Couch 224: 2day, 2morrow, 4evah!

If I am feeling bad because something happened to me, the last thing I want to do is take care of some other functioning adult's feelings about my feeling bad (children and animals are different). I have a lot of boundaries about that. And if someone assumes they know what is going on with me better than I do, they had better be super damn certain about it before they try to tell me what I am feeling. And even then it is a terrible idea. It isn't so much that I don't know - it is much more that it is no one else's business.

Huh, I just realized Eileen Brennan was also in Murder by Death.

Coincidentally I’m currently reading Capote’s In Cold Blood.

Those two movies sort of blended together in their potential for funny and their actual delivery.

Eileen Brennan was always funny.

Loooooove eileen brennan. Ive seen murder by death.

Also in cold blood. Read it the first time when i was faaaar too young. Pretty sure i did not realize it had been written so recently to my reading of it.

I have never read all of In Cold Blood. I have represented clients who acted it out.

Here I was naively thinking that once I reached a year that I wouldn't need T anymore. I extremely naively thought it would get better from that point on. However, it seems just as bad as when I was first starting out on this journey. Pastor T said it would take 2 years to even be considered in recovery and I didn't believe him at the time but dagnabbit I think he is right. I hate it when he is right. Having to promise T not to act on anything really took me back to the beginning of my journey where we would have to do that sort of stuff. How can I be progressing forward and yet sliding back? Why have things become so difficult all the sudden? I thought they would get easier. Get past the year and then have a few ups and downs and get to year 2. Pfft. It's been all downhill since hitting a year. This particular crisis seems unending. I'm sure I am exaggerating and that it will indeed come to an end but the feeling that it won't is very real.

Hugs, Kit.

Thanks Artie.

Also sending hugs to you, Kit. And my T has said before that improving isn't generally linear. So just that you're struggling right now doesn't mean you're right back where you were a year ago. You've still made a lot of progress, and feeling this way now doesn't take that away from you.

Thanks LT!

So in reviewing the paperwork from my soon to be ex-psychiatrist, I saw the list of diagnoses. Depressive order, sure. PTSD, I disagree (because it's such an overused term these days) but I can see the argument for it.

But a 18 months or so ago she added in GAD? I don't think so. I get anxious occasionally, but it's not like it limits my life activities. I checked the clinical standards for diagnosis and have zero idea what she was thinking.

Saw a cardiologist today because I've had an elevated resting and sleeping heart rate the last couple months (like it's been steadily climbing). He thinks it may be sinus tachycardia (adrenaline telling the heart to beat faster, as he described it), which can just be treated with beta blockers. But sent me home with a 24-hour Holter monitor to check. Basically a day-long EKG. I have a mild adhesive allergy, and the leads are so itchy! Worried I'm going to rip them off in my sleep, if I'm able to sleep, though they seem attached quite well. Curious as to what my readout will look like during my therapy session tomorrow...

I'm just glad the doctor seemed to take me seriously and wasn't just like "It's your anxiety." Which is what I was concerned about. Took Dr. T's advice and made a list both to read from and hand to the doctor. Saying ways in which symptoms had changed in the past few months, for example, and more family history details than there was room for on the form.

LT--Sorry that you had symptoms that led you to a cardiologist but I am glad that the doctor took you seriously. And yeah you for communicating well with the doctor! You should be proud of yourself! I hope the adhesive doesn't drive you too nutty. I have an adhesive allergy too so that's always fun.

Thanks, Kit!

This is funny.

https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreak...eb2x&context=3

I have made carrot chocolate chip muffins.

those sound good!

My vacation (the one where I'm traveling to my couch) began a couple hours ago. I think I shall sleep until noon tomorrow.

That sounds good except for the chocolate chips. Did you use almond flour?

Does anyone else get excited about trying new shampoos? I'm always trying different ones. I got this Suave almond + shea butter the other day and my hair is so soft. It smells good, too. I'm loving it.

I’ve started making my own flour—xanthan gum, potato and tapioca starch, coconut flour.

I can confirm that the muffins are good, even with chocolate chips.

I finally cooked the red lentil pasta I found awhile back. Kinda disappointing, it doesn't really have any flavor, and the texture is odd. Guess I'll stick with the lentils themselves.

Mmm tapioca. I think I have a box, might have to make some tomorrow.

I use tapioca flour to make brazil cheese bread puffs. they are sort of like cheesy popovers but they don't have gluten. It is eggs, tapioca flour, milk, butter, and parmesan cheese that is a batter.
No chocolate chips (they mess up texture for me) (and they would be unwelcome in cheesy puffs)

We can agree that chocolate chips do not belong in cheese puffs.

UNITY!