’s likely that I would have been diagnosed with OCPD before I fell apart after my late husband died. Then, some of those other states or parts started acting up sometimes – expressing myself, and hence progress, I thought at the time.

The last therapist also described my situation, when I asked for more information, as “narcissistically wounded and fragmented”. So, I think it was the wounded narcissism that led to the addiction-like obsessions and perfectionism sometimes. And I now feel like I was obsessed with the therapy idea, as the way that I could get myself “fixed”. (Because, I was right – being fragmented internally is definitely something “wrong”, in the functional sense.) What else could/should I do? I have certainly looked into the spiritual traditions, too.

In one of Heinz Kohut’s books, The Restoration of the Self, I think, he distinguishes between narcissistic behavior disorders, like addictions, and narcissistic personality disorders. I was never diagnosed with NPD, but a “part” of me, which caused me a lot of internal distress, seemed to have it. So even though I didn’t have NPD, I think I did have a personality disorder that was based in part on the wounding of what has been called primary narcissism, and is something out of which a mature ego and sense of self and other can grow, in the right circumstances. How to generate those circumstances in therapy or some other kind of therapeutic social environment in adulthood is another question, though.

Hope this answer wasn’t too long-winded.

[Taylor27]

When I started therapy 19 years ago it was to deal with my anxiety. That led to me opening up about my childhood and I was sent to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with PTSD in 2004. I spent my majority of my time with therapist who did not deal with deeper issues and really did more harm then good for me. 19 months ago I finally found a therapist who understands me and I feel like i will be in therapy for a long time yet.


I used to feel like therapy was a addiction, now I know for me it's helping. I think if therapy is helping then you should not worry about it becoming a addiction.

[Salmon77]

I think therapy fulfills a need that I have, for connection, closeness, understanding, etc. Not having that need fulfilled feels bad, of course, but therapy doesn't create the need and may help me discover other ways to feel fulfilled (improving my other relationships, for example). Addiction to me is when something both fulfills a need and creates more need for that particular thing, the way doing opiates will make you crave more opiates. But I wouldn't generalize to others and some therapists might foster dependence in ways mine doesn't.

That said, if you feel unsure about your reasons for being in therapy or your progress, it's probably good to revisit those subjects.

[snowangel17]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

I think therapy fulfills a need that I have, for connection, closeness, understanding, etc. Not having that need fulfilled feels bad, of course, but therapy doesn't create the need and may help me discover other ways to feel fulfilled (improving my other relationships, for example). Addiction to me is when something both fulfills a need and creates more need for that particular thing, the way doing opiates will make you crave more opiates. But I wouldn't generalize to others and some therapists might foster dependence in ways mine doesn't.

That said, if you feel unsure about your reasons for being in therapy or your progress, it's probably good to revisit those subjects.

Thanks for this. I do have reasons to be in therapy for sure and I have/am making progress. Just when I think of therapy and the hold it has on me it feels almost somewhat like an addiction. I know not all addictions are the same and some have more benefits than drawbacks. I'd equate it more to my coffee addiction than to opiates. Certainly has more benefits for myself and those around me. I'd also argue it has the same financial burden where I spend a ridiculous amount of money on something time and time again.

[here today]

Here's an interesting blog I came across, on PsychCentral no less, written by a therapist who believes in her profession and has had both good and bad therapists herself:

Bad Therapists

Here is a quote relevant to the topic here:

Socially and culturally, many people are deprived of attunement and empathy. Because of this void, therapists both consciously and unconsciously function like drug dealers. In ways remarkably similar to the methods of drug dealers, therapists initially offer free drugs. Initial hits of empathy from therapists can feel like heroin. Empathy and attunement, desperately needed yet lacking in our society is like a drug, and clients can become hooked. With a skilled and good therapist this attachment will be nurtured with diligence. The client will learn to internalize empathy and attunement, separate and live their lives. In a bad or damaging therapy the therapist may mishandle the natural transference-countertransference dyad, and the client’s addiction to empathy may lead to dependency, sometimes co-dependency, and even disastrous therapeutic outcomes.

The whole article seemed pretty balanced to me. Wish I had seen it, or something like it, years and years ago.

[*Beth*]

When I was in my late 20's and early 30's I was in a therapeutic relationship that had an extremely strong transference. For 6 years my life revolved around the relationship with my therapist. It was like a drug, in the sense that it was my primary reason for existing. At the same time, I did receive plenty of benefit from the therapy. I just wish I could have worked my feeling about my therapist into my "real" life more effectively.

I'm now in my late 50's and while I adore my T and do look forward to seeing her, she is a part of my life, not my whole life. It feels less exhilarating, but more stable and realistic. And I may be helped more by my therapy now than I was back then.

[SlumberKitty]

Similar to BethRags in my 20's and early 30's I was with a T for 10 years who I was very strongly attached to. Transference? I don't know. It was painful to be apart from her. I too, benefitted from the therapy, but I wish I could have dealt with the feelings about my therapist so my whole life wasn't about therapy. I don't seem to have the same problem with T now though. In fact when I don't see her for a couple of weeks, it's absolutely fine. I benefit from this therapy too it's just not my whole life.