Couch 223: Jan 4: Darn Tootin'!

Thats hilarious. Sometimes i wanna say the same thing, but about different entities or qualities. Thats a pretty good one. Its not unkind or anything, really.

I had an anxiety attack in class today and began to cry. I emailed the psychiatrist who taught us last year asking for a private consultation or if he could refer me to someone else.

I'm sorry Lemon.

He just emailed back saying his earliest appointment which he offered for free is in the middle of Feb.

I emailed back:

"Dear Doctor,

Thank you for replying.

I feel like I need something sooner as my next exam is before that, but I am willing to wait.

Is there anyone else who could see me this week? At the risk of being labelled dramatic I haven’t been coping well.

Thank you."

I am so proud of you, Lemon. You are doing the right thing in reaching out.

I'm sorry for your panic attack, Lemon. I had issues with those during class when I was in grad school, and it was a real struggle. It's good you reached out to the psychiatrist. Maybe he could put you on a cancellation list? Not sure if those are a thing in the UK (or have a different name), but basically where the pdoc would call if someone cancelled. Might be last-minute, but I assume it would be a virtual session, so you probably wouldn't need much notice (if you weren't in class, of course). Or maybe he can give you another name.


Another thought could be trying to contact your regular doctor (if you have one)--mine recently prescribed me something for sleep that can also be used PRN for anxiety, hydroxyzine. Or could prescribe something else. No idea if you could get an appointment sooner there vs. a pdoc, as your healthcare system works differently!

@Lemoncake so proud of you for reaching out and so sorry you are hurting and struggling. Kit

Proud of me just for showing up to work today. Sometimes just that effort takes strength and fortitude!

Although I am sitting in my office with the lights off.

I'm proud of you for reaching out too, Lemon. Sorry that you're struggling with anxiety and i hope you're able to see someone sooner. or the one you reached out to sooner if he has a cancellation like lt said.

I'm proud of you too, Kit, yes sometimes just that effort does take strength and fortitude.

Well, if you're the only one in your office, you can still work on your computer with the lights off, right? When i used to work midnights all those years ago there were only 3 of us on that shift, and we would sometimes turn most of the lights off.

Yes, I can still work with my computer on and the light it provides. By mid-day it will still be bright enough in here with the lights off anyway. I just don't want people bugging me. When my lights are off they assume I have a migraine and stay away. It's more that I'm depressed today than that I have a migraine. But it's a lot harder to explain depression than it is to let people think it's another one of my migraines.

At this time on this day last year I was at the mental hospital sitting in the common room watching TV. Waiting for the first group to start. I still remember those plastic covered chairs. Is this what this whole week is going to be like? Remembering and reliving every moment from the mental hospital? My coworker told me to "Be happy" today when I told her I was sad. Oh how I wish it were so easy.

I never actually registered with a local doctor in all the years I've been here. I've only paid to see a private doctor once.

He works at my local hospital mainly, so I was expecting a face to face consult and a prescription too. I did see another pdoc whilst he was super nice he wasn't local.

In this moment I feel overwhelmed by grief.

Hugs, Lemon.

Today, my sports psychologist therapist admitted that he doesn't like watching sports. Not on TV, not in person, not even the sport he plays (except to size up opponents). He's an enigma. (Note: I know many people don't like watching sports. It's just funny to me that he's a sports psychologist and pro athlete who doesn't like it.)

Ended up being a pretty emotional session by the end. I admitted something rather dark to him that I'd posted in Dear T regarding school possibly reopening, and he seemed really sad about it. I think it helped me to get it out though. I feel lighter now. But again like I could have spent another half hour talking to him.

HUGS LT I'm glad your session went well but I'm sorry you still felt like you had more to say and not enough time.

Thanks, Kit. Time just seems to go so quickly in sessions lately.

We should switch T's LT. Mine kept me an hour and a half and I didn't need the half. I kept thinking what time is it? Surely it has been an hour. But she kept talking.

The dusting of snow they predicted has turned into 3 inches of slush. I hate snow.

Slush isn't really snow though, it's kind of a gross mix. It's like how in my area we keep ending up with mixed precipitation. Snow mixing with sleet and rain (sometimes freezing rain). Which, depending on the order, can be gross or really dangerous if you need to drive. We got an inch of snow the other night topped by a little ice, but it's all melted now.

It is snow - and it is puddling into slush on the streets but snow on the ground

I am strangely in the mood for mac & cheese with hot dogs cut up in it. I blame the cold weather and snow.

I took the next two days off of work. I just feel so unwell, emotionally. I had to let the General Manager know what was going on. He was good about it. He said he would keep it to himself and he said if I needed more time off to just let him know. That was kind.