Couch 224: 2day, 2morrow, 4evah!

Elio · Feb 22, 2021, 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quietmind 2

Great questions, Eliot, thank you.

We're still too new as a system I feel. Last year I saw the Gender psychiatrist while believing it was just me in my body, and Little being a metaphorical younger self. She was ready to put me on testosterone right away, either a gel or a patch since I stated considering a low dose and that I'm non binary. But I don't know enough about testosterone and I'm unsure what effects I want beyond "I want to feel ok inside".

I requested gender therapy partly due to that plus my partner being unwilling to support me chemically transitioning and was referred to a social worker (T2) experienced in gender issues.

Then someone showed up internally and told me I'm now ready to know about her. That sent my gender identity haywire since all 3 or 4 of us have our own gender identity. Depending on how close they are to the front, my experience of gender changes.

T2 thinks some dysphoria could be a coping mechanism for trauma since I was abused from a very young age. Not sure how accurate her opinion is. She suggested I take time to settle down since I was newly free and I mentioned "dissociated selves" emerging.

From what little regular T told me, I'm "in good hands" and she said the psychiatrist is both trans affirming and trauma sensitive. I referred myself through the public health system as it's the only public health gender clinic in my region.

I guess I'm still afraid because of uncertainty and fear of gatekeeping. I'm also really new to this "oh wait, I've other selves" thing (my thread in dissociative disorders such forum talks more about what happened) and I definitely need more time for the others to explore, us all to discuss, find other hidden alters etc.

The gel is nice because I get to control my dose. It's kind of a pain at the same time depending on the brand. I've had one brand that took forever to dry or was sticky for a long time and another brand that left a lot of white smears. The brand I have now leaves a little white but dries really quickly. There does seem to be a small window for me where it helps with my gender feelings so that does make it hard. When I tried the patch, I broke out from the adhesive so that didn't work out for me so well. One can manage the dosing some on the patch by just removing it when you reach the time that the dose seems right for you. For us non-binary or gender non-conforming, it's a bit of trial and error to find what feels right for you.

I think I have found the top surgery the most affirming step I made. Internally, I feel like I was never supposed to have breasts. I love my chest.

I also think you've been around to see my posts through most of this journey. I have parts that are of different genders, in fact that is a way I know some of them are different parts - they are such distinct genders.

Hit me up if you want to talk more about this or we could move it to the gender forum.

chihirochild · Feb 22, 2021, 11:01 AM

Finally off work today. I am determined to relax as hard as humanly possible since I have to go right back at it on Wednesday. Started out with breakfast made by the BF and a bath; now back to bed.

SlumberKitty · Feb 22, 2021, 11:46 AM

I really don't like CBT but I'm using Noom (a weight loss app) which uses CBT principles and I'm not minding it so much. I wonder what T will have to say about it. Because everytime she tries to do CBT with me I roll my eyes.

SlumberKitty · Feb 22, 2021, 12:20 PM

My hand feels strange because I forgot my ring today at home. Its an odd feeling.

MobiusPsyche · Feb 22, 2021, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daffydungle

People who make commercials need to do basic maths just saw one that said some breakfasr cereals contain up to 25% sugar thats over a quarter of the cereal....

Post Fruity Pebbles contains 12 grams of sugar. A serving size is 36 grams. They have one variety that is nearly 50% sugar.
Explore Post(R) PEBBLES™ Cereals | Post Consumer Brands

ArtieTheSequal · Feb 22, 2021, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

Post Fruity Pebbles contains 12 grams of sugar. A serving size is 36 grams. They have one variety that is nearly 50% sugar.
Explore Post(R) PEBBLES™ Cereals | Post Consumer Brands

when my sister was in college she used to make rice krispies treats using fruity pebbles instead, those things would like totally rot your teeth can you imagine!

unaluna · Feb 22, 2021, 03:46 PM

Ugh last night i dreamed my brother was dating one of his SIL's. The one that most resembled his late wife. And she was worried about my approval. I was like, i dont think thats how that goes.

chihirochild · Feb 22, 2021, 03:58 PM

I think I might cancel my session tomorrow. Or just not show up.

I don't want to talk about a topic with my T (see below if interested) and he won't stop pushing me to talk about it and I'm effing done with it.

Possible trigger:

My sex life with my BF

ArtieTheSequal · Feb 22, 2021, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

I think I might cancel my session tomorrow. Or just not show up.

I don't want to talk about a topic with my T (see below if interested) and he won't stop pushing me to talk about it and I'm effing done with it.

Possible trigger:

My sex life with my BF

That is just so odd that he keeps pushing you on that. I don't get it at all. I mean maybe a t could ask about something once, no foul, but cripes, in my mind, if you say you don't feel the need to talk about it once, they should just drop it then and there unless you bring it up. You shouldn't have to keep saying no. I'm sorry he's being so rudely pushy.

ArtieTheSequal · Feb 22, 2021, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Ugh last night i dreamed my brother was dating one of his SIL's. The one that most resembled his late wife. And she was worried about my approval. I was like, i dont think thats how that goes.

All I remember from my dreams last night is the image of a rather large beetle. Weird. I wish I remembered more of the dream.

Polibeth · Feb 22, 2021, 05:27 PM

I paid off my car loan today - what an awesome feeling!

LonesomeTonight · Feb 22, 2021, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polibeth

I paid off my car loan today - what an awesome feeling!

Congrats!!!

ArtieTheSequal · Feb 22, 2021, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polibeth

I paid off my car loan today - what an awesome feeling!

That is awesome!! Congrats!

Daffydungle · Feb 22, 2021, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche

Post Fruity Pebbles contains 12 grams of sugar. A serving size is 36 grams. They have one variety that is nearly 50% sugar.
Explore Post(R) PEBBLES™ Cereals | Post Consumer Brands

In my country breakfast cereals have a health rating and we add folic acid to most cereal for pregnant women. We cant get a lot of the sweeter American cereals here.

Daffydungle · Feb 22, 2021, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal

All I remember from my dreams last night is the image of a rather large beetle. Weird. I wish I remembered more of the dream.

Wow that sounds interesting. I am always interested when i dream i am animal.

NP_Complete · Feb 22, 2021, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chihirochild

I think I might cancel my session tomorrow. Or just not show up.

I don't want to talk about a topic with my T (see below if interested) and he won't stop pushing me to talk about it and I'm effing done with it.

Possible trigger:

My sex life with my BF

That's a little off-putting. What does he want? A play-by-play? How many times has he asked you about this?

SlumberKitty · Feb 22, 2021, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polibeth

I paid off my car loan today - what an awesome feeling!

Whoo-hoo!!!!

SlumberKitty · Feb 22, 2021, 06:04 PM

I've decided I'm really rubbish at small talk. My coworkers try to small talk with me and I don't know what to say in response so I usually just smile.

SlumberKitty · Feb 22, 2021, 06:06 PM

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow with my GP. I made it because I've been taking my blood pressure daily and it's sort of been all over the place. The receptionist said I could come into the office but I don't want to because I don't want to be around anyone who might have COVID. But then I'm thinking she'll probably want to do that test where they monitor your BP for a day and night. Oh well. I already said I would do a phone appointment. I might have to just schedule another appointment. Last I knew she wasn't even coming into the office so I wonder what changed? It's not like the cases in our county has dropped into the red zone (we are still in purple which is the highest concentration of COVID).

unaluna · Feb 22, 2021, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I've decided I'm really rubbish at small talk. My coworkers try to small talk with me and I don't know what to say in response so I usually just smile.

You seem good at it here. Sincerely!