Couch 223: Jan 4: Darn Tootin'!

After last week's therapeutic tear-fest, today's session was a light one and quite enjoyable. I did tell her that she really kicked my *** last week and how pissed off I had been at her for a little bit. I may have also told her I was thinking things like "who the hell does she think she is saying that ****" etc. she took it well.

Glad you had a good session Artie! And I am PROUD OF YOU for telling her how you felt after last time! That's great! Well done!

Unofficial couch poll: (I've asked this in two other places on My Support Forums but thought I would get ya'lls advice too). How do you stop being angry with someone? How do you forgive someone you don't really want to forgive? It's almost the year anniversary of my hospitalization in the psychiatric hospital, of which I spent 3 days in the ER waiting to get transferred. The ER doctor was horrible to me. He was almost yelling at me. He was rude to me. He lied about me. He said I was suicidal when I wasn't. And like for real, I wasn't. I was there for self harm not anything else. I wasn't lying to him but he lied about me and said all kinds of stuff that ended up in my medical file. My T said I really scared him and that is why he acted like that. I was like so because he was scared he gets to be a big giant jerk? I was totally polite and nice to him but he was rude to me. Didn't use enough lidocane and all sorts of stuff. Anyway I have journalled. I have written a letter which I even mailed to the hospital and got some form letter response back. I've talked about it in therapy. I plan to talk about it again tomorrow in therapy. But I'm sick of being angry with him but I also don't really want to forgive him because he is a piece of crap that treated me so disrespectfully. So how do I stop being angry? How do I forgive? Any suggestions?

I love it when I find things I'd previously hidden! I think the only thing I miss about living in the midwest and having a "coat season" was finding a $5 bill in my coat pocket that I'd forgotten leaving there the previous winter haha!

Thanks! I didn't let myself think about it first I just blurted it all out.

Tonight is "order in" from restaurant night. Not sure if I am going to go with breakfast or a burger! Tomorrow I might try a recipe from my new Vegetarian cookbook. I don't know though. They seem kind of hard. I need a Vegetarian cookbook for dummies!

Hugs, Kit. I wish I knew how to help. I have struggled so much with forgiveness myself toward different people for different reasons. It took me many years of work in therapy to get to the point of forgiving my mom for stuff that happened when I was younger. I hope that you are able to find peace in your heart over this.

Thank you Artie.
I've never struggled this much with anger. Even towards people who have treated me way worse. I wonder if this is less anger and more righteous indignation. Because I can't get rid of it. I've done everything T has said to do. Well she said write a thank you letter to him but I can't quite bring myself to do that. So maybe that is what I need to do. I've been trying everything and I don't feel like I have forgiven him.

Artie, I'm glad your session went well and that you were able to tell L about your reaction to her. I actually mentioned you briefly in my session today when I apologized to Dr. T for being so dark (then said, "Why am I apologizing, you're my therapist?") At first he said, jokingly, "Yeah, you're really bringing me down, LT!" (like he clearly wasn't being serious), then clarifying that it was the last thing I needed to worry about. I mentioned how your T had said you were low energy and it was affecting her energy level, and Dr. T asked if she was just joking. I said, "No, I think she was serious," and he seemed a bit bothered by it. So glad this was a lighter session!

Forgiveness is not required.

And unless the anger is seriously disrupting your life, I would let it be. In fact I think it could be good for you. It shows you value yourself. You know you’re not a passive object for others to do to what they will.

Thanks @@

It's showing up again because it is almost the anniversary (Monday). I thought it had gone away but it's back. Full steam. You make a good point. For too long I was treated like an object and now I'm an adult and I don't have to let people treat me that way.

She told me today that she didn't know why she had told me that. Even something about it being a therapeutic mistake to have shared that information. I admit it felt good to tell her today how pissed off I'd been about it and the other stuff including the actual uncharitable thoughts I'd had about/toward her last friday night. Even so I'm glad she did it though, so technically it wasn't a mistake, if she hadn't said it, I might never had let myself cry, and I had really really needed to do so.

Sounds like giving plasma, which I did a few times in college to make some extra money. If so, it's not a big deal, just boring.

Several decades back, my husband was being treated by a surgeon who was an *** (which is sort of normal for surgeons, but he had the worst god complex for a surgeon we've ever run into in all these years). It culminated in a surgical infection that he somehow blamed my husband for, refused to help find the right treatment for, nearly leaving my husband in septic shock and dead. My husband spent 8 weeks on round the clock IV antibiotics that I had to help administer at home. Definite long-term anger.

I don't know that we forgave so much as we let it go (which in my book is what forgiveness allows me to do - it isn't about excusing them or forgetting). We moved on. Found better doctors. Chose to close that nightmare chapter and move on because we knew future chapters required focus on the present and some semblance of hope and control. It was sort of like that biblical verse that says if you aren't welcomed, knock the dust off your feet and move on. Sometimes that's all you can do for yourself to keep things from eating at you. Choosing to move on was our way of taking back our control. Continuing to let it eat at us was just giving him too much power.

Ugh, H is putting together a piece of furniture in the living room, and I just went down to check on how it's going, was like, "Oh, looks good so far!" and he held up his hands and told me it wasn't a good time, that he was trying to find something on the floor. I offered to help, and he said I'd just be in the way. Currently hiding out in the bedroom, the room furthest from the living room. D is also banished from the room. I certainly hope he figures it out soon...

OK, it's been assembled, and things are OK again. Sigh.

Artley - thanks for your story. An online friend is having a similar experience, and i wish she could find herself a different surgeon, but its not like i can say or do anything. But maybe the result would have been the same with a different surgeon.

Maybe this doesnt really address kitty's anger, but my family was not good at accepting outcomes, good or bad. Change what we can, accept what we cant change, and the wisdom to know the difference. That should be the silver rule.

Look what I found.

Bravo, ATAT! (And take that, 2021...there are still Oreos!)

Yay I'm happy for you @.

I previously had that written on a postcard!

I'm experimenting right now with cooking a couple little pieces of steak using the broil function of my air fryer lid, while I'm cooking the bigger pieces on the stove.

Experiment success. H said they are really juicy, more so than when I cook them on the stove. Next time, I'll do all of them this way.

My husband makes steak in the air fryer, I am not big on steaks but the air fryer ones are good, juicy

the cats and I are in a battle over the pet door. It is cold and windy so I have shut the main door which is leading to a lot of up and down and explaining it is cold outside of ALL the doors.
I saw a commercial that said "dogs give 100%" which made me laugh because I have the laziest of the herding breeds and I had one dog in particular who would not put forth one extra ounce of energy than she had to get a treat. In agility she would clear jumps of any height by about an inch - no matter if you had the bar at 12 in or 16 in or 24 or any height. Most of the other dogs soared over the heights for shorter dogs, but not my girl. I loved that dog.